Rabbit Hole
by Blue Penguin Lightning
Summary: When Harley has her world ripped from underneath her, it's up to the Joker to try to piece her back together...
1. Chapter 1

So I'm terrified. It happens every time I enter a new fandom. Not necessarily joining the fandom but definitely posting something. I don't know how this is going to go but as Harley has found a piece of my mind to tear apart, I need to abide by her so she doesn't completely shred it.

I hope you enjoy this...I'm gonna go hide from Harley and Joker now.

They're both fun and terrifying to play with.

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

* * *

"No," she whispered, staring at the small metal bowl and dry washcloth that sat just outside her immediate prison cell. Just beyond that, a fresh pair of detention scrubs with a pair of fuzzy pink slippers on top.

It wasn't that Harley didn't want clean clothes or her pink slippers back, it was the action that Griggs wanted her to perform that rubbed her the wrong way. After everything he had done to her already, this should have been nothing. Still… She shook her head and wrapped her arms around her legs, pulling them in tightly. It was one thing when Mistah J made her do things; it was quite another with Griggs forced her to.

"Do you want this back?" Griggs asked, holding the small cappuccino cup that accompanied the machine in her cell. It was the only cup she had. He took it the last time he personally came to pay her a visit, much to her dismay. His visits…any visits really…Harley didn't want to think about them.

Her espresso machine was the only good thing that came out of Task Force X. She missed having caffeine pumping through her veins. For some absurd reason, it kept her calm. The book was nothing more than a consolation prize to her. It was nice to have but she could certainly live without it. Griggs had brought it to her after his second visit, before things really started to escalate.

 _Just do it._

The voices. Why did the voices have to keep coming back? She shuddered. Why did her mind have to wander so much? Why couldn't it just stay still for crying out loud?! Actually, what she really needed was for it to shut off and give her some peace but she knew it would never allow for that. No sense in her torturing herself when there were plenty of sick individuals to do it.

She grabbed the washcloth and dipped it in the cold water. A shiver made its way down her spine. Griggs smiled, knowing well that he had won the battle. At least she let him think that, for now.

She hissed as she tried to clean the burn marks on her wrists. They were going to scar; there was no doubt about that. Electricity had that ability. They looked worse now than they had two and a half weeks ago. Harley wasn't sure how that was possible but given that the water was really the only form of first aid she had access to, she supposed it was possible. Once she had finished with her wrists, she wiped down her neck, trying to get rid of the sweat that had been accumulating for the past few days. But that's it. She wasn't willing to give Griggs anything else. She tossed the washcloth back in the bowl, letting it make a small splash.

"You kept asking for play time and you're not holding up your end of the deal," Griggs said, kicking the clean uniform and pink fuzzy slippers over.

"Never asked for this," Harley muttered, referring to all the incidents that the last month had put her through since coming back to Belle Reve. She pulled the loose articles into her cell. She'd change later. "Now give me my cup back!"

"You haven't earned it back. You need to earn it," he told her.

He approached her cell and dangled her prized possession in front of her. Harley reached through the bars to make a grab for it, only to find it was an inch or so from her grip. He teased her more with the cup, taking enjoyment from the power he had over her. She tried to stretch her arm out further, unintentionally allowing Griggs an opening. He grabbed her neck and squeezed tightly.

"Now you're gonna watch," he stated.

Harley wasn't exactly sure what he meant by that. She was in a cage; he was outside it. But the last thing she expected was for Griggs to drop her cup and let it shatter on the concrete ground. Griggs tightened his fingers against Harley's neck and pulled her cheek into the bars, making sure it would leave a mark when he let go.

"Next time, you will give me exactly what I want and maybe, just maybe, I'll bring a replacement," he whispered into her ear.

As Griggs released her from his mild punishment, Harley dropped to the floor. She kept staring at her broken cup. It was all she could focus on. She already lost her Puddin'. That cup was the best thing she had now. Or did have. She waited until Griggs was completely out of her cell block before getting up.

At least she still had her espresso machine. That had to count for something, anything at this point.

"I'll get to use you again," she said softly, running her fingers along the beautiful chrome finishes. "Promise."

As stupid as it was, she wanted to hug her espresso machine, almost as if she was trying to tell it that all would be okay, even though she damn well knew it wouldn't. Not ever.

A loud explosion pulled Harley from her thoughts as a huge chunk of wall came flying at the northwest corner of her cell. She dropped to the floor and covered her head in a feeble attempt to protect herself.

 _It's not like it'll do you any good. You can't protect yourself. Just look at yourself._

"Shut up!" she screamed inwardly. Fucking voices.

The guards swarmed around her cell as gunfire sounded in every direction. The guards that monitored her when Griggs wasn't around dropped to the ground like flies. The guards that swarmed in formed a barrier around her cage as three of them made their way to the locking mechanism of her cell. One held a power saw and put it to work on the lock. Sparks flew in every direction and Harley had to shield her eyes. She heard the lock break and watched as the door was pulled back. One guard made their way inside while the other stood in front of the door, blocking anyone from entering or leaving. The side of his uniform said JKR but Harley tried not to think too much into it. She didn't want to get her hopes up to have them crash down. Besides, this was probably some sick trick that Griggs must have thought of. It had to be. It would be just like him.

She stood up tentatively, holding onto the bars for grip as she regained her balance. If it was Griggs, she certainly wasn't going to give him any satisfaction by looking weak. She had to appear strong, resilient, even though she didn't feel like it. Then the man removed his mask, revealing pale white skin and blood red lips. Mistah J. It took Harley a moment to realize this wasn't a trick. This was real. He was really here.

"Puddin'!"

She threw her arms around him, needing to make sure he was real and this really was happening. It wasn't a side effect of medication or some hallucination her mind had concocted. But when she felt his finger rubbing her right between her shoulder blades, she knew it had to be him. There wasn't any doubt in her mind. Not anymore.

 _He won't want you anymore. Not after he finds out…_

Harley squeezed her eyes shut as she hugged Mistah J tighter, digging her nails into his back, willing the voices to go away. Her Puddin' was here. He'd made the voices go away.

If nothing else, he would take her away from this sadistic place.

"Let's go home."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

* * *

Home.

Harley never thought she would hear that word again.

Actually, the word home didn't mean much to her. As long as she had her Puddin', she didn't care where she was going, as long as it was away from Belle Reve.

The alarms blared loudly as Joker led Harley from her cell in solitary confinement. He held onto her tightly, not wanting her to leave his side for a second. They'd spent enough time apart. Too much time in J's opinion.

"Get her stuff out and erase any information they have on her or myself," he ordered.

As the men dispersed, Joker led Harley toward the gaping hole in the wall. Their escape. It was still a gravely mess from the explosion, but if there was one thing Harley hadn't forgotten, it was balance. It was one of the few things she could practice without having the guards get after her. She carefully balanced over the remnants of the wall until she was past them. They rounded the corner, Harley just a couple of steps behind the Joker. As they began up one of the staircases, Harley felt somebody grab her leg.

"Get off me!" she shouted. She didn't want to step down. The further she got away from that cage, the better.

The guard wouldn't let go of her leg though. Harley held onto the rail as she tried to shake the guard lose while the Joker was shooting people down left and right as he ascended. The guard yanked her back harshly, causing her to slip and fall down the flight of stairs. Her head hit the ground, eliciting a groan in response. Another guard hoisted her up, pulling her arms behind her before the first guard held a gun to her head. Had Harley had the strength, she would have fought back. But due to the lack of food Griggs had organized to keep her in line, Harley knew she wasn't up to her full self. Hadn't been for a while.

"Griggs won't be happy you're trying to escape. I haven't gotten my turn yet. You don't even want to know what I have planned," the guard taunted softly.

Harley's heart started racing and not in a good way. It didn't matter what that guard had planned. Once Griggs learned that she tried to escape, he would bring hell down on her, even more than he already had.

"Puddin'!" she screamed, not knowing what else to do. Harley's fear filled eyes met his the moment he turned around. She couldn't do this. She couldn't go back to the cage. Couldn't go back to the daily torture Griggs had thought up.

"Let go of her!" J shouted, retreating down the flight of stairs, keeping his gun pointed. He couldn't get a clear shot at the men. The guards were using Harley as a shield.

"Hands up!" the first guard shouted.

The Joker didn't relinquish any of his power. He kept the gun held tightly and waited for an opening.

"I need backup on the north side of cell block F," the other guard ordered into his walkie that was attached to his shoulder.

Harley could feel his breath down her neck, making her more uneasy with each passing second. The Joker growled and shot the man in the face when he looked back up, his blood splattering everywhere, including the other guard. In that guard's moment of surprise, the Joker shot him as well. Harley froze when the blood hit her face. It shouldn't have bothered and she knew it. Then she realized it wasn't all his blood she was feeling; some of it was her blood. It was seeping through her jumpsuit. There was no time though. Right now, they needed to run.

"Let's go."

Harley nodded her head and allowed the Joker to take her hand and lead her away. They ran up two more flights of stairs, down a side corridor, before exiting through the fire escape door. Outside, they were greeted with several vans. J hit three of the vans on the way to the fourth. They started up but didn't leave, not yet at least. Harley quickly realized what he was doing: causing a distraction. He was trying to make their getaway as successful as possible. Those vans were decoys.

When they reached the fourth van, J pulled the back door open and made sure Harley got in first. He was not going to lose her again. He refused. Harley pulled her knees in and wrapped her arms around her legs once she was inside. This was her safety position, not that it particularly did much to protect her. Still, to some extent, it helped.

"Get us the hell out of here!" J demanded, pulling the door shut.

The tires screeched as the van was put into gear and sped off. For the first time since the start of the assault on Belle Reve, the Joker could breathe again. Harley however, was in shock. Could it finally be over? Was she actually free? Did Mistah J really, truly save her?

"You okay?" he asked, noticing her vacant stare. He pulled her close, relieved to have her back in his arms again. "Shit!"

"What?"

"You're bleeding."

"Oh."

Harley had already forgotten about her injury in the adrenaline rush of breaking out. She removed the orange shirt of her jumpsuit, only to discover the lower right side of her white t-shirt was drenched in a dark red color. J pushed it up to survey the damage. He let out a sigh of relief.

"You're not bleeding anymore. Good. Now tell me how you got this gash across your side. Looks like something I would do if someone pissed me off but I didn't want to kill them."

"There was a fight this morning with Griggs. I guess when that guard got me when I slipped, it must've reopened it," she thought of quickly, pulling her shirt down to avoid J from seeing anything else. She wasn't sure if he believed her, considering she hadn't actually told him the truth. Harley couldn't bring herself to tell J the truth. It wasn't even Griggs who caused her injury this morning; it was one of his friends. Griggs was still there, watching the whole thing.

"You don't lose fights."

 _He's right: you don't._

"Harley Quinn does not lose fights," he reiterated. "I taught you better than that."

 _Harley Quinn can't do anything. Haven't you learned that by now?_

Harley cringed as the voices made their presence known. She pushed herself against him and sighed heavily. She didn't understand. She was with Mistah J now. They should have gone away.

"How long have the voices been back, Harl?"

 _He's on to you. He knows something's wrong._

"Huh?"

He lifted her chin to meet his gaze. "You're clingy."

"I've missed you. I'm allowed to miss you," she justified. "I didn't have you for two years! That's a real long time, Pud!"

"No. You're obsessively clingy and you're only like that when the voices are driving you mad. How long, Harley?"

Harley didn't want to talk about it. She pulled away from J, trying to make a point that she didn't need to be around him.

 _Face it: he doesn't want you._

"You also cringe whenever they talk," he added, making note of her current action.

Harley crossed her arms in defiance. Sometimes she really hated it when J was right. It was like he knew more about her than she did and she was the one who spent months analyzing him in Arkham. J looked at her sternly, clearly wanting an answer without saying those words.

"A while," she finally conceded. She couldn't tell him that they got even worse after his helicopter went down. And then they escalated again when Griggs started his daily punishments.

"When did they start?"

"When they moved me to Belle Reve. When I realized I wasn't getting out."

Her voice broke slightly when she thought about it. It was in that moment she realized she may never see her beloved Mistah J again and what a miserable life that was going to be.

"Did you really think I'd let you rot in that place?"

"Took you long enough to find me."

 _Too bad he couldn't find you before all this took place._

"I'm never letting you out of my sight. Ever. Again," he promised.

"Better fucking not," she whispered as she curled up tighter against him, relishing in his warmth from his prison getup. One thing she hated about Belle Reve was that it was ridiculously cold, despite being in the middle of a swamp. "I ain't goin' back there."

J grabbed his purple alligator jacket and draped it over Harley.

"You won't. Now rest up, Looney Tune. I've still got that bear skin rug and grape soda on ice waiting for us."

The idea of the bear skin rug should have excited Harley to no end. She missed the Joker and all his antics. But Belle Reve...

 _He'll make you talk about what happened when you can't_.

Harley squeezed her eyes shut and wrapped her arms about J's waist, gripping him as hard as she could. Mistah J knew the voices were in her head in that moment. It became even more evident when she started shaking.

"Harley?"

 _He'll throw you out when he learns._

"Just stop," she whispered. "It's not true. Not...true...he..."

"Shh...I'll make 'em go away," he promised, stroking her hair in an effort to try to calm her down. "Shh..."

 _He might even take you back to Belle Reve...to let you rot where you truly belong._

* * *

 **I just wanted to take a second and say thank you to all those reviewed, favorited, and alerted. You should have seen my face light up every time I got one of those emails!**


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for all the support! You have no idea how much it means to me!

It does start to get darker here, just so you're aware.

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

* * *

It was almost midnight by the time they arrived back in Gotham City.

The voices came and went but the longer the Joker kept her in his embrace, the less they appeared. Still, Harley didn't want to let go of J. It was comforting for her. Relaxing.

 _Enjoy it while you can..._

"Welcome home," he whispered upon their arrival.

He was going to treat her like the queen she was. As soon as the van was parked, he slipped out of the van first before gathering her in his arms. Harley giggled as he retreated upstairs to their bedroom, taking two steps at a time.

"No bear skin rug?" she inquired.

"We will," he teased. "Let's really take a look at you, shall we?"

"I'm disgusting," she tried to say, laughing. She was really trying to divert the conversation but the lust in J's eyes told her she was fighting a losing battle. "You don't want to look at me right now."

"You're perfect," he growled, pulling her in tighter. It had been far too long since he had his hands on her in the ways he wanted to.

"I'm covered in grime and soot and dirt and I really want a hot bath."

J shook his head and threw her down playfully on their bed before crawling on top of her. As he held down her arm, he removed more of his guard uniform before moving on to remove Harley's prison uniform. He couldn't wait to burn this disgusting rags. He expected to see her perfectly bleached skin that matched his own when he removed her white shirt. What he didn't anticipate was seeing marks and bruises that had no business being on her.

"Harley?" he asked darkly. His eyes roamed over her body, taking in every inch.

"I slipped, remember?"

"No, you were yanked back and those bruises tell me they've been there for more than a day. Looks like a week. Possibly longer. Where did they come from?"

Harley didn't say a word. She refused the acknowledge it.

"And what about these?" he questioned, rubbing his thumbs over her wrists. "Noticed them while you were sleeping earlier. And your neck?"

"Midway," she quickly lied.

The Joker stared at her, his eyes boring into her skin. He knew Harley was lying. The marks on her neck were fresh. Midway was a month ago.

"You know better than to lie to Daddy, don't you? Or has all that time in that cage rotted your brain? Show me everything," he demanded. "Now."

"Puddin'," she tried.

"Now, Harley," he growled, getting off her.

"Promise you won't be mad," she whispered.

 _You know he will._

J pulled his hand into a fist as he waited rather impatiently for Harley to perform the simple task. Harley stripped off the rest of her prison uniform under the glaring scrutiny of J. Being naked in front of him didn't bother her before, but she also had nothing to hide from him then either. She didn't try to cover herself but she refused to make eye contact with Mistah J.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he inquired, running his long, cold fingers along the marks.

Harley shivered under his touch but didn't move. She knew better than that, both from J and from her time in Belle Reve. Some of the bruises were old and starting to heal up while others were fresh, as if they had been put there just today. The myriad of colors ranging from dark purple to a light shade of yellow contrasted against her porcelain skin.

A sick, grotesque feeling filled his stomach, which was quickly replaced by a homicidal rage. He didn't know who had hurt his Harley...but whoever it was...they were in for the worst day of their pathetic, about to be dramatically shortened, life.

He sat down on the edge of the bed. He was at a loss for words, which was incredibly rare for him. There were times where he chose to be quiet but this was not one of them. Typically, Harley would stay with him until they came up with a solution to whatever had him lost for words but not this time. She slipped into the master bathroom and began to run the bath, shutting the door in the process.

"Fuck!"

Harley could hear Mistah J throwing things against the wall, causing her to flinch from his reaction. This was her fault. He was mad because of her.

"That fucking-"

"It's not like I wanted to," she whispered as the bathtub filled with hot water.

 _It's not like you stopped it either._

"I tried."

 _You could have tried harder._

She hissed as she lowered herself into the water, allowing her injuries to be submerged for the first time in almost a week. Despite the fact that the water was scalding hot, it was never going to be enough. She'd never be able to get those hands off her, no matter how many times she bathed. But for a brief moment though, it offered her solace. The moment didn't last nearly long enough.

"I don't want you in here," she said softly, not even bothering to look at him. What she wanted right now, needed, was to be left alone.

 _He'll judge you._

 _He'll yell at you._

"Too bad."

He sat on the edge of the tub, letting his feet and legs soak in the water. Instead of leaning back into him, Harley pulled away, moving as far forward as the bathtub would allow. The Joker took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. How was he supposed to deal with this? Harley never rejected his advances.

"Don't. Someone needs to get your back," he stated. At least her back wasn't nearly as littered as other parts of her body with bruises. Still, she shouldn't have had any at all. He might have been a little more forgiving it was just one or two that were healing from Midway but it was so much more than that.

His touches were soft, loving even, as he took the loofa and ran it down her back, massaging periodically. He pushed her hair to the side and saw even more fingertips on the back of her neck.

"Everyone knows not to touch you," he said softly.

"I know," she quietly responded. She took a deep, shaky breath, trying to recompose herself. "Hand me a towel."

A tear fell down Harley's cheek as she saw the contusions on her neck that she somehow hadn't noticed before while J reached over to grab a towel for her. Add those to the number on her arms and lower half and everywhere a hand could be...it wasn't long before more tears fell from her eyes.

It was one thing to have love marks from when she and the Joker had sex. But these marks on Harley's body, they were anything but loving. And they made J angry. Someone had deliberately left these abominations on his queen, almost as if they were trying to mark their territory. It wasn't theirs to mark. It was his. She belonged to him.

"Now you see why I'm upset," he growled. Okay, he was more than upset; he was livid that anybody had touched her. Everyone knew she was his girl. Seeing Harley like this...it was beyond difficult. He was trying to hold himself together. He already lost his temper in their bedroom; he sure as hell didn't need to lose it again, especially not in front of her.

"I'll kill him," she whispered as she wrapped the towel around herself tighter, standing up. "All..."

"Who?"

God, Harley wanted to admit it. She should be able to spit the names right out but...she...instead, she burst into tears, unable to hold everything back anymore. She lost her footing and nearly slipped backwards into the tub. J caught her just in time and to make both their lives easier, he eased her down into the tub. Once she was situated, he slid down behind her, spreading his legs so that one was on each side of her, ignoring the fact that he was going to be soaking wet when he got out.

But Harley...her sobs echoed loudly in the bathroom and ripped into the Joker. He had never seen Harley this upset. Perhaps now that she was home, she finally felt safe enough to let her walls down. She wrapped her arms around her legs and cried as she buried her face in her knees. She couldn't face Mistah J. She didn't want to talk about what really happened at Belle Reve. She couldn't.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

* * *

The Joker lost track of time as he sat in the bathtub with his hysterical girlfriend. He tried everything he could to try to calm Harley down from rubbing her back, holding her against him, to even telling her sick, macabre jokes in her ear, but nothing worked. The water had long turned frigid quite some time ago, but Harley gave no indication that she wanted to move. It wasn't until J could no longer stand the cold and he could see Harley physically shivering that he decided it was time.

He exited the bathtub first before reaching down and scooping his broken Harley up. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let out another broken sob. The number had dissipated down somewhat since she first started but that did nothing to console the Joker. At the end of the day, Harley was still upset and he couldn't have that.

He didn't want that. Not for her.

He carried her into their bedroom and pulled the king comforter and sheet back before laying her down. He removed the soaked towel, even though that would mean he would see all the marks on her body.

"Warm up," he ordered, covering her.

She grasped the top of it and held onto so tightly, her knuckles were almost whiter than the rest of her bleached skin, if that was even possible. She could feel herself shaking but didn't know how to make it stop. She didn't have control of anything.

She panicked briefly when she saw J leave the bedside. She didn't want to say it but she needed him right now. Having him nearby meant she was safe and she needed that feeling. When he came back, he was wearing a clean pair of boxers and was carrying gauze, medical tape, and two different types of ointments along with a clean set of clothes for Harley to wear when he was done.

"Sit up for me," he instructed.

Harley couldn't even find the energy to sit up. Hell, she could barely catch her breath. J slid his hand underneath her and gently pulled her up. Once he had her situated, he prepped himself to take care of her wounds that clearly needed to be addressed. Of course, that meant he had to keep looking at them but he was not letting anyone else touch his queen.

Harley could barely hold herself up though. She wrapped the dark purple sheet around herself tighter, leaving the clothes J had laid out on the end of the bed. She didn't even have the energy to bother getting dressed. J moved the pillows from his side of the bed and propped them behind Harley, allowing her to sit back.

"I'm never letting anyone take you away from me again. You hear me? They'll have to kill me first."

Harley nodded her head, afraid to speak. It wasn't that she was afraid to speak to Mistah J, it was more that she didn't want to know what her voice would sound like after all her sobbing.

"Now how did you get these burns?"

He took her left wrist and began massaging it gently. Harley shivered, although that very well could have been from sitting in the cold bath water.

"It looks like you were restrained," he continued.

 _And electrocuted._

"This will sting," he warned her.

Despite the warning, Harley wasn't prepared for the burning sensation that seemed to engulf her wrist, catching her off completely off guard. She tried to pull her wrist away. J held her arm firmly as he grabbed the gauze on the nightstand and tore a large piece off. Within seconds, he had her wrist bandaged, which would hopefully help in the healing process. She didn't fight nearly as much with her other wrist when it got the same treatment though, much to J's relief. He did not want to be hurting Harley, especially not in her state right now.

"This one...this will help with the bruising," he explained, holding a small black bottle. "Found it a few months ago. Got into a fight with the Bats. Trying to find you. Finally got a lead to Waller. Fucking bitch."

Because there were so many bruises, there wasn't a place where he wasn't touching her. Harley clenched her fists every time she felt like flinching from his touch, which was more often that the Joker wanted to admit. Her lower hips and upper thighs were the worst with her arms coming in at a close second. There were more bruises visible than actual skin. The Joker couldn't even begin to imagine what Harley must have gone through. He didn't even want to.

It took great restraint to not reach over and take Harley right then and there. J craved to feel her body with his but after the number of times she pulled away while he was bathing and putting ointment on her, all sex was going to do was make Harley upset. He could barely touch his girlfriend without her almost breaking down. This wasn't like his Harley.

He stroked her hair like he had in the van. It was probably the only action he could perform that didn't make Harley break down. It wasn't enough for him. After waiting more than two years and having Harley back in his possession, he couldn't even do what he wanted. As he looked at Harley, who was now slightly more at peace, he realized he had no idea how to deal with what happened. He knew what had happened though. Harley's body told him the entire story. As did her breakdown in the bathtub. He was able to make out a few words through the hysterics, including _again, stop, others,_ and _Griggs._

The words plagued him. He didn't know how to process this or even what to do. He couldn't take her to the hospital; they were the most wanted criminals in Gotham. He couldn't ask somebody; he wasn't going to betray Harley like that. Right now, it was about patching up what he could see, what he knew he could fix.

He ran his fingers across her forehead. It was a simple action he did when she was sick that always brought a smile to her face. He was desperate to see it again. Her smile was a drug. But instead of being greeting with even a tiny smile, he saw Harley cringing below his grip.

"Did Griggs rape you?" he asked softly. He desperately hoped the answer was no but he knew the clues pointed otherwise. Well, it was more than obvious that Harley had been raped. As much as he wanted to deny that, he couldn't. Now he just needed to figure out who so he could brutally torture and murder them. No one touched his queen.

Harley pulled away from J as tears spilled from her eyes. Why did he have to bring this up? Why couldn't he just kill the entire world for her?! The only decent thing the world ever did was assign her to be the Joker's psychiatrist in Arkham.

"Answer me," he pressed.

Harley nodded her head into the mattress, not willing to make eye contact. She couldn't believe she had to admit it to him. It was bad enough going through the ordeal!

"More than once?"

Again, Harley nodded her head, still not able to face the Joker. More anger coursed through his veins. More than once! So how many times? How many times had Griggs forced himself onto his queen?

He needed to do something about this. He could not let these atrocities go unpunished. He muttered a number of obscenities under his breath as he left the bed and changed into something a bit more appropriate than a pair of boxers.

"Don't go," she softly pleaded, her voice on the edge of breaking.

"Go to sleep," he ordered. "You need it."

"I need you," she shakily whispered, her bottom lip quivering.

 _Why would he even want you after he knows you've been raped?_

The Joker never thought he'd spend their first night home away from her. Up until a few hours ago, the thought had never even crossed his mind.

"Rest," he told her, placing his hand on her cheek and rubbing it affectionately for a moment. There was more authority in his voice this time but he didn't yell at her. But it did tell Harley there was no arguing back. His word was final.

He didn't slam the door on his way out like he typically did when he was angry. Still, Harley had spent time enough time alone. Now that she had the Joker back, he was all she wanted. Or she thought he had him back. She wasn't sure if he was mad at her or disappointed. She didn't know at all what he was really thinking.

Did he even want her?

Did he still love her?

 _He doesn't. He left you._

 _All. Alone._

 _It's just like we told you._

 _He doesn't want you anymore._


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry this took so long to get it out. I kept having to rewrite and refocus the chapter.

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

* * *

The Joker needed space. He didn't know how to deal with this. Well, he knew to hurt Griggs but hurting Griggs wasn't going to put Harley back to her former self. He needed to think. He needed to destroy something. He needed to kill somebody. Not Griggs though. Griggs needed to be tortured. Brutally and endlessly tortured.

On his way downstairs, he punched the wall so many times, he exposed the structural work that held it up. His knuckles were bleeding by the time he made it to the bottom step. He leaned against the wall, unsure of his next course of action. Should he actually go after Griggs? Should he send somebody else so he could set up the torture room? Should he just take a few minutes to try to control himself and then go back to Harley?

"What are you looking at?" he snapped as he felt everyone staring at him.

"Got everything you wanted, Boss. Harley's-" one henchman said.

J wasn't in the mood to hear anybody talk. He pulled his gun from his jacket pocket and shot the henchman between the eyes. As his body hit the floor, the remaining henchmen scrambled off into different rooms. The only person to remain was Johnny Frost. He had seen the Joker at his worst; he wasn't afraid of him. J held the gun up to Frost's head but that did not deter the man.

"Is Miss Quinn okay?" Frost asked.

J bared his teeth and slammed his head against the wall. No, Harley wasn't fucking okay. She had been raped and tortured and who knew what else. It would have been one thing if he had done it. But he had made it very clear to Gotham, and to the world, that no one was to disrespect the queen.

And yet somebody did.

"I'm going out," J growled after several minutes of silence.

"Backup?"

J thought about it for a brief second. Then he realized he would have to tell whoever he took what was going on. He couldn't do that. They'd look at Harley differently; they wouldn't fear her like they should. No. He needed to take care of this by himself.

"Do not let Harley out of your sight. Don't touch her. Don't go near her. If she leaves the bedroom, you guard her like a fucking hawk. Got it? I don't care if she doesn't like it. She better still be here, safe and unharmed, when I get back or it's your head on a golden plate," he ordered.

Frost nodded his head and went to check the cameras to make sure everything was in working order. While there wasn't one in J's bedroom, there were cameras outside it. Frost knew something was going on. Harley's cries echoed loudly in the penthouse. But he didn't dare ask the Joker what is was.

* * *

Harley maybe got a few hours of sleep before the voices started to drive her mad again. She briefly remembered seeing five on the clock on the nightshade. She figured she must have fallen asleep somewhere around the five AM mark and it was a little past eight AM now. Great. Three hours of sleep. Granted, that was what she typically got when she was at Belle Reve.

She sat up, secretly hoping Mistah J was in their bedroom, maybe sleeping by the door to keep guard. He could have come back in while she was sleeping. But when she saw she was alone in the room, her heart sank a little.

 _See? He's gone. He doesn't want you anymore._

Maybe they were right. Why did they have to be right?

"Fuck," she muttered, seeing the blood that had pooled beside her.

She would have to figure out how to patch it herself. If J was here, he would have just done it. Albeit, he probably would have given her a sad look but at least she trusted him. She wasn't about to go ask a henchman or even Frost to help. She didn't want anyone else to see the marks the encompassed her body. Showing Mistah J was bad enough.

She held a towel to her side, to stop the bleeding, as she fumbled to find the first aid supplies J had used earlier. She found them in the bathroom. She quickly patched herself up, placing a large bandage on the gash before wrapping her stomach in gauze to hold it in place. It looked horrid but it would do the job.

 _You look like a mess._

"I know," she whispered, holding more tears back. How had she been reduced to this?

 _No longer J left you alone. Who would want to be seen with you?_

Harley shook her head wildly, determined to not let another tear fall down her face. She spent enough time crying this morning. She had shown weakness. Harley Quinn wasn't supposed to show weakness. She was supposed to laugh at people in their faces like the Joker did.

J had apparently laid out a pair of sleep shorts and a tank top for Harley to change into. She immediately dismissed the idea. She didn't want to see any of her body if she could help it. She dug through the closet until she found one of J's long sleeved dress shirts and a pair of his sweatpants. She slipped into them quickly. They smelled like J. Best of all: they weren't prison issued. There was even a bonus: she didn't have to see the damage on her body. For the most part, she looked like her normal self.

That's when she realized she was starving. She couldn't remember the last time she ate, let alone what it was.

 _All the others will see what you look like if you leave. They'll see your puffy red eyes, the bandages, the bruises and marks. You can't hide it._

 _But if you stay in this room and have someone make you food and bring it up, you'll appear weak. They won't respect you. They'll take advantage of you._

 _But then again, you're used to it, aren't you?_

Screw it. She needed to eat. She already felt sick with everything else going on, might as well take care of what she could control right now.

Nobody greeted her as she made her way downstairs, much to her relief. She did see the huge holes in the wall, presumably from J. She tried to ignore them but couldn't; they were her fault. He had done this because he was mad at her, even if he didn't say he was.

At least the kitchen wasn't destroyed like the living room was. In fact, it was in pristine condition. Now whether it was clean because the henchmen kept on top of it or because nobody ever used it, Harley wasn't sure. But when she opened the fridge, it told her that J had been just as bad enough without her and she had been without him. The only thing in the fridge was covered in a black and blue mold, rendering it unrecognizable. She felt guilty. She was supposed to make his world better and she didn't even know how to control hers.

"Chinese food on the counter next to you," Frost pointed out.

His voice caught her off guard but she didn't want to show that. She kept a stoic look on her face as she inspected the multitude of cartons.

"You remembered my order?" she questioned harshly.

"Yours and the boss's."

"Where is he?"

"Out. That's all I know."

Harley grabbed her food and retreated to the bedroom. She didn't want to be around anyone except Mistah J. They would ask questions, force her to relive the moments she tried to push to the deepest parts of her mind. But the fact that not even Frost knew what Mistah J was did not sit well with her. She got about three bites into her food before giving up.

 _What? Not hungry? Come on now! Griggs would want you nice and strong…just so he can tear you down._

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" she screamed.

 _Or one of his friends._

"Stop! Just stop!"

 _Not like it matters. Even when you do get all your strength back, J still won't want to touch you. He only did what he did because of pity._

"Miss Quinn?"

 _Or maybe he'll just whore you out. I mean, that's what you are, isn't it?_

Harley scrambled to find a gun, her body shaking as the voices continued to make their presence known. J always kept at least one in the master bedroom, just in the event something happened.

"Is everything alright?"

She held her finger on the trigger, ready to shoot whoever entered. But nobody ever did. It wasn't until she heard them walk away that she lowered the gun, keeping it tight in her grip. For now, this would be her protection.

 _Or the death of you._

She laid back down in bed, still holding the gun. At least she wasn't afraid to shoot anyone after everything she had gone through.


	6. Chapter 6

So I was going to have J and Griggs be the focal point last chapter but I couldn't quite get it all work, especially since I knew I was going to reveal some stuff here. I hope you guys enjoy and please let me know what you think!

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

* * *

It was late when the Joker finally returned, well after midnight. Harley immediately threw her arms around him when he walked into their bedroom, needing to feel safe in his embrace. Her Puddin' was the only one she trusted right now, not that she didn't trust many people to begin with.

"Where were you? You were gone all day," she asked.

"Out," he answered, deadpan. "How did you sleep?"

"I needed you. I can't sleep without you. Now where did you go?" she pressed.

"Taking care of some business that's still not done."

"What do you mean? What business?"

"That's enough about me. Have you been in here all day?"

Harley nodded her head, ashamed. She pulled away from J and sat down on the bed. "I left for a few minutes to get food but…I don't want people to see me like this. Frost was bad enough."

J frowned as he joined her. What did Harley mean? Did Frost touch her? After he had given explicit instructions not to touch her?!

"He didn't do anything. Just watched me the entire time I was downstairs. I assumed that was your doing."

 _He doesn't trust you._

"If I ever step out again, Frost will be the one keeping an eye on you. When I'm here, I'm not letting you out of my sight," J stated. "Not unless I absolutely have to. You haven't seen protective yet."

Harley wasn't sure how she felt about that. She thought she wanted nothing else than to be with J but then she realized she wouldn't be able to hide anything. She didn't want to discuss what happened although she knew J would pry it out of her. He didn't like her keeping things from him. Made surprising him almost impossible.

"Care to tell me why am I sitting in dried blood? Your blood to be more precise?" he questioned. Another question would be why hadn't Harley bothered to change the sheets if she was bleeding.

"It's from my side. It opened while I was sleeping," she explained, looking down. She hated all the marks on her body. They were a direct reminder of Griggs and the power he dangled over her head.

J lifted her shirt to see how the gash was doing. He saw that Harley had wrapped the gauze around her side but had first placed a bandage on the gash mark, just in case it broke open again. It was acceptable, at least for the time being. He still wasn't happy with everything on Harley's body but at least they would heal up. The emotional scars inside…J wasn't sure how to approach those. He wasn't good with emotions. But he did know he wasn't going to get his Harley back to her normal, crazy self until they were dealt with.

"How are the voices? Still there?" he asked.

Harley nodded her head. She wasn't happy about it. After being with Mistah J for more than twenty-four hours, they should have disappeared. She leaned in to her favorite clown and took a deep breath. Right now, she would give anything to be normal.

"Come on. I have a surprise for you," J said, pulling Harley to her feet.

Harley liked surprises. For the first time since telling J she was raped, she smiled. The idea of a surprise, especially from her Puddin', brought her out of her slump. As long as the surprise wasn't Griggs, she would be okay. She never wanted to see that monster again.

[break]

"Why don't you say hello to our friend!" the Joker announced.

"That's a duffel bag," Harley pointed out.

"Think about what might be in the bag," he whispered into her ear. "Use that brain of yours. I know it's still there."

"It's a bag of bones!" she shouted.

The Joker smiled. He hadn't thought of that joke. It was certainly fitting for the person inside. That's what they were going to be when he was done with them. Maybe…if they were lucky.

Harley unzipped the duffel bag. She backed away quickly when she saw it was Griggs. She wasn't ready to face him. Not yet. It was too soon. It didn't matter that his mouth was gagged and his hands and feet were taped together. His presence alone but Harley on edge.

"You're staying right here while I deal with this," he told her, gripping her arms just tight enough to let her know he meant business.

Harley closed her eyes and nodded. She knew better than to argue and she definitely didn't want to try to defy J in front of Griggs. But this was way too much for her to deal with right now.

 _Just wait til Griggs tells him everything._

"If he tries to run, shoot him. Shoot him as much as you want," J ordered, handing her his gun. "You can even shoot him now if you'd like."

 _Or shoot yourself. It would make all this pain and misery go away, wouldn't it?_

Harley sighed and she sat on faded leather couch. She still didn't have all her strength back and didn't want Griggs to see that. The less power he had, the better. As J pulled Griggs from the bag and got him "situated," Harley noticed a laptop sitting on the coffee table that also held an assortment of weapons. Maybe she could distract herself with a game of solitaire or something while J conducted his business with Griggs.

"Don't touch that," J warned her. He wasn't sure exactly what was on that laptop but from Griggs's reaction, he doubted he would like it. The way Griggs shut it so quickly when J confronted him told him that he was hiding something.

"Come on, big man! Let the little girl have some fun!" Griggs shouted. Harley cringed at his words.

"Shut up," J told him. "I haven't decided how to kill you yet."

Harley kept her eyes on J the entire time, not even giving Griggs a glance. If she focused on him, she could get through this. Besides, J wouldn't let Griggs touch her. She knew that.

"So…let's take a look at screen number one!"

The Joker flipped open the screen and inserted a USB stick to bypass the password screen, only to find Harley, his Harley, pinned down to the ground, clothes ripped, tears streaming down her face. She looked as though she had been screaming. Griggs had his pants around his ankles.

J was beyond livid. He should have fucking knew it. Nothing was above that scumbag. There was going to be hell to pay. More than that. Hell couldn't even begin to describe what was to come. He turned to Griggs, his face red with homicidal rage.

"Shit," Griggs whispered.

"What is this?!" he shouted, holding the laptop in front of the pathetic excuse of a man. No, piece of flesh.

"It's not what it looks like, man," Griggs tried to explain.

"I think it's exactly what it looks like!" J roared. He pummeled Griggs to the floor. There should be no reason for any video footage to be on Griggs's laptop, let alone this atrocity of him raping Harley. He began punching Griggs, unable to stop. There was no way to contain his rage.

His hands were on Griggs's throat, nearly crushing his trachea. He wasn't going to toy with Griggs like he did when he was trying to get intel on Belle Reve. This was a personal vendetta for him. Hurting Harley in any aspect was unforgiveable in J's eyes.

"What are you talking about?" he tried to say, gasping for breath.

"Don't play stupid!" J shouted. While Harley hadn't been able to tell him everything that Griggs might have done to her, he also knew she knew better than to lie to him. If Griggs hurt her, then Griggs was responsible. He was the head guard at Belle Reve. That's why he was targeted before the Midway City incident.

Then suddenly, J stopped. He picked Griggs up and plopped him the lone chair that sat in the room. Griggs was thrown off by the Joker's demeanor change.

"I thought we were friends," J sang, straddling Griggs in his chair. "Friends share, don't they?"

"We're not friends."

"Oh, aren't we? You didn't seem to have a problem with helping yourself to Harley."

"We were told that you were dead. Shot down."

"So that gives you the right. Oh I see! Wait…we?"

"I can give you names," Griggs tried to bargain with. "It's not my fault, man!"

The Joker stopped for a minute. He turned to Harley, who at this point had turned away, not wanting to face her tormentor anymore. It was bad enough admitting to J that she had been raped on multiple occasions. Having him find out that it was more than just Griggs who had done it, she couldn't even handle the thought.

"Harley?" J inquired darkly but the Queen said nothing.

Then the Joker remembered one of the words he was able to make out through Harley's bathtub breakdown: others.

"You subjected Harley to other people?" J realized, his voice getting louder and angrier with each word.

If Griggs wasn't scared before, he certainly had a reason to be now.

"Is there video of that too?!"

 _Remember to smile._

It didn't take Harley long for her to piece the puzzle together. There was. There had to be. Why else would Griggs have told her to smile? It certainly couldn't have been because he wanted to enjoy the experience. He didn't tell her to smile every time and she certainly didn't do it voluntarily.

So how many? How much of her abuse had he caught on video? What did he do with the video? Was it just there for him to enjoy and relive like some sick pervert or did he do something else with it?

"No," she whispered, turning to Griggs, only to receive a demented smile back. She pushed past J and held the gun to Griggs's head before clicking the safety off. It was time to end this life.

"You're a fucking asshole. You deserve every ounce of pain and misery he puts on you. But it'll never be enough. Not even close," she said softly, her voice shaking. She didn't know where this newfound courage had come from but she didn't want Griggs to think he had taken over her life with his little stunts.

"You deserved every bit of it," he whispered just loud enough for Harley to hear.

 _He's right. You did._

"It's my fault," she said to herself.

She dropped the gun and walked out of the room. J was quick to notice how calm and composed she was. It was the complete opposite since she'd been home. Something was off.

"What did you say to her?" J growled.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Griggs taunted.

The Joker let out an animalistic growl and backhanded Griggs to the ground before shooting him in the kneecap. For a moment, he felt better.

But the reality was that it didn't change what happened to Harley. As much as the Joker wanted to take back what happened to her, he didn't have that power. He had the whole crime world under his thumb and it didn't even matter. There was nothing he could do to Griggs that would make up for what happened to Harley.


	7. Chapter 7

Hope you guys enjoy!

Also, if you have not read the _Impulse_ series by Mabel Madness, you totally need to!

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

* * *

Harley somehow kept herself composed until she made it back to the bedroom. Even Frost noticed how calm she was. But since the Joker didn't immediately follow her, Frost knew Harley shouldn't be left alone. He still didn't know what exactly had happened but J had made it explicitly clear to him that someone needed to be around her at all times.

But Harley didn't want anyone around. She slammed both the master bedroom and bathroom doors in Frost's face. Within moments of slamming both doors, she was vomiting violently. She quickly gave up holding her hair back, choosing instead to use one arm to hold her side as her current action was hurting her more than it probably should have. She thought the worst of it was being raped over and over again and by multiple people. Now that she realized it had been recorded, a sick feeling filled her stomach. How could someone do this to her? Even J, who could be downright mean and abusive at times, wouldn't do this.

Frost stood outside the door and listened. He knew better than to enter the master bedroom unless he was exclusively invited by the Joker. Unless it became a life or death situation with Harley, Frost was not crossing that boundary.

"How long?" J asked. He could hear Harley vomiting downstairs, prompting him to knock Griggs out so he could attend to her. He really needed to work on the insulation and echo problem of this penthouse.

"About fifteen minutes now. It'll stop momentarily and then start back up," Frost stated.

Great. Harley was sick and throwing up in the bathroom and probably would be for some time. Harley never could just get sick once and be done with it. The Joker motioned Frost down the hall, not wanting Harley to overhear their conversation. She was stressed enough. He didn't want to add to it. Griggs being in the same building as them was probably setting her off even more.

"I um...I need you to get a pregnancy test for Harley," the Joker muttered once they had some distance. He couldn't believe he was asking Frost to do this but he knew he couldn't leave Harley in her state and he sure as hell wasn't going to ask if she wanted one. He didn't know for sure but he didn't want to upset her any more than she already was. Psychopath or not, he did care about Harley. She had grown on him, infiltrated his life. He would do anything to protect her or to avenge her.

Frost looked at his boss as if the Joker told him to go shoot up an orphanage or something.

"Don't. Make me. Repeat it. And don't send somebody else. I don't need anyone to know what's going on. As far as they know, Harley's sick. Some sedatives too. I need her to sleep."

"Are you sure sedating Harley is going to help?"

J had half a mind to shoot Frost. But Harley needed his attention more and he didn't want to deal with a body right now. "Don't question my motives. You know better than that. Drop them off in my office when you get them."

* * *

"You sound awful," J stated as he walked into the bathroom. Harley responded to him by flipping him off with her middle finger.

He sat down next to her and tried to rub her back, only to see her flinching from his touch. He growled to himself. All he wanted was to make his Harley feel better and he couldn't even touch her without her somewhat losing it. All it was going to be was a simple back rub. Nothing more. He never had to show restraint. It infuriated him that he couldn't touch his girlfriend. It had been almost forty-eight hours since Belle Reve and he had nothing to show for it.

"I'm yours. I'm only yours," she whispered, curling up next to J when she finally got a break. "I promise."

"I know," he replied.

"You must hate me now," she muttered.

"No."

"I'm supposed to be yours! You know what it says on my back? It says property of Joker! It means I belong to you!"

"You are and you do," he reiterated, struggling to keep his voice even to have some sense of control. "Harley, I know you didn't ask for this. You may be a masochist in the bedroom but this is different. Now, Griggs won't tell me a fucking thing and I need to know."

"That means I have to tell you, doesn't it? I have to tell you everything?"

J nodded his head. He was going to have to retraumatize Harley so he could exact his revenge. Usually, he loved torturing people but this was going to hurt Harley and he wasn't looking forward to that.

"You'll hate me," she said again. "You won't want me anymore."

"I'm angry! Harley, somebody put their hands on you that wasn't me! I'm fucking pissed!"

"I never wanted to. You gotta believe me, Puddin'!"

He did. He knew what happened to his girl was not her fault. Besides, if Harley was able to stop it, he knew she would have. She wouldn't wish this upon herself.

"Harley, besides Griggs, how many people am I dealing with?" he asked slowly. He purposely didn't say the words rape or hurt because he didn't want to upset her further. She was already a mess.

"I…I really…don't…later?"

"How many?" he asked again. He needed a start point.

"Three others," she answered quickly. Like ripping a band-aid off; just get it over with.

"So, four, including Griggs?"

Harley turned and retched into the toilet again before she could confirm the answer.

"It hurts," she moaned. She laid her head down against the cool porcelain of the toilet seat.

"Throwing your guts up does that."

J soaked a washcloth and laid it on the back of Harley's neck. Harley mumbled her thanks but didn't move. That required too much energy.

"As long as your intestines don't come up, you're good."

"That's not funny!"

"Shh," J ordered softly. "You're fine."

Harley shook her head. "I'm not. Not fine. Never fine. Never normal."

"Don't go off on that tangent again. I can't deal with it right now."

Harley had red in her eyes, fuming at his comment. "You can't handle it?!"

"Harley," he warned her.

"He recorded it!" she cried. "I have to live with that!"

And then there was more vomit.

J tried to look at the better side of that situation. If Griggs had indeed recorded every session with Harley, then he would know who hurt her. He would know who to take revenge on. Still, that meant he would need to watch all that footage and while not much bothered him, watching Harley get hurt was going to be difficult. He lost control when Harley told him on the incident and again when he realized it was more than just Griggs. Seeing the footage…he was not looking forward to that.

"Better?" he asked when she finished.

Harley shook her head. If he meant did she feel any better after puking her guts up, the answer was most definitely no.

"Wanna go lie down?" he suggested.

"I…I think so," she muttered, holding on to Mistah J for support. They got three steps away from the toilet when the urge to vomit resurfaced. Before she could turn back, the overwhelming feeling became a reality and she vomited on J's pants. At least she was able to make it back to the bowl as the next round came up.

J groaned in displeasure as he stripped off his pants and threw them in the corner. At least the smell of vomit hadn't permeated into his boxers or gotten on them. He sat back down next to Harley and waited. He was trying to be supportive, he really was. But other than just being there, he didn't know what else to really do.

"J? What if I'm pregnant?" Harley asked once the nausea started to quell down.

"You're throwing up from the stress," he replied immediately.

"But I could be."

Yes, it was possible that Harley was having morning sickness. But he refused to put that thought in Harley's head, especially right now. He didn't even really want to think about it. He was already having a hard enough time dealing with the issues at hand. Adding a potential pregnancy to the mix…it made J want to vomit. Hopefully after Frost came back, J could put his nerves to rest.

"Let's get you cleaned up. Can't have you looking like this," J suggested. He really just wanted to get off the subject of a potential pregnancy, for Harley's sake. While he didn't show it, he was stressed with Harley. He thought Harley being raped by Griggs was rough. Now that he had to deal with three other people and footage of the event…a pregnancy was the last thing he wanted to deal with.

"I want a bath," she mumbled.

J nodded his head and began to run the bath, putting some of the sparkling bubble soap that Harley liked in it. He couldn't stand it but he thought it might make Harley feel a bit better. At this point, anything that would help, he was willing to try. He hated seeing Harley so miserable. He removed her clothes, trying to avoid as many bruises as he could, and set her down into the bathtub.

"You should soak for a while. Should help the bruises too. Come check on you in a little while."

"Stay with me? I haven't heard any voices in a little while and I don't want them to come back," she requested. There were tears in her eyes. She was scared. His little harlequin needed to feel safe.

J gave her half a smile and stripped out of the rest of his clothes. He slid down behind her and then pulled her close until her head was laying on his chest. She traced his tattoos silently as he stroked her hair. He was still figuring out what he could do that wouldn't make Harley upset. So far, stroking her hair was the only thing he could come up with.

"When you're ready and I don't care how long it takes, you will kill Griggs. He can rot until then," J finally said.

"Forever," she mumbled against his chest.

"I mean, I might have to go have a bit of fun now and then, but I'll keep him alive. Maybe just barely but..." the Joker tried to laugh. "Might even cut off some of his limbs…use those to hurt him."

Harley pushed herself off Mistah J. She wasn't ready to get out of the tub just yet though. Griggs invaded her thoughts. How could J possibly expect her to kill him? She couldn't even be in the same room as that person without losing it. She wrapped her arms around her knees and laid her head on top. J recognized this as her safety position. She did it in the van when he sprung her from Belle Reve. She did it when she had her first breakdown in the bathtub.

"I need you to relax," he whispered, pulling her to him and massaging her shoulders. He couldn't stand this. He still didn't know how to make things better, which frustrated him to no end. To his relief, Harley didn't pull away or flinch as much as she had the first time he touched her. It was progress, just not nearly enough for J. He needed his monster back.


	8. Chapter 8

I got really emotional writing this chapter. But I hope you guys enjoy this installment.

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

* * *

"How many times do I need to tell you that it's never going to happen!" J shouted at her. He didn't know what else to do to get his point across.

Harley had her first nightmare that morning. In it, the Joker had become so fed up with her, he took her back to Belle Reve and handed her and a stack of cash to Griggs. He didn't even turn as she screamed his name over and over again.

"But it felt so real! It was cold and-"

"That's what a nightmare does! Do you really think I'd be torturing Griggs if I was going to hand you over to him?"

Harley shook her head and grabbed one of J's spare guns from the nightstand. She gripped it tightly. It protected her before; it could do it again.

"Give me the gun," J ordered.

"No! I need it to feel safe!" she argued.

"Then I'll get you your bat."

"Get me the magnum."

J shook his head. Harley was getting irrational. Being irrational meant unpredictability and that led to mistakes. He was fine with her sleeping with a weapon if it made her feel safer but not something that could kill her instantly.

"Everyone knows to fear you and your bat. It's your signature weapon," he reassured her. "Besides, no one would dare mess with you when they know they have to go through me first. Nobody messes with me."

"I don't know where it is though."

"I do."

"Okay," she whispered, letting go of the gun.

"Good girl," J praised her. He gave her a light kiss on the forehead as he grabbed the gun. "Stay right here."

"Boss! You need to see this!" Frost called.

"Be back shortly."

"With my bat?"

"Yeah."

Harley didn't exactly want the Joker to leave her but she did want her bat. She would be okay for a few minutes. Besides, J wouldn't be gone longer than he needed to be.

"We got a problem," Frost announced when the Joker entered. This was a pressing matter that needed to be addressed.

"In a minute!" J snapped. Harley was his first priority right now. He dug through Harley's chest and found her bat near the top. Of course it would be. She used it in Midway. He also grabbed a syringe and the two boxes of pregnancy tests. He had no idea why Frost had gotten two boxes but he didn't care to ask.

He was back in the bedroom within four minutes. Upon entering, he immediately handed the bat over to Harley. She seemed to relax a little by holding it.

"Better?"

"What is that?" Harley asked as she held onto the bat like a small child would a teddy bear.

"Pregnancy tests. I know you were worried about that. Take it when you're ready," he instructed. "There's no rush."

"No. The needle. What is it?"

"It will help you sleep."

"I don't want it. I don't want it!"

"Harley," J tried to soothe her.

"No! Don't!"

Harley tried to run. She didn't want to be drugged. J quickly wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her back before straddling her to she couldn't try again. Harley quickly started hitting J, hoping it would stop him. But as soon as her hands made contact with him, J grabbed her wrists, rendering that tactic useless.

"Don't do this to me! I'm not crazy! Don't do this! Daddy!"

Holding the syringe in his mouth, he pushed Harley's hair to the side. He quickly located one of the veins in her neck and injected the liquid in there. Harley felt her entire body start to go numb and heavy. She looked at Mistah J with watery eyes. How could he do this to her?

"It'll quiet the voices too. It's okay. Trust me," he said softly as Harley started to drift out of consciousness. "It's only until we can get things under control."

* * *

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

Frost stood back as his boss sat at the desk and rubbed his temples. He couldn't even bring himself to click on the video of Harley that was the highlighted video on the top of the page on the pornography site Frost had located. But he knew it was Harley. He recognized the tattoos and the Belle Reve environment.

"Get it down," he seethed.

"It's the internet. Once something's out there, you can't take it back."

"Find a way!" he shouted, throwing a chair. He pulled a gun and held it to Frost's head. "We have one of the most advanced systems in Gotham! You will find a way to get it off that website and I will figure out if it's anywhere else!"

J stormed downstairs, killing two henchmen who looked at him the wrong way, as he descended. He didn't even care that he got blood of his brand-new shoes. He needed answers. J made his way into his makeshift torture room that laid just beyond the kitchen. It was supposed to do double as a pantry but since J and Harley tended to eat more take out than actually cook, the room was rather useless for its intended purpose. Griggs had been suspended by his arms, leaving his feet a good few feet from the ground.

"You fucking piece of shit!" J yelled. He yanked the chains holding Griggs so hard, the former guard was slammed to the floor. "A porn site?!"

Griggs smiled. "Found one, huh?"

"One of them?!"

"Those sites…man do they pay good money for footage like that!"

He kicked Griggs so hard, he started coughing up blood, not that J cared. Yes, he hurt him, but not nearly enough to kill him. He would leave that to Harley.

"What's good at cutting through bone?" J pondered aloud.

If Griggs was scared, and he damn well should have been, he didn't show it. That was fine with J; Griggs's reaction wasn't going to sway him one way or another. He grabbed a circular saw from the table and turned it on.

"Tell me: how much do you like your right arm?"

* * *

Harley came back around a few hours later. She wasn't sure what Mistah J had put into her system but she was grateful for a little sleep where she wasn't woken up by a nightmare.

Mistah J was nowhere in sight. Whatever Frost needed him to see was important. He never left her side for long periods. But J's office was right down the hall. Maybe he had just come in and checked on her and went back.

She grabbed one of the water bottles from the nightstand and drank it all the way down. Vomiting led to dehydration and Harley already felt like crap. She wanted to control what she could. As the set the bottle down and reached for a second, she saw the pregnancy boxes. Honestly, Harley couldn't remember the last time she had her period. She feared the worst. J said not to worry about it but if he got her pregnancy tests, then he clearly was concerned, even if he didn't say it.

Sitting on the toilet and peeing on a stick wasn't how she wanted to start the day. It was an awkward position but at least drinking all that water helped. The waiting though...it had been two minutes and she was already going mad. But she waited. She needed that reassurance that everything was okay.

Two pink lines showed up. Harley started to freak out. Can't be positive. Must be a false positive. False positives happen. She grabbed another one. If this one came out negative, she'd be fine. That one turned up positive as did the one after that.

"No no no no no," she started to softly cry. This couldn't be happening. Then she saw there was still one more test. Okay, at long as one of them came up negative, she was okay. These were just defective. That's it: defective.

 _No they're not._

She opened the last pregnancy test. Her last hope. This one had to come up negative. But within minutes of taking it, it showed her the one result she didn't want to see.

 _Pregnant. Told you so._

"Harley?"

Harley quickly tried to wipe away the tears that were trying to leave her eyes. Pregnancy should have been a joyous occasion but she saw it as another way for Griggs to torture and control her. It was never going to end.

J still saw the tears when he came inside. Before he could ask, Harley pointed to the sink where she had placed all the pregnancy tests. All four of them. All positive.

"Fuck," J said to himself.

"I'm pregnant," she whispered, burying her face in his blood-stained shirt. "I'm sorry!"

This was the worst-case scenario. The only thing he didn't want to deal with on top of everything else was a pregnancy but apparently, that just wasn't in the cards. He knew Harley wanted to have kids but not like this.

"I don't wanna be pregnant!" she wailed.

J didn't know what to do. He just stood there, looking at the sticks. If it was only one, he would have considered it a mistake. He couldn't so easily dispute four.

"There has to be something you can do. Please, Daddy?"

The Daddy card. Harley very rarely played it outside their sexual playtime. He was always Puddin' to her. She only used Daddy when she was scared and J knew it. He was her protector.

"Daddy?"

"Shut up. Daddy's tryin' to think."

 _No, Daddy just doesn't want to listen to you cry and whine anymore._

"Please! I can't keep it! I don't even know whose it is! I need to get rid of it!"

"And where am I supposed to take you to do this? Harley, we can't go to a hospital and request an abortion! They'll take you away from me!"

How could her whole world crash and burn? She sat down on the edge of the bed and cried as she held her face in her hands. Moments later, she had her knees pulled up to her chest.

"I don't deserve this," she whispered.

J agreed with her. Harley may be demented and a psychopath but she most certainly didn't deserve the battle she was facing.

"You can beat it out of me," she said suddenly.

She tossed the bat in J's direction. She wouldn't be able to apply enough force even if she could hit herself at the right angle.

"Just make it quick. Please? For me?"

She closed her eyes and waited. J gripped the bat tightly. Why would Harley want him to do this to her after everything she had already been through?

"Please, Daddy?"

Mistah J dropped the bat. Harley was worse off than he thought. Something inside her head had snapped. This was bad. He wasn't just battling the voices in her head and the atrocities that had been thrust upon her; he was going to have to fight her entire mind. If it was anything like his, J knew he was screwed.

He pulled Harley close, letting her know that he was there. He would always be there for her, no matter what happened. This wasn't her fault; he wasn't going to blame her for it.

"Does that mean no?" Harley whispered.

"Means no," he confirmed.

 _He's gonna make you carry this baby to term to punish you. He's trying to punish you for not fighting back to stop it._

"Is this a punishment?" she asked. "For what I let them do to me?"

J looked down at her. Is that what she thought? He ordered her to take a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds before exhaling. He needed her to calm down.

"I…I will figure something out but if I beat this baby out of you, it will kill you. I'm not taking that chance," he said softly.

"How?"

 _He won't. You know that. He's trying to make you feel better before he kills you for carrying another man's baby. You should do him a favor and do it for him!_

"Stop. Make 'em stop," Harley whispered.

"Just ignore them. The only voice you should be listening to is mine."


	9. Chapter 9

Warning: the first part of this could be considered graphic.

Also, updates are going to be a bit further apart than they were previously. I have a general idea where I'm heading, but as I found out with this chapter, someone doesn't like to cooperate.

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

* * *

"Hello hotness. Ready to play?"

Harley didn't want to play. She hated playing his games. They weren't games. It was sheer torture. It had been this way every single day since she finished with Task Force X. Well, starting on day two. Day one wasn't so bad, except for the being brought back to prison part.

She sat down in the middle of her cage, away from everything. Despite being a cage, Harley knew she wasn't safe from Griggs. He had made that very clear to her already, even without saying it. This cage was going to be the death of her someday, but right now, it did offer her safety. It wasn't much but it was better than nothing.

"Come here," he ordered.

Harley shook her head and stayed in the middle of her cell. She knew what Griggs was trying to do: lure her to the bars and then electrocute her so he could have his way. She might have been crazy but she was smart. People frequently forgot how intelligent she was.

"Don't be like that now," Griggs pouted. Harley responded with a harsh glare. How dare he think she should be easy going about all this!

"Haven't I given you everything you wanted? I even had them bring your bed back..."

"For your own fucked up use," she muttered. She rather be sleeping on the floor than endure this.

"To make you more comfortable," he finished. "I even brought you a special feast today."

A cheeseburger. Harley couldn't remember the last time she had a cheeseburger. And bacon. There was even a strawberry milkshake. Harley's stomach growled. Why did it have to betray her like that?

"Tell you what: if you can reach the milkshake, I'll not only give it to you but I'll cancel today's playtime. How does that sound?"

A challenge. Harley loved a good challenge. And the possibility of not having playtime? Even better.

"But if you lose, we try something different today," he warned her.

What could possibly be worse than the daily session of rape and torture? Death? Please. Death was practically welcomed. The possible threat didn't deter her.

Holding one arm on the bars, she tried to push her other arm through her cage. But as she reached for the milkshake, Griggs grabbed her wrist and handcuffed her to the cage. She growled. How could she have fallen for that? She pulled against the handcuff but there was no leeway since Griggs had pinned her wrist to the bar and then placed the handcuff over it. It was tight and probably cutting off circulation to her hand. Her hand was going to be blue in no time at all thanks to the deprivation of oxygen to it.

"One more chance."

Griggs stood on the the other side of the cage. Harley hesitated reaching for the milkshake after she fell into his trap once. Still, that didn't stop her from trying. If there was even a possibility of not having playtime, it was worth it in her mind. But as she tried the same tactic of reaching through the bars, Griggs tricked her the same way and handcuffed her wrist directly to the cage.

Maybe that lack of food was affecting her ability to think. At this point, nothing could surprise her.

"Don't you move now."

Not that she particularly had that ability. Her hands were handcuffed to her cell bars so tightly, her wrists were already turning colors as Griggs entered her cell.

"Here, have a drink," he suggested. He held the milkshake in front of her. Her stomach growled in protest again. She didn't want to give in to Griggs but the urge to have some kind of liquid, besides espresso, in her proved to be too overwhelming. She hadn't had anything in the last two days. Or maybe it was three. Her body was desperate for some kind of nourishment. Reluctantly, she leaned forward enough to get some of the milkshake down. It didn't taste nearly as good as she hoped it might have but it felt good to have something in her stomach again.

Then again, it was probably just there to make sure she didn't pass out during the playtime.

"Better?" he asked.

Before Harley could answer, she began to drink the milkshake again. She tried to pass it off as she was desperate for something in her stomach, which was technically true, but if she drank enough, maybe she would get sick for doing it too quickly. If she got sick, that would make Griggs cancel playtime.

"You were thirsty! Have to make sure to you start getting more water. Keep you hydrated. Maybe cut back on that espresso."

"Cheeseburger," she mumbled. After downing the milkshake, she started to realize just how hungry she was.

"Later. I brought some friends today," he announced as he began to remove her clothing. Once he had her bottom half undressed, he took scissors to the top half, preferring to have her immobilized and to replace her uniform to keep her compliant.

In just a few minutes, he had her completely naked. The cold air sent shivers down her spine, just like every time before. In a matter of a week and a half, Griggs had broken her down, and Harley hated herself for it. She was the Joker's girlfriend: nothing should have bothered her. But what could she do? Griggs always made sure she was immobilized and unable to fight back. And he took full advantage of her situation.

"I never get tired of looking at you like this. So weak. So vulnerable. And so...so beautiful. It's time we took advantage of that."

As if on cue, two men walked into her cell block. They were dressed as guards but Harley didn't recognize them.

"Now they've paid me good money to double team you."

Harley did not like where this was going. Double team? Both?

"And you're going to let them do whatever they want," Griggs explained slowly, running his fingers down her front side. "Maybe if you're good, I'll bring you a little something. Some extra food maybe? I don't think you've eaten in a few days. We got to keep that the strength up for playtime. If you're really good, you can have that cheeseburger when they're done."

"Don't do this to me," she begged, tears already threatening to leave her eyes.

"I gave you fair warning before we played our little game. You should be happy I let you have the milkshake anyway."

She just had to drink that milkshake, didn't she? Not that it mattered: Griggs would have tortured her either way.

"Now, be good. I'll be watching to make sure."

As Griggs turned to leave, the two men who waited outside the cage burst in. Within seconds, they had their hands all over her. They were grimy and rough. Disgusting.

"She's pretty," the younger of the two said. By the sound of his voice, he couldn't have been older than twenty-five.

"Be quiet, Murray. She'll be your birthday present...after I make sure she can really perform," the larger man said. "You've served me well over the past year but I can still take your reward away."

The man looked over Harley like a piece of meat. She hated how his gaze made her feel. She was supposed to be the Queen of Gotham City, not something to be used and abused.

"You will call me Master Harrison. Are we clear?"

Harley kept her gaze downcast but nodded.

"Now, I want you to scream for me."

Harley didn't want to. She didn't want to give any satisfaction to Griggs or his pathetic companions.

"I said scream you fucking bitch!"

Harley bit her lip and gave them nothing. Maybe if she didn't do what they wanted, they would get bored of her. They would stop. They would leave her alone. It would all be over. Sometimes Griggs gave up when she wouldn't cooperate. It wasn't much of a win as he would come back the next day which something just as sadistic, but at least everything stopped for a little while.

Harrison wrapped his large hands on Harley's neck and began choking her.

"Your friend promised us a good time," he stated. "And I'm not having a good time."

Harley nearly told Harrison to fuck off but figured that would only enrage him further. Instead, she remained quiet. Harrison squeezed tighter. Death would be preferred over this, especially since her Puddin' was gone. She didn't have anything to live for.

He turned to Griggs. "You said these bars were wired with electrics, right?"

"Hit her," Griggs ordered into his walkie.

The electric current surged through Harley's body, causing her to scream, much to her dismay. She tried to hold back her tears but between all the pain and humiliation, she just couldn't do it anymore. The hot tears rolled down her cheeks faster in succession. She wanted her legs to go numb so she could hit the ground, to make it all stop, but the handcuffs against the cage prevented her from doing that.

She literally had to stand there and take it.

"Hey Harley!" Griggs shouted. "Remember to smile!"

Harley woke up screaming, tears running down her face, which was red and blotchy. She couldn't catch her breath, her crying making it even harder than it should have been. She scratched at her arms, desperate to get those touches off her. She didn't even stop when blood started to come out.

J was up in seconds. He used to be a heavy sleeper when he did sleep but since Harley had been back, he woke up even if she shifted in bed.

"Need it off. Need to get it off," she kept repeating.

"Harley, stop!" J shouted when he saw the blood.

"I'm dirty! And disgusting! I need to get clean! Need to be clean!"

She kept scratching at her arm. Blood was getting under her fingernails but it didn't stop her.

"Harley," J tried.

"Not clean. Not clean."

"Harley."

She continued to scratch her arms. Harley was stuck in her own mind, the most dangerous place she could be right now.

"Look at me!" J ordered.

As J grabbed her arms, she looked up at him. Her eyes were still red and puffy.

"Who am I?" he asked her.

"Mistah J," she shakily whispered. "Daddy."

At least she wasn't so far gone that she didn't recognize him. That was a good sign. Sometimes when the voices fully took over, which thankfully he had only seen once, Harley didn't even know what was around her.

"Daddy's not going to let anything bad happen to you ever again. You know that. Take a deep breath. Nobody will hurt you. Never again."

"But it was real," she tried to explain.

"No it wasn't."

"I could feel it!"

J shook his head as he pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her tightly before resting his head on her shoulder. "You had another nightmare."

"They're not stopping. They're getting worse. I'm getting worse!"

"Harley-"

"Get off me!"

Even though he didn't want to, J let go of Harley. She crawled until she got off the bed and then sat by the closet, again pulling her knees to her chest. J wasn't sure how to break her of that habit. He knew it gave her a sense of security but it also showed him how broken she was and he hated that. After giving her a few minutes to try to recompose herself, J got off the bed to go sit next to her.

"Stay over there!" she warned.

J merely wanted her to feel better. Nightmares weren't fun for either of them but this was the first time she had explicitly told him to stay away. How was he supposed to make things better if Harley pushed him away?

"Do you wanna talk?" he asked.

Harley shook her head.

J sighed. He wasn't going to push her right now, but he couldn't let this continue on. He had to get to the bottom of this to get her back. As soon as he could get Harley to relax enough, he was going to make her tell him everything.


	10. Chapter 10

So this is what the first half of this chapter was actually going to be until I kept flushing it out and realizing I was heading toward a much longer chapter than I anticipated. So I decided to split it in two. It also allowed me to set some things up that weren't planned to begin with.

Also, the response to the last chapter (that I was terrified to post BTW) blew me out of the water. I can't say thank you enough!

Enjoy!

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

* * *

After waiting nearly two hours, Harley finally came back to bed. She didn't say anything, almost as if what had happened earlier was normal. In a sense, it was, especially after coming back from Belle Reve. She allowed J to wrap his arms around just enough to let her know he was there and she was protected.

Harley wished it was enough but she just didn't feel all that safe with all the henchmen around and J coming and going as he pleased. While she knew Frost wouldn't be stupid enough to do something, even his presence put her on edge but since he was Joker's right hand man, she was willing to give him a pass. Still, she avoided leaving the bedroom unless she absolutely had to. Their bedroom was a safe haven for her, most of the time.

But right now, it didn't provide her any solace. That nightmare was still fresh in her mind and even being in J's embrace wasn't helping. She had been tossing and turning for the last hour and a half and still couldn't get herself comfortable.

"Harley, go to sleep," J growled.

"Can't."

"Yes you can; you just won't."

"I can't!"

J sat up, pulling Harley up with him. "And why not?"

Harley wouldn't say anything. She tried to worm her way out of J's grasp, only to have him hold her tighter.

"Harley," he warned. "Why can't you sleep?"

"It doesn't matter. I'll be quiet and I won't move so you can sleep."

J frowned. Harley wasn't complacent like this. She was an opinionated pain in the ass. He didn't like this new Harley. He wanted his Harley back.

"Talk."

"I...I can still feel their hands and…it…you don't get it! You...you don't understand! You wouldn't!"

"Then help me! Help me figure it out so we can get past this!" J shouted at her.

His tone caught Harley off guard. She knew he was still angry about what happened to her. Hell, she was still angry about what happened. She felt like her life had been completely ripped from underneath her and she didn't know how to piece it back together. She barely knew how to make it day to day right now.

"I...I think I need some space."

"You spent two hours sitting by our closet. You need sleep."

"You don't know what I need!" she screamed. "Stop pretending that you do!"

Harley kicked the blankets back and threw a pillow in J's face, giving her just enough time to get herself out of bed and head toward the door.

"Where are you going?!"

"I need space!" she reiterated, slamming the door on her way out.

The Joker threw his head back on the pillow when Harley left. Her mood swings were going to be the death of him. He was getting little sleep, no thanks to Harley's nightmares. They were getting worse. It started out with one a night. Not great, but he could deal with that. Then it escalated into two and three a night. Harley had reached a point where she was lucky to even get an hour of sleep without having some sort of nightmare. Every time she had one, it took J anywhere from a few minutes to a couple of hours to coax her back to sleep, depending on how bad it was. Last night was the worst. Harley had only been asleep for about forty five minutes when the nightmare hit, which meant the Joker got even less.

He expected to see Harley sitting outside their bedroom when he opened the door. He knew she didn't like to be far from him, especially not while she kept calling him Daddy.

"This is the most amazing product I've ever seen!"

Harley was in the living room, judging from the sound the echoed in the penthouse. That was the only room, besides his office, that had a television. And Harley knew damn well she wasn't allowed in his office right now.

"Can't get away from you, can I?" she mumbled as he marched downstairs. She must have forgotten that the Joker had excellent hearing, a side "perk" of his acid bath.

"I told you, I wasn't letting you out of my sight."

 _He doesn't trust you to be alone._ _Look at your arms._

Harley glanced down at her arms, red from all the scratching and excessive rubbing. J pulled her into his lap as he sat down, not wanting Harley to do something stupid. He wanted to trust her but earlier actions told him it was better to watch her like a hawk rather than give her the space she requested.

"So what are we watching?" he asked.

"And it's yours for the low, low price of $9.95!"

"Bad infomercials. It was that or news and I...laughter is better for me. Besides, if you're not causing the trouble, the news isn't that entertaining."

"We'll get back out there," he told her.

"You will. I doubt I will."

 _The world knows what's happened to you._ _Even if you make it back out, no one is gonna look at you the same way._ _They'll just see a victim, a pathetic example of life._

"We need to talk about your nightmares," J stated. He held off on talking about the voices, even though he could tell they were in her head from her cringing. The last thing he needed to deal with right now was her getting overwhelmed and shutting down.

"I don't think we do," Harley tried.

"Whether or not you think we do is not up for discussion. Tell me what happened."

"Why do you want me to keep reliving it?" she countered. "Can't we just agree that living through it was bad enough and let it go?"

J shook his head. "If it wasn't destroying you, then maybe. Right now, you need to discuss it. I...I don't know how to help you if you keep it locked in your head."

"Maybe I don't want your help," Harley snapped. She was getting defensive. J knew he was in for a long night with her.

"Was it about one of your rapes?"

Harley cringed at the word rape. She still didn't want to admit that's what happened. The word made her feel weak, worthless.

 _You are._ _Surprised Mistah J still touches you._

"Griggs?" he tried.

She shook her head. "Some of the others."

"When..." the Joker started but then paused. He didn't want to ask this but he didn't want Harley hiding anything from him. "When you say some of the others, are you saying it was multiple people at once?"

He already knew what the answer was. He had one video with two assailants on her. It was the only video he had been able to watch in its entirety before he passed the duty onto Frost, the only person he trusted with information about what happened to Harley. Honestly, J really just wanted to see if Harley would be truthful in her answer.

Harley looked at him with wide eyes. How could he possibly know what her nightmare was about?

"Did he record that too?!" she screeched before she completely broke down crying. "And you've seen it?!"

Before J could respond, Harley pulled her knees up to her chest again.

"Bo-"

J quickly turned his head toward the kitchen and held his finger to his lips, telling Frost to be quiet, not needing Harley to be anymore upset than she already was. Frost held his hands up slowly in defense and backed out of the living room.

"You're okay," J cooed softly. "This isn't your fault. I'm not angry at you. So...calm down, alright?"

He placed his hand on her back and slowly rubbed in circles up and down her spine. To his surprise, Harley didn't flinch or try to pull away. She actually started to relax a little.

"That's it. Deep breath, Harls. Deep breath."

At least now he could rub her back without her panicking; it was a step in the right direction. Sex was still completely out of the question though. If he wasn't so damn in love with this woman, he wouldn't care about what she wanted or how she felt. And while it pained him to even think about admitting it, he would give everything up to make his queen feel better. To get her back to where she used to be.

Harley could barely keep her eyes open as the informercials dragged on. Her breakdown completely wore her out. She allowed J to lift her from the couch and take her back to the bedroom. Maybe now she would sleep. Her body certainly needed it.

"Daddy's going to go out for a little while you rest," he stated, leading her to the bed.

"Where?" Harley asked groggily. The lack of sleep was definitely catching up to her.

J refused to answer that. He didn't want Harley to worry about him when she had enough to deal with. "Frost will be here if you need something, alright?"

He pushed her hair to the side as she Harley tried to situate herself. She instantly realized what he was doing: he was going to drug her.

"I don't want it," she muttered before her body kicked into overdrive. "I'm not crazy, Daddy. You don't need to sedate me. I'm not crazy!"

"I need to make sure you sleep some while I'm gone," J justified. "You're barely sleeping."

"Then stay! I promise I'll go to sleep. Just stay with me."

 _This is it._ _He's finally going to leave you._

"I promise I'll be good!" she screamed. "I'll be your good little girl but don't leave me!"

 _You'll never be his perfect little girl again._

"I will!" she pleaded. Her face was red, due to her crying and screaming.

The Joker set the syringe on the nightstand, sighing heavily. Harley watched his every move, ready to fight back if absolutely necessary. No more drugs.

"Harley, are you afraid I'm going to abandon you?"

She held her breath. Why did he have to ask so many questions?! Why couldn't he just do what she said right now because that's what she needed! She did what he wanted but now that the tables were turned, it was like she didn't even matter.

 _You don't._

"Answer me," he ordered sternly, holding her chin tightly in his grasp. "Say it. Whatever the answer is, say it."

"Yes," she stuttered.

 _That's it._ _Show him how weak and powerless you are._

"You really think that? Fuck, Harley! I...fuck!"

"Stay."

"Sleep. You need rest."

"But the voices-"

He gripped her head harshly, letting his nails dig into her scalp. "The voices aren't real! Stop listening to them! They are destroying you! They're not fucking real!"

"They feel real!" she cried.

 _We are real._ _We're the reason you survived all this time._

"They're not! You only think they're real. They're not."

"Then make 'em stop!"

J wrapped his arms around Harley and slowly rocked her like a mother would do to a scared child. After all, Harley was scared, even if she wouldn't say those exact words. After coddling her and rubbing her back, J found Harley asleep after only fifteen minutes. Slowly, he pried himself free from her grasp. Thankfully, his movements hadn't woken her up. Still, the possibility of her having a nightmare weighed heavily in J's mind. Even though Harley didn't want it, J still sedated her. Odds were that Harley wouldn't get nearly enough sleep to function off of if he didn't. He needed Harley to sleep for more than an hour at a time and sedatives were the only thing he could think of. He wasn't particularly fond of the idea of sedating his girlfriend, especially with her being pregnant, but he couldn't find any other option. Harley wasn't able to function and that was affecting him. He couldn't have that. He couldn't deal with that on top of everything else

"You'll always be Daddy's little monster and I'll find a way to get you back there," he whispered into her ear. He tucked her bat under her arm and quietly closed the door.

Harley would probably only get a couple hours of sleep, but at least it would be better than nothing.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

* * *

The smell of black coffee momentarily pulled J from his dark mood.

"That better be for me," he mumbled. With Harley barely sleeping, J was barely getting any sleep himself as he wouldn't fall asleep until she was. And then if she woke up, J was right up with her.

"After hearing Harley, I knew you'd be up for a while," Frost said, handing the black mug to the clown.

"Smart man," J muttered, taking a sip. "You and I should talk. My office."

J was ready to slam his head into the desk as he sat down. Between dealing with Harley and trying to torture Griggs for information, he was getting nowhere. Frost shut the door, not needing any of the other henchmen to hear what J had to say. He knew this conversation would be about Harley. Nobody else needed to know what was going on with her.

"How's she doing?" Frost asked.

"Rough. Really rough. I..."

J didn't want to say he didn't know what to do but that's exactly how he felt. He didn't know what to really do with Harley. Making her talk about what happened wasn't going to fix things. Killing those responsible wasn't going to either.

"You know she's pregnant, right?"

"I'm not surprised," Frost said.

J glared at his right hand man. The way he said so casually rubbed the Joker the wrong way.

"She was raped every single day, and sometimes more than once a day. That footage doesn't lie."

"Don't know what to do about the baby. Don't know what to do about her. Never thought someone would be stupid enough to put their hands on her. Have you found any of them yet?"

"I've been able to locate one. Murray Ramirez. He lives a few hours outside Gotham. Paperwork is in the top drawer of the desk. I'm still working on the other one in the video. All I have is a last name of Harrison and it's unfortunately more common than anything. No hits on the third one yet."

Frost had been taking over a lot of the work since Harley had been home, mostly because J didn't want to leave her alone. While that also meant Frost had seen a lot of the footage Griggs had on his computer, it did help alleviate some of the stress for J. But like J, Frost also didn't know how to deal with Harley and this incident. J had seen a lot of horrible things in his time for working under the Joker, but this hit close to home.

"This is taking too long," J muttered. Harley was getting worse. He took another swig of his black coffee.

"I'm working as much as I can on it, boss."

"No, not you. But there is someone here that does have names."

"Griggs? We've been trying everything to get anything out of him."

"Then we need to up the ante. He has kids, doesn't he?"

"You know how Harley feels about you hurting children. It's one of the few things she refuses to do."

"Don't you dare tell me how Harley feels about things. Just because I'm letting you help me, which believe me is hard enough for me, doesn't mean you have the right to voice your opinions. I decide what the moves are, not you."

Frost nodded his head, understanding what the Joker had laid out. This catastrophe with Harley had wrecked her and affected more things they could have ever imagined.

* * *

Griggs coughed up more blood from the punches that had been delivered on his face.

"You said you had names."

"So?"

"I want those names," the Joker ordered, his voice dark and deadly.

"Well, I want my arm back," Griggs complained. "But that's not gonna happen, is it?"

"Do you want to lose the other one?" J quipped back.

"Like Harley lost her sanity when she ran off with you? Face it man, she's not coming back! She's gone."

Was Griggs responsible for why Harley thought she was crazy? Or was it the voices and Griggs had merely just seen the aftermath?

"Hey, how are those videos doing? Are they giving you a good show?"

J growled. "Got it off the first site. Located on two others and we're working through the firewalls."

"Are they popular?" Griggs asked, earning him an ice chisel in his thigh.

"Did you really think you were going to get away with this?"

"If you're gonna kill me, just get it over with."

"That desperate to die? Maybe killing you is too easy. I wonder how your children feel about death," J taunted.

"Leave them out of this! They're innocent!"

"Harley was innocent before you hurt her!"

"Harley's never been innocent. You should know that."

J wrapped his hands around Griggs's throat. "Choose your next words very carefully. I may not have gone after your kids yet but that doesn't mean I won't. Now, give me the names that I want."

"You're bluffing."

The Joker squeezed tighter. "I took you from your home. How hard do you think it would be for go back and grab your kids. Maybe even inflict the pain you caused Harley onto your wife."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Do you have any idea what you've done to Harley? Why should I even consider leniency against your family?"

"Alright! Alright! There was...um...Murray! Murray Ramirez!"

"I already know about Murray. How about the other two?"

Griggs was hoping to keep those names to himself, to buy him more time. J noticed his reluctance and pulled the ice chisel down his thigh, making the man scream in misery.

"And Mr. Harrison!" Griggs shouted. "Stop!"

J growled. It wasn't quite the information he wanted, since he already knew it, but at least he knew that he could get Griggs to comply.

"This doesn't mean I won't go after your kids. Right now, you've just bought them some time. We'll see about their freedom," J said, flipping the light switch and leaving Griggs in the dark.

* * *

The sun had just begun to rise when the Joker sped out of Gotham City. Speed limits meant nothing to the Joker. His Lamborghini could easily hit two hundred miles per hour. Good. The sooner he got to his victim, the sooner he could start to hurt him. He wasn't sure how he wanted to hurt him yet but he had time.

Perhaps hurting Murray right off wasn't the best idea. While J was angry as ever, Murray might actually be able to give him some information. Besides, it wasn't as if Murray giving him information would spare his life. By even touching Harley, Murray had earned himself a death sentence.

When J arrived at the apartment complex, he found it mostly empty. Good. He found Murray's building and parked on the backside of it. When he broke open the door to the apartment, he heard Harley screaming. It had to be from a video. He knew Harley was safe at home but hearing her screams still did not sit well with him. He followed the noise until he stood in front of a bedroom.

"Yeah...yeah...just like that...oh man! Yes! Yes! YES!"

If Murray hadn't earned a death sentence before, he certainly had now. Masturbating to Harley's rape...unforgivable.

"Loud, are we? You didn't even hear me break the lock," J announced as he flung the door open.

"Holy shit! How did you get in here?! Who are you?!"

"You hurt Harley. I'm not happy with you."

He decked Murray in chin, knocking the young man off the bed. As Mistah J prepared to do it again, the man held his hands up in defense.

"Whoa! Whoa! Who's Harley?"

The Joker growled. He wasn't in the mood to play games. This was about revenge. Harley needed to be avenged.

"Wait...she was...the um...the crazy blonde that was locked up, right?"

Mistah J's patience was wearing thin, if it could even be classified as that. He had no patience with anyone who dare hurt his queen.

"What, you wanted a turn with her too? Man, let me tell you: she's an amazing fuck. Best present I've ever gotten."

"You really don't know who I am, do you?"

"Friend of Griggs?"

"You could say that."

"Let me tell you: he knows the best people if you need something. Can't tell you how many times he's gotten me and Master laid. That Harley chick though...best one I've ever had! Who knew the crazy ones could be the best?!"

Yes, Harley was crazy. It was one of the things that made J fall in love with her. But she was broken and damaged and J was mad about it. He was mad that he still didn't know how to deal with it. How to fix it.

Murray's cell phone going off shook J from his thoughts.

"Answer it," J instructed. "It'll be the last conversation you have with another human."

Murray looked at the caller ID before answering. "Yes, Master?"

J pulled his gun and held it to Murray's forehead, telling the man not to give anything away. If J's suspicions were right, this other person was also responsible for Harley's breakdown.

"There's uh...there's nobody here. I'm tired. Our um...our session yesterday was more painful that I thought. I won't disobey you again."

"Get rid of him," J quietly ordered.

J clicked the safety off, giving Murray his last warning. Within a second, Murray had ended the phone call.

"I'm gonna be in a shitload of trouble for what I just did. I'm not allowed to hang up on him like that."

J laughed. "You're already in a shitload of trouble. You should be more scared of me than anything."

"Who are you?"

"You really don't, do you? Wow. Who doesn't know who I am at this point?"

Murray backed up until he was in a corner. There was no way out of this room. His bedroom would be the death of him.

"Where does he live?" J questioned as he marched closer. "Your master as you called him?"

"I don't know."

"Bullshit!"

"I don't! I swear! Look, I'm really sorry about Harley. I had no idea. I was just doing what I was told!"

"Harley is my girl…and I don't share."

* * *

J spent the evening carving up Murray's body. He thought it would be cathartic, letting the blood get everywhere. But it did absolutely nothing. He was still just as angry. He was angry that he couldn't protect Harley and now she was an empty shell of who she used to be.

From what Frost had gathered on Murray, the now corpse lived alone. Not that it mattered. J could care less if someone stumbled upon the body. He didn't even bother to try and clean up the mess that now desecrated Murray's apartment. Murray deserved to found in pieces. After all, he was a piece of trash for what he did to Harley.

Half covered in blood, J crashed on the couch. He was exhausted, not just from dismembering the body, but from everything. He hadn't had a good night's sleep since Harley had been back. He made a mental note to not be so difficult on her about sleeping since he realized just how tired she had to be with to be with everything going on in her head as he drifted off to sleep.

"This better be important," J mumbled, not bothering to look at the caller ID when his cell phone woke him up. The only two people that would dare call him were Frost and Harley. He looked at the clock: he had gotten a couple of hours of sleep. It was something.

"You need to get back here," Frost stated.

J's heart started racing. Frost only called if there was an emergency and the only possible emergency that could occur involved Harley.

"Is Harley okay?" he asked.

"She's...awake. And very angry. She also broke into your office and has her gun."

J growled. He purposely left Harley's gun in her trunk, in his office, to keep it away from her. She knew better than to go in his office. He didn't even tell her where the trunk was.

"Try to talk her down and get the gun away from her. I'll be back in a few hours."

If Harley had her bat, he wouldn't have cared. But he didn't trust her with a gun right now. He knew the voices were rattling in her head and he didn't them to give her any ideas. What bothered him most at the moment was how the hell had Harley slipped into his office?

He pushed the thought aside. He'd figure it out later. Right now, he needed to get back to Harley.

When he arrived back to his penthouse in Gotham, he immediately took notice of the lack of cars. He scoffed. Were all his henchman afraid of Harley? Maybe he had his monster back by giving her some space. Still, Harley was unpredictable and J wanted her protected until he could assess her to see if she could really take care of herself. Right now, that answer was no. So the fact that Harley was no where in sight when he entered did not sit well with the clown.

"Where is she?!" he hissed.

"She's on the roof," Frost said, knowing well that no matter what the response was, the Joker wasn't going to like it.

"Alone?!"

"Tried to go up there with her and she killed three of your guys. Been watching her on the camera all night. Mostly been walking around, staring into space. She's made it very clear that she wanted to be left alone."

The voices. What were they doing to her now that they had her alone? The Joker sighed heavily. Time to do some damage control. He made his way up to the roof, trying to prepare himself from what was to come. If there was anything he learned over the last week or so, is that anything could happen when it came to Harley.

But the last thing the Joker expected was to be shot at as he opened the door.


	12. Chapter 12

_My goodness the response last chapter! You guys had me in tears! Thank you for all the support!_

* * *

 **Chapter 12**

* * *

"About time you fucking liar! You said you were gonna stay!" Harley screamed.

J just narrowly missed getting hit by another bullet. Frost wasn't kidding when he said Harley was angry.

"This is why I didn't want to give you your gun."

"Fuck you," Harley said, shooting J again. She managed to hit him in the arm this time.

"Better?" he groaned, holding his upper arm to stop the bleeding. He'd deal with the bullet later.

"No! You fucking left me after you promised you would stay! You promised!"

Man, J was in trouble and he knew it.

"Let's talk. Can we do that?" J suggested. He never thought he would use those words but violence was definitely not the answer with Harley. While she certainly didn't look it, she was acting a lot more timid than usual, not counting the gunshots.

"Why?" she hissed. "You're still going to do whatever you want no matter what I say. There's no point in talking."

"There's no point in keeping it bottled up in yourself either."

"You do. Face it J, you wouldn't talk about what made you the psychopath you are when you were in Arkham."

"Arkham's different. I...I didn't care...I didn't have anyone to care about. Not like I do now."

"You have a funny way of showing it."

J could have continued explaining to Harley that he did care. He wouldn't have gone mad and broken her from Belle Reve if he didn't. He certainly wouldn't have cared that she was raped, let alone pregnant. Instead, he needed to figure out what was going on with Harley and why she was acting the way she was.

"What are you doing up here?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. She leaned over the balcony and sighed, still holding on to her magnum. "But this is the most normal I've felt since I left that place. I have to think it counts for something. The voices don't bother me as much up here."

"Compared to downstairs?"

"You would think after listening to them off and on for two years and then almost consistently for six weeks, I'd be used to it. I'm crazy and I know it. And yet I can't stand them."

J took a step closer to Harley. He needed to get her gun away from her, even if it didn't have any ammo.

"Don't come any closer," she warned, pulling her gun on him as she realized his plan. Too bad that didn't scare J. Besides, her magnum only held six bullets. Since each of the henchmen were lying in a completely different area, that accounted for three of them. Then there was one when he came onto the roof, another one that he dodged, and one currently lodged in his arm. Harley didn't have any more ammo and he knew it. Without hesitating, J stood next to his girlfriend.

"You're a shitty listener," she said.

"No, I heard you perfectly clear. But I don't trust you. Not completely, especially with the voices in your head."

"You don't trust me at all is what you mean. You always make sure there's someone around me. It's like you're afraid that I'm going to leave you."

He knew Harley wasn't going to leave him. He knew he was probably the only thing half holding her together right now.

"Harley, have you not noticed how terrified you are when you're alone?"

Harley didn't want to answer. She knew she was living in terror. When she was in Belle Reve, every sound would set her off; she was constantly afraid that it was Griggs or someone else coming to hurt her. It didn't make sense that she hated being alone when in reality, that was the only time she got peace.

"Even after your nightmare when you wanted me to stay away, you still stayed in our bedroom. You still wanted me nearby," J pointed out.

Harley glared at him. "Are you a psychiatrist now?"

"No. Not even close. But I do know you."

"Really? Do you know the reason I do want you around so much? You are a constant reminder that I'm not in Belle Reve. Even being in our bedroom alone sends me back to that place."

"I thought you didn't want to be alone because of the voices."

"Are you saying I can't have more than one reason to have your company? That's low, J. Even for you."

"That's not what I'm saying."

"I don't like to be alone anymore. But you're the only one I trust me around because I know you wouldn't hurt me. You would kill people if I asked you to. You already are. You remind me of where I am. I'm trying to keep Belle Reve from my head. That place scarred me, okay? It wasn't just a prison to hold dangerous people."

J knew. Frost had saved all the records Belle Reve had on her, including daily reports. While her rapes weren't in there (much to his relief), the forced feedings, electrocutions, and the multitude of fights she had been in were. The fact that Harley had even half her mind intact was a miracle.

"You need to stop sedating me. It doesn't help. It might mean you get to sleep but all it's doing to me is paralyzing me so I can't move. I've already been through that. I can still feel and hear and experience everything they did to me. God, you can barely touch me without me losing it half the time and I know you would never do what they did. Hell, you're exacting murder on my behalf."

 _Never mind the baby._

"How do you know that?" he inquired. He purposely hadn't told Harley his plans. His revenge, that was his way to try to deal with things.

"You shot a guy once because he called me a bad bitch. That was nothing compared to four guys raping me. I might be a mess but I ain't stupid."

No. Harley was brilliant.

She set the gun down and propped herself up on the ledge as she looked out at Gotham. J groaned inwardly as Harley pulled herself into her safety position. He hated seeing her so vulnerable. It may have looked like Harley was protecting herself with her knees up to her chest and arms wrapped around them, but J saw straight through it.

"Why do you want me to kill him?" she asked, finally looking at him.

"Because he wronged you and me killing him is not going to help you."

"And you think it'll help? Me killing Griggs?"

"Yes, but not until you're ready. I meant it: I don't care how long it takes. Harley, if it takes you a year to even be in the same room as him, then it takes a year. I prefer it not take that long but I think it's a vital step in your recovery."

"What do you know about recovery? You've been thrown into Arkham how many times now and how many times has that helped you recover from the life you live?"

"This is different."

"How?"

"I chose a life of crime and chaos. I knew what I was getting into. You...you did not choose to be raped. You did not choose for Griggs to broadcast it like he did."

"How many sites?"

"Three of them. We've already got it off one. We'll get it off all of them."

"I still don't understand how someone could do this to someone? Although I guess the same principle applies to the fact we murder people. Still...people aren't going to fear me like they should. I'll never be the queen that you want me to be."

"You will. I'll help you deal with it. All of it."

"You know nothing of what's going on in my head!" she cried, getting of the ledge. "I am trying to deal with it Puddin'. I really am. But...it's hard okay? Really hard. And I...I know I should understand what's going on and know how to deal with it being a former psychiatrist and all but I don't. I don't know how. It's all jumbled in my head and it hurts and I hate it. Every time I try to process it and deal with it, I shut down. And I don't know how to stop. And the voices aren't making it any easier. I'm trying not to listen to them but it's hard."

J reached out to pull her in his embrace. With Harley still being wildly unpredictable, he didn't want her out of his grasp. After all, it was a long way to the pavement.

"No! You don't get to touch me. You lost that privilege when you left me, not that you had much of it to begin with."

J was ready to punch something upon hearing the rejection. He hated that Harley would push him away. If he couldn't physically touch her, he had to find a way to get her away from the ledge. He inched closer to her until she couldn't stand the proximity. Not giving him a chance to try again, Harley retreated from the edge but still didn't leave the roof.

"How do I help you then?" he growled out.

Honestly, Harley didn't have an answer to such a simple question. She knew that everyone reacted to rape differently and the fact that her mind was a mess didn't make the situation any easier.

"I want the henchmen gone. I don't like how they look at me. I know I'm a mess. Frost can stay, as long as he stays away. I don't trust him but I know you do so I'm willing to give him a pass. For now at least. You can start there."

She pushed past J and headed downstairs, leaving her gun on the rooftop. Whether it was by accident or not, J wasn't taking the chance. He took it and made his way to his office. To his surprise, Harley had done more than just break in. Everything was a mess, even his desk. He looked in the top drawer where he kept her sedatives. They were all gone. Harley was making it quite clear that drugging her was off the table.

After he locked Harley's gun into the one safe that she didn't have the combination to, he went to work on digging the bullet out of his arm. Thankfully, Harley hadn't hit anything major. Within a few minutes, he not only had the bullet out, but had also disinfected and wrapped the wound. This wasn't his first time and probably wouldn't be his last.

He still didn't want Harley alone though. He meant when he said he didn't want her out of his sight. He was trying to give her some distance but he was worried about her. Shouldn't have been but he was. He walked down to his bedroom, ready to get some much needed sleep, only to find the door locked. On the other side, he could faintly hear his harlequin crying.

"Harley, unlock the door."

Patience. J had done a little bit of research on what Harley went through and every page he visited stressed the importance of patience. Patience was one of the few things the Joker didn't have. Of course, he wasn't supposed to feel love or have empathy for anyone, but that changed with Harley. He would do anything for that woman, even though she was the one who was supposed to be bending over backwards to please him.

When Harley finally did, J could see that she had been crying heavily. Even with the caked on makeup that had clearly been rushed on, there was no mistaking her puffy eyes.

"Harls," he tried.

"Don't. Don't you fucking dare. I don't want your pity."

 _It's not like you're going to get any better. You might want to enjoy the attention before Mistah J throws you out._

"You're not sleeping in the bed with me either. I'm still angry at you," she added.

"But you still want me around, don't you?"

Harley crossed her arms across her chest. God, she hated when he was right. J pulled one of the armchairs out of the closet and positioned it by the door. There was no way he was going to sit on the floor while he babysat her. That's what he felt like he was doing half the time: babysitting. But if it kept Harley safe and made her feel better, he supposed it was worth it. As long as it didn't go on forever. He couldn't do this forever.

"If you even think about sedating me again, I will kill you. Don't think I won't. I don't need my gun to kill you," Harley stated before curling up under the blankets and trying to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

First half of this chapter is very dark and does deal with rape. If you're uncomfortable reading that, please skip down until you see the break in the page.

* * *

 **Chapter 13**

* * *

Guards swarmed around her cell. Guns pointed at her from every angle.

"Stand! Hands up!"

Even after saving the world, the guards couldn't treat with just a little respect. What was so hard about treating a prisoner like a human anyway?

Harley crossed her arms across her chest and huffed, continuing to sit in her cell. She hadn't even be back from Task Force X a full day yet and she was already miserable. She did not want to cooperate with anyone at Belle Reve. Waller hadn't even fulfilled her promise of getting her an espresso machine.

"Now!"

Still, Harley was defiant. She flipped the guards off and stared at the ceiling. Sunlight was the only decent thing she had access to. Instead of giving her another warning, several of the guards tasered her.

"Hey! I'm cooperating, alright? This is me being cool," she groaned through the taser as she tried to hold her hands up in surrender.

Three guards entered her cell, pulling her to her feet. Before they'll removed the tasers, they handcuffed her to help keep her compliant.

"To the showers. You reek," one of them said.

Not all that surprising. She didn't get one upon arriving back at Belle Reve. She did however have one of the most invasive strip searches in all of prison history though. God, she hated being a prisoner. If she was sent to Arkham, at least she would have been treated like a patient.

Harley never got used to be manhandled.

"I can walk you know!"

"Shut up," the guard muttered under his breath.

Harley didn't come in contact with anyone else on the way to the shower block. With one guard on each side of her and another one leading her via handcuffs, Harley knew she wasn't going anywhere except where they wanted her to. When they arrived, they uncuffed her before pushing her into the back corner cubicle.

"Strip."

"Seriously, after saving the world I can't just have a tiny bit of privacy?"

The guard, Niko, laughed as he shoved her against the wall.

"You're lucky you get shower privileges. I would have thrown you in a sewer where the sun never shines and let you rot. Be glad it's Griggs who's in charge and not me. Strip."

Harley spit in his face. She hated being told what to do and when. The only thing she could do without their permission was breathe.

"Or we can forcibly remove your clothing."

Harley growled as she began to unbutton her jumpsuit when Niko let go of her. As if the strip search yesterday wasn't enough of a show for the perverts.

"Hand it to me," Niko ordered.

Harley groaned as she bent down and retrieved the garish garment and threw it in the guard's face. The two other guards handcuffed her right arm and and leg to the restraints on the wall as soon as she stood up.

"Really?!"

Niko had had enough of Harley's attitude. He took a step closer to the blonde, practically daring her to keep pushing his buttons.

"Save it for Griggs, man. He said he wanted to go first," another guard said.

"What do you mean first?" Harley inquired. "What are you talking about?"

Niko stepped back, throwing a nasty look in Harley's direction as he and the guards began walking out.

"Hey! Hey, I'm talking to you!"

As soon as Harley was alone in the shower block, the water blasted on. It was frigidly cold, taking Harley's breath away when it rushed on. Seriously, she was in Louisiana. Couldn't the water be lukewarm, at the worst? It did warm up after a few minutes but Harley knew showers didn't last long in Belle Reve.

Harley looked for her towel when the water shut off suddenly, only to find it was missing. No, it wasn't missing; Griggs was holding it. God how long had he been standing there?

"You're so screwed," Griggs said, almost as if he was in his own little world. "Remember saying that to me?"

"What do you want?"

Harley usually liked playing games but she wasn't in the mood. Her body was desperate for caffeine and vowed to be a miserable mood until she got her machine.

"You said you sleep where you want, when you want, and with who you want. Remember that?"

"Your point?"

"You want your precious little Joker, don't you?" he asked. "Hate to break it sweet cheeks but he's gone. Dead. Burned to ash. He can't protect you anymore. Couldn't even protect you before but now that he's gone..."

"He's not," Harley argued.

 _Yes he is. No way he could have survived that crash._

"No," she whispered, although Griggs wasn't sure to who. Didn't matter. He already knew she was crazy. It was time to truly capitalize on that. Nobody would believe any wild accusation she would make anyway.

"Let's you and I have some playtime."

He slammed her against the wall, hitting her head so hard, she felt dizzy. As she reached with her free left hand, Griggs grabbed and handcuffed it to her right, leaving only her left foot free from any kind of restraint.

"I gotta let the others know what they'll be paying for."

Harley had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. Then she realized exactly what he was talking about. He was going to hurt her. He was going to take advantage of her in the worst possible way. Her fears were only further confirmed when Griggs separated her legs and stepped on her left foot, immobilizing it. There was no way to defend herself as Griggs unbuckled his belt and lowered his pants.

That didn't stop her from trying though. She tried to push him off her, using her body weight as leverage. Even being a skilled gymnast proved to be useless. Nothing she did helped defend her. She needed a weapon of some kind to get Griggs off her. But Griggs was smart. He left his utility belt at the edge of the cubicle, completely out of the way. There was no way for Harley to get to it.

Harley screamed as Griggs forced his way inside, unable to contain herself. She wasn't used to sex being so painful like this. It was never painful like this with the Joker. Of course, she was madly in love with the Joker. Nothing he could do to her sexually would hurt her the way Griggs was hurting her now.

"You're going to make me a lot of money," he whispered, kissing her roughly.

Harley realized this wouldn't be the only time he would do this. She was determined not to cry, not to give Griggs any satisfaction in the fact he hurt her. He hurt her in a way she never thought was possible.

"Step in," he instructed, pulling a fresh, clean jumpsuit from another cubicle when he finished. "Try something stupid and I'll let you die in here. Got it?"

Harley didn't acknowledge his comment but stepped into the jumpsuit, letting Griggs unchain her other foot and shimmy it up her. She was humiliated, ashamed that she couldn't even dress herself. The fact that it was only a jumpsuit made it worse. Griggs wouldn't even give her undergarments. Once she was dressed, he recuffed her and led her from the shower block to the guards waiting outside.

"Take her back to her cage. I believe she has a gift waiting for her," Griggs announced. "I've got some arrangements to make."

* * *

She didn't scream when she woke up, much to her surprise, but she could feel herself shaking. She held her hand out and could visibly see it moving.

She threw her head back on the pillow, letting a few loose tears spill from her eyes. Why couldn't these nightmares just leave her alone?! Why did they have to be vivid and remind her of everything?

J wasn't sitting in the armchair by the closet. Harley's heart started racing. Why didn't he stay? But then she heard the shower running. She forced herself to calm down. J technically hadn't left her; he was just taking a shower, a fact that was further confirmed for her when she made her way into the bathroom. Her presence was quickly noticed.

"You alright? Harley?" J asked, peeking his head from the shower.

Harley didn't say anything. J stepped out of the shower, leaving it running. The fact that Harley wasn't talking told him either the voices were getting out of control or she had another nightmare. Both options sucked.

"Tell Daddy what happened."

"I just want to be near you," she whispered, sitting down on the tiled bathroom floor. "Go back to taking your shower. You don't need to worry about me."

If only it were that simple. J was always going to worry about his Harley, even if he didn't say it.

"You can join me if you'd like."

Not knowing if it was a suggestion or a nicely disguised order, Harley slowly inched her way into the shower with her clothes on. She had already pushed her luck tonight with the Joker. Who knew what would happen if she tried to defy him now.

"I hope you weren't planning on sleeping in those," he said as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest. Harley returned the favor. She liked his embrace. It was more than just comfort; it was protection. She craved that feeling.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier," she whispered.

"Don't worry about it. We fight. It's normal for us."

"We usually end up having hate sex afterwards," she muttered, fear shaking in her voice. It did not go unnoticed.

"If the circumstances were different, we probably would have too. Did you have another nightmare? Is that why you're in here?"

"Don't be mad."

"I can't be mad for what you can't control," he said after a moment. He was slowly trying to figure out what battles to tackle with Harley. Nagging her on something that was clearly torturing her wasn't going to help. He had to find a different way.

He turned off the shower and wrapped Harley in the towel he was going to use. He would grab another one.

"Go change into something dry and climb into bed. I'll be there a minute," he told her, kissing her softly on the top of her head. He was desperate to show her that she was loved and cared for. He knew Belle Reve tore her apart. It was becoming more evident to him every day.

He had Harley go into the bedroom first, to give her some privacy. It wasn't that he didn't want to be near her. He wasn't ashamed of Harley, not in the least. But he had figured out that Harley wasn't comfortable with her body, not with all the marks and bruises. He already had a plan in his head on how to address it but since she had a nightmare, J didn't want to push it. He needed to give her a few more hours to calm down. The last thing he needed was to trigger another breakdown.

When he entered the bedroom, Harley was wearing another one of his shirts and a pair of sleep pants. Her hair was pulled into a tight bun. J noticed had she didn't put much into her appearance. Hell, it was rare for her to go anywhere beside the bathroom or bedroom. He sat down on the bed after putting on a pair of boxers. He unwrapped her arms and wrist, wanting to see how her injuries were healing. He'd leave the gash on her side alone tonight.

"I feel like I'm way too dependent on you," Harley said as J inspected her arm. Her wrists were finally starting to look better but they were going to scar. Her arms were another story. Still red and puffy but they were starting to scab over. J wasn't sure if they were going to leave scars yet or not.

"It's alright."

"No it's not. People will think we're both weak because you're doting on me."

"Harley, with everything you've been through over the last six weeks, I could give a fuck less what people think."

"And I keep pushing you away. It's not fair to you. I'm supposed to trust you. You're the only person I could possibly trust. I mean, I wasn't supposed to trust Griggs and I didn't but he was a guard. He's supposed to protect and guard us. He...he wasn't supposed to rape me. He wasn't supposed to whore me out! I'm not a whore! Right, Puddin'? I'm not a slut, am I?"

Her mind really was a mess. The fact that she could even consider herself a slut rubbed J the wrong way. She wasn't a slut. She was so much more than that. He needed to distract her with something. Telling her she wasn't a slut wasn't going to fix this. It was just going to lead to an argument.

"No," J quickly told her. Harley could be a tease sometimes but now was not the time to bring that up. He reached for more bandages. Harley grabbed his arm. She liked having his contact. It was comforting for her. She didn't exactly understand why. J was an unpredictable psychopath but he had been going out of his way to try to take care of her. She shook her hand at the bandages; her wounds could do with some air. Besides, as long as it didn't bleed, she'd be fine.

"Harley, you and I need to have a very serious conversation about your rape and about Belle Reve. You do realize that, don't you?"

Harley nodded her head. She knew the topic was going to come up. J wasn't going to let her stay like this forever.

"After you get a bit more sleep," he added.

"Try to at least. Will you...can you lay with me? Please?"

J really needed to talk to Frost but Harley was starting to open up a little. She was starting to trust him again. He couldn't jeopardize that.

"I want you to stay with me. I'm...I can tell you anything, right?"

J nodded his head. He already knew he wasn't going to like whatever was about to come out of Harley's mouth.

"I'm not as scared when you're around."

"Why would you be scared? Harley, no one is ever going to touch you again. Not like that. I will kill anyone who even thinks about it."

"I know. But you can't take back what's happened. I have to live with that knowledge that someone...that someone took advantage of me. I'm trying to come to terms with it but I don't know if it's even possible...to get over something like this."

"You will, you Looney Tune," he said, pulling her up to his chest so she could fall asleep to his heart beating. It had worked before so why not do it again. As she snuggled into him, J laid one hand over her back and another on her thigh. He quickly removed the one he placed on her thigh, realizing it might trigger her.

"Leave it," she ordered softly, guiding it back down to drape over her. "Your touches don't bother me."

This was the first time she actually wanted the physical contact while lying in bed; she had only let J touch her before because she was afraid of defying him and angering him. Harley didn't feel like she was getting anywhere, even by having J touch her. She just wanted to make sure he wouldn't leave her.

J saw it differently. J saw it as a sign of trust, a sign that her rapes hadn't completely destroyed her. His Harley was in there; there was no doubt about that.

Now he just had to work on getting her out.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

* * *

One thing J never got tired of was watching his Harley sleep. She was beautiful, even more beautiful when she had her arms wrapped around him. Why couldn't she see that? J sighed; he had a lot of work ahead of him. He managed to get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, as did Harley. She was actually surprised that he was still there when she woke up.

"You stayed," she whispered. "You really stayed."

"And you got some sleep. A whole four and a half hours. I think that's a record for you since coming home."

"I feel better...I think. Not enough to take over the world like you do but...better than I have been."

"Don't think sweet talking me will get you out of our talk. I told you we were going to talk about your rape. We need to deal with it."

Harley bit her lip. "I know," she admitted. "I don't think it'll change anything though. It still happened. We both know that."

"But we can get you back to where you were before."

Harley shook her head. "I'll never be the same. I don't understand why you're keeping me around. I'm second rate."

"No, you're not. Far from it. Look, I'm trying," he drawled out slowly, holding her face in his hands to hopefully drive the point home. "I need my Harley back. My beautiful, homicidal, bat-wielding, bubble gum popping monster back. Let me show you something. Take off your clothes."

Harley hesitated. Every time she took off her clothes, something bad happened. Rape. Torture. Right now, she couldn't even be sure of J was respect those boundaries. She wasn't ready to have sex. She wanted the Joker but whenever she thought of sex, Griggs or one of his assailants would always came up.

"I'm not going to force you into sex. As...as much as I want it, I know you can't handle it right now."

J wasn't sure if he would ever get sex again to be honest. Maybe he would never get Harley back to where she truly should be. But he had to try. If there was even a remote chance of getting Harley back, he had to take it.

"Okay," she whispered. She got out of bed and mentally braced herself to once again remove her clothing. It shouldn't have bothered her but she wasn't comfortable with her body. How could she be when it betrayed her day after day? She shook her head; delaying this was only making it worse. In less than a minute, Harley had removed her clothes but she still tried to cover herself with her hands. It was almost instinct to her now. J led her to the bathroom and had her stand in front of the mirror.

"I don't wanna see what I look like," Harley softly admitted, looking down with closed eyes. She didn't even want to take the chance of seeing herself.

"Open your eyes."

Again, Harley was hesitant. She felt J entwine his fingers with hers and squeeze them. Not roughly, but enough to let her know he was there and it was okay. She squeezed back before opening her eyes.

"You know who that is right?" J asked.

"It's me."

"It's my monster. My beautiful little monster. Harley, that's never going to change. It won't change how much I love you or care about you."

"You still love me?"

"Let me finish. You infuriate me sometimes but I need you in my life. You have no idea how mad I went when you were gone.

"This," he gestured to her body, "will heal. We can fix all this."

Harley nodded her head in agreement. Some of her bruises were already starting to heal. There were going to be some scars; it was just inevitable. But J was right. They could be fixed. There was makeup and cocoa butter and a bunch of things they could do to minimize and hide the scars.

"But this," he continued, pointing to her head, "this is what isn't so easy to work with. This is taking over your life right now. We can't have that."

"I don't know how to fix it." Belle Reve destroyed her from the inside out. The voices wouldn't let her forget that.

The truth was: J didn't know either. But Harley already felt weak and hopeless and he didn't want her like that. It was bringing her down and that last thing he needed. She deserved so much better than that.

"I've gotta talk about it, huh?" Harley asked. "What if it gets to be too much? What if I can't handle it? I've been trying to and I can't!"

"Then we stop for a little while. We pull you back together. But you need to talk...about everything. No holding anything back. You need to tell me exactly what happened in Belle Reve. What happened with Griggs and everybody. I can't get through all the footage."

"You don't have the time? Because you're taking care of me the entire time?"

"No. I can't stand to watch them hurt you. That's why I'm asking you to tell me."

Could she? Could she really tell the Joker all the horrible atrocities that had been thrust upon her? Would he still look at her the same? Would he still love her?

"You gotta promise you won't hate or care me about less. I didn't want to do it, Puddin'. I wanted to fight back but I couldn't-"

"I know."

"You gotta promise."

"Harley-"

"Promise!" she screamed, tears running down her face as she hit him in the chest.

J quickly wrapped his arms around Harley in an effort to calm her down. She was still unpredictable when she was hysterical. After the gun incident the other night, he wasn't taking any chances with her.

"I would not be putting either of us through this if it wasn't necessary. Now, I want to pull yourself together, get dressed, and meet me in my office in five minutes. Understand?"

Harley nodded her head as J wiped away the tears that had stained her face.

"Five minutes," he reminded her. "I will come looking for you if you're late."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

When Harley entered J's office, she didn't expect to see a table with two foldout chairs taking center stage. It was almost as if he was trying to recreate the space where they originally connected: Arkham Asylum. Only this time, the tables would be turned. He would be the one analyzing her.

"Have a seat," he told her.

She sat down, clearly uneasy by the idea of having therapy. J wasn't the least bit qualified to be giving therapy, let alone for the situation they were in.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. "About having to talk about it?"

"Don't go playing psychiatrist with me."

"Harley, at this point, I'm desperate to try anything to get you back."

"This is crazy. You realize that, right?"

"You would know. It's one of the ways you treated me."

"And that went over well. What's next? ECT?"

"If it'll get you back to yourself, then yes, I'll add it to the list."

"Because that went over so well with you! You know what? This is stupid!"

She shoved her chair back and proceeded to the door. She was not going to let J treat her like a patient.

"SIT BACK DOWN!" he shouted.

"Why?!"

"BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO!"

"You're a fucking asshole!"

J stood up and flipped his chair over, livid. He marched over to where Harley was standing in front of the door, each step louder than the last. He placed a hand on each side of her on the door and leaned in, ready to make his point loud and clear.

"Fully aware of it! Look! I don't want this to be difficult for either of us. Don't make it. You're already not functioning and I'm barely holding myself together with all this shit going on. I know you don't like what happened and I don't like it but we're fucking talking about it! Now, go sit DOWN!"

It took everything J had to not put his hands literally on Harley and knock some common sense into her. He pointed the chair.

"NOW, Harley. I got everyone but Frost out of this penthouse for you. Go sit your ass down!"

Harley sulked back to the chair. J was ready to punch something. If Harley hadn't tested him before, she sure was now.

"I will put you in a straitjacket if you don't start cooperating," he warned her when she sat back down. "This isn't optional for you."

"This is a joke."

"I'm trying to take this seriously!"

"You're the Joker. You don't take anything seriously."

"I take you seriously. I take what happened to you very seriously and I'm still pissed as fuck about it!"

"Join the club," she mumbled, crossing her arms across her chest.

J groaned. He needed Harley to realize how serious this was to him.

"Harley, who's Niko?"

Harley's eyes went wide. Talking about it was going to be bad enough so why did J have to bring up one of the worst parts of it? "How do you know about Niko?"

"You get mumbling his name in your sleep," he said. He didn't tell her she was also whimpering and crying when she did.

"It's nothing."

"Bullshit. He hurt you, don't he?"

 _Tell him. Tell him how Niko was even more sadistic than Griggs._

"Don't listen to them, Harley. I know they're in your head but don't listen to them. You listen to me."

 _Tell him how Niko cut into your flesh, made you his little bitch. How there's no place on your body that he hasn't touched, hasn't hurt, hasn't been inside of._

"Is Niko the third person that I need to look for?"

 _You know that if Niko ever gets his hands on you again, he'll do more than just rape you. He'll destroy. He's already started to anyway._

"Hey, talk to me Harls," J said softly. He took her hands in his, trying to bring her back to reality.

 _Why? Face it: he'll never truly understand what happened. He acts like he cares about you but in reality, he's only feeding off your misery._

"Shut up!" Harley screamed, yanking her hands away and holding them up to her ears in an attempt to drown out the voices. "Just shut up!"

J could only look on helplessly as a war progressed in Harley's head. He couldn't stop the voices. He couldn't even tell what they were saying although from past experiences, he knew it couldn't be good.

 _He's never going to be able to fix you. You're better off dead and you both know it._

"That's not true!" Harley shouted. She turned to J. "You can fix me, right? Make the voices go away? Right? Right?!"

"They're not real. Whatever they're saying, it's not true. It's not real."

Suddenly, the voices went quiet. Harley didn't understand but she certainly wasn't going to question it. It was the first time in a long time where there wasn't something rattling in her head.

"Harley? Harley, what happened?" J asked, noticing how quiet she was. It wasn't like her at all.

"They stopped," she whispered, almost as if she was afraid to talk louder, that it would bring the voices back. "It's quiet. I don't think it's forever but it's quiet. I can't hear them."

"That's good. Really good, Harls," he said softly, matching her tone. It certainly wasn't what he expected to happen but he could tell it made Harley feel better. He hated that he had to push her to the edge of distress but it helped her, if only for a little while. "What else can I do to make this process easier for you? Name it."

"Anything?" she asked.

"Anything. If you want to get out of Gotham or you want me to paint the town red, consider it done."

Harley stared at him for a good minute, trying to figure out if he was actually being sincere with his request. Maybe he did want to help.

"I want a hyena," she finally said.

J half expected her to tell him to kill Griggs. A hyena? Even in his wildest imagination, he couldn't fathom Harley coming up with a hyena.

"Where am I supposed to get a hyena?"

"You're the Joker. Figure it out. Just...just help me, okay?"

* * *

By the end of the night, Harley had delivered J with a list of requests.

Some were reasonable: pillows and blankets, for instance. J could deal with that. Even after today, he could tell this was going to wear Harley out. He might as well make her comfortable. The more comfortable she was, the more relaxed she would be. The more relaxed she was, the easier it would be to coax information out of her.

She had also made it clear that having a table in his office with the two chairs like he had done today was completely out of the question. She felt like she was being interrogated and she didn't like it. She needed to feel like she was safe and being treated like a crazy patient was not going to do that.

J looked down at the last one. "Batman's head on a pike?"

"I just put it there to make you laugh. I noticed you haven't been smiling a lot since you found out about me."

"I'm very angry about it. Not at you," he reiterated. "It."

"I know but I miss your maniacal laughter...and your smile...and your macabre sense of humor. You haven't really been yourself since I came home," she admitted. "I miss it. It's comforting to me."

"Make you a deal: you work on getting better with me and I'll work on finding the humor in things again. Deal?"

Harley nodded her head, curled up closer to the Joker, and laid her head on his chest. J rested his head on top of hers and rubbed her arm with his knuckle until she fell asleep. Her recovery was going to be rough on both of them; there was no doubt about that.

Frost entered J's office an hour later. He was the only henchman allowed to enter J's office without knocking. He looked over to see Harley wrapped tightly against her boyfriend. "Doesn't want to leave your side?"

Joker shook his head as he pushed some of her hair from her eyes, only to see tear tracks. He hadn't realized she had been crying. He probably shouldn't have been such a jerk today but he needed to get his point across.

"You know you can't leave her anymore. Not right now at least."

"Don't you dare tell me how to deal with Harley and what happened to her. It's my decision on how I handle it," J seethed.

"Boss, with all due respect, you need to take care of Miss Quinn first. You might be able to see the footage, but only she can really tell you what happened. She lived through it. I get that you want revenge but you do realize how fragile of a state she's in, don't you? I mean, the videos-"

"I've seen bits of it," J admitted softly, looking down at Harley. She had her nails digging into his flesh but since it kept her calm, J let her. She was clearly exhausted. This therapy idea J had come up with was either going to help immensely or make things a hell of a lot worse than they already were. "I can't bring myself to watch it all."

"I'm still working through some of it myself. What they did to her...it's inexcusable. I'm actually surprised she's held up as much as she has. You taught her well."

Had he? He had never taken the time to teach Harley survival techniques, mainly because she was rarely ever apart from him. Maybe she picked them up over time. Harley was stronger than she seemed and it was high time she learned that. J just needed to figure out how to make that happen.

"Let me know if you need something," Frost said as J scooped Harley up to put her to bed. Now would be a good time for him to get some sleep while he had the chance. All bets were off if Harley was awake.

"Any idea on where to get a hyena?" he asked. "Harley asked for one."

At this point, J was willing to do anything to get Harley back. Whatever Harley needed that might help in her recovery, J would do it...even if it meant Batman's head on a pike.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

* * *

The Joker wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of getting a pet for Harley, especially since they weren't always around. But the look in Harley's eyes when she said she wanted a hyena...how was J supposed to deny that? He didn't know what else to do and if Harley had a suggestion that would aid in her recovery, J was open to it. He had to be.

After putting Harley to bed and staying until she was asleep, J went back to his office. He had to rearrange his office to not only prepare for their new pet, but to also make Harley feel more comfortable. He removed the makeshift therapy table and chairs he put in there earlier. He pulled the couch further from the desk and set up a makeshift pen for the hyena that was coming. After Frost told J he had a friend in the exotic animal world, that pretty much sealed the deal.

He stacked a pile of blankets and pillows next to the couch before he realized he was missing one thing: an armchair. Sure, there was an armchair downstairs but J wasn't ready to carry that all the way up, especially since his arm hurting from where Harley shot him. But there was one in their bedroom. That one would work and it would also allow him to check on Harley.

When he opened the door, Harley was not in bed. Something was wrong. Harley didn't like to leave the bedroom and even if she had, J would have heard it. As he stepped further into the room, he found Harley curled up by the side of the bed, desperately trying to wipe away the tears on her face. He sat down next to her and pulled her into his lap.

"I'm fine," she tried to laugh off by J saw right through it. If Harley was fine, she wouldn't be crying.

"Why didn't you just come get me?" he asked, holding her against his chest.

"Because I'm not supposed to be weak. You trained me to be strong. Resilient. Not a mess."

J sighed. The voices were back in Harley's head again. That was the only time she had severe self doubt.

"I need you to listen to me because I'm only gonna say this once," J began.

Harley nodded her head.

"I don't care what I'm doing. If I'm in the middle of a business meeting or I'm torturing somebody...I don't care. If you need me, whatever the reason, you come get me. Understand?"

Again, Harley nodded her head.

"You have a voice. I expect you to use it."

"Yes sir," she answered, a small giggle escaping.

"There's my Harley. Come on. Let's get you back in bed."

J could always tell when Harley had a bad nightmare because her body tended to become dead weight when he picked her up.

"You don't have to stay," she said softly as he placed her in bed. "I know you have stuff you need to take care of."

J wasn't sure how he felt about Harley dismissing him like she did. It wasn't like her. But pushing her right now wasn't the right approach. He'd have plenty of time to do that later.

"Alright," he conceded. "But I'm serious. If you need me, you come get me."

"I will."

* * *

The Joker spent the next few hours doing more research on Harley's condition. Every article he read made him angrier that someone who hurt Harley the way they did. When he read that sometimes recovery took years, he nearly lost it. He couldn't imagine Harley being that miserable for that long. He couldn't stand her being miserable now.

Frost returned shortly after sunrise. J only noticed his presence because of all the noise he was producing. He left his office, only to see Frost pushing a large animal kennel covered with a blanket up the stairs. Not wanting Harley to wake up from the noise, he met Frost halfway down the stairs and picked up half the cage.

"How much does this damn hyena weigh?" J grunted. "Did you get an adult hyena or something?"

Frost didn't bother replying. J would see exactly why the cage was heavy soon enough.

"Alright," J huffed, clearly out of breath once they were in his office. Who knew a hyena could be so heavy? "Let's see what you got."

Frost knelt down and unlocked the latch to the cage. J was interested to see exactly what he had been lugging up the stairs. Within just a few seconds, three baby hyenas came rushing out, tumbling over each other. J turned to his most trusted employee, a scowl written all over his face. This was not what he was expecting when he agreed to get Harley a pet.

"I told you to get one hyena. ONE!" he shouted.

"I'm aware of that."

"Then why are there THREE in my office right now?!"

J leaned against the desk. Dealing with Harley was hard enough. Now he had to add three baby hyenas to the mix?! He was barely prepared to take care of one hyena!

"Have you ever tried to separate hyenas before? They killed three people and these are less than a month old. Think of them as guard dogs. Vicious, psychotic guard dogs that have a taste for human flesh. That should please both you and Harley," Frost tried to justify. He only meant to bring one home. He really did but the two boys did not want to leave what appeared to be their sister. They nearly bit him in the process.

J growled. "You better fucking hope Harley likes these."

The smallest hyena, the female, rubbed against J's leg. Her brothers watched attentively, ready to attack if J did anything they didn't agree with.

"I guess you are kind of cute. You better get me my Harley back."

* * *

Harley desperately wished she could go back to her childhood and learn to swim. If she had learned to swim, she wouldn't have gotten herself into this huge mess. She never would been caught by the Bat or sent to Belle Reve. She wouldn't have ever met Griggs. And she sure as well wouldn't be so miserable right now.

These thoughts had been consuming her since she woke up an hour ago. She thought briefly about taking a shower but didn't want to alert J that she was awake. She felt like she was a burden and J didn't need that in his life.

At seven, Harley decided she couldn't stand lying in bed anymore. She threw on another one of J's shirts and a pair of his pajama pants. They were a small reminder that she was safe and she clung to that feeling. She knew J wouldn't let anything happen to her but having that assurance wasn't enough. She pulled her hair into her signature pigtails, knowing it would make J happy to see like somewhat like her old self. If he was willing to do things for her, the least she could do was try to do a few things for him.

As she pulled her hair taut, she heard a soft yip coming from J's office. It certainly hadn't come from the clown prince himself and she highly doubted a human would make such a noise. But then, what was it? She grabbed her bat and proceeded down the hall toward the office.

"What is all this?" she asked when she entered. J had moved half the furniture in his office and there was a makeshift pen in the corner. Was J really taking this seriously? Harley dropped the bat when she realized there wasn't any danger at all.

"I'll leave you two alone," Frost said, excusing himself from the office. He was well aware that Harley wasn't comfortable with him around and didn't want to aggravate that.

"Are those hyenas?!" she shrieked.

"You, uh...you said you wanted a hyena. Found a hyena. More than one hyena, actually."

Harley knelt down and stuck her fingers in the pen, letting her new pets get accustomed to her scent. She laughed as one of the brothers started to lick them.

"You really are serious about helping me, aren't you?" she asked.

"I can't stand to see you...unhappy. I get that you're angry and you're hurt and I don't blame you. Remember when I said I needed my monster back? I meant it."

"You're not alone in that," Harley whispered, sniffling. She would love to be his monster again. "But look at you two! You're so adorable! Do they have names yet?"

"Hold on. There's one...two...where's the girl?"

J started to search his office for the third cub. Clearly, this was the troublemaker. He found her under his desk, smiling maniacally.

"Come meet your mommy," he said, reaching for the cub. "I actually just wanted one but Frost brought three home. So...you have three."

"Really? They're all mine? Or are you just screwing with me?"

J shook his head as he handed the female cub to Harley.

"They are your responsibility," he explained. "They still have to be bottle fed and they're not sleeping on our bed. We clear?"

Harley nodded her head eagerly. She sat the cub down and grabbed J's face as she kissed him feverishly. The fact that J had done all this...for her...she couldn't believe it. He was going above and beyond for her, just to make her feel better.

"Thank you," she whispered. "I love you, ya know? I really, truly do, J. And I'm gonna try really hard to work on this. I promise!"

"I know you will," he replied softly.

"Why are you doing this? Why would you do all this? For me? You've never acted like this before."

"You deserve to be treated like the queen you are. I know what you went through wasn't easy and I sure as hell never thought I'd be dealing with it but..."

"You love me," she teased.

"Something like that," he joked.

"I suppose I should hold up my end of the deal," she muttered.

She really didn't want to. In order to talk about it, she was going to have to relive it. She didn't want to get those super vivid nightmares again.

"Take the morning and bond with...whatever you're going to name these guys."

"Well, she looks like a Tallie."

"Bond with Tallie. You and I will work after lunch, okay?"

"Stay. It's not like you have anywhere else to be," Harley pointed out. "Besides, these two boys need names and you gotta help me!"

"Do I?"

Harley nodded her head as she pulled each of them out of the pen, letting all three of her new babies roam the office. She did not want them to feel caged up like she in Belle Reve.

"Whatcha doing there, bud?" Harley asked. The hyena perked up instantly upon hearing mommy's voice. "Should we call you that? Should we call you Bud?"

He tackled his brother playfully. After watching for a moment, Tallie hopped out of her mom's lap and joined them.

"So you have Tallie and Bud. What about this third guy?" J asked. "The one that is clearly losing this game."

Harley pouted her lips as she thought of a name for her third baby. "I think you should name him."

"Lou," J said suddenly. "BLT."

Harley smacked him playfully across the chest. "Is food all you ever think about it?"

"Why did you ask for hyenas?" J asked, changing subjects. He needed inside her mind. Any little insight was helpful.

Harley sighed. "You know how normal people might ask for a guard dog after they've been hurt?"

J nodded his head as the brothers started to smell him. Great. He was going to be covered in hyena slobber by the end of the day. That was going to be so much fun.

"We're not normal. You know that."

"I'm well aware, Mistah J. And I'm okay with that. But I still wanted something around to protect me and a dog is just...it's normal. We're definitely not normal. Besides, once these babies are grown, they'll have a taste for human flesh. And if somebody was to...upset us...our babies can eat them alive."

"You're one twisted, little demon."

"You should know. You created me, remember?"

Tallie looked to Harley and then to J before standing on her hind legs and giving the green haired clown a big, slobbery kiss.

"She likes you," Harley giggled.

J smiled. He hadn't heard Harley like that in a long time. She actually sounded happy.

"You're smiling," J whispered into her ear.

"Yeah, uh...I guess I am."

For the second time since Harley had been home, she had given J a genuine smile. And he couldn't be happier about it. This was progress for Harley, whether or not she realized it.

"That's the Harley Quinn I know."

"Yeah?"

"And this is the Harley Quinn I want around. So, ready to get started?"

* * *

 _I apologize for this taking so long to get out. Staying in both Harley's and Joker's mindsets are difficult and dangerous but don't worry, I will finish this story_!


	16. Chapter 16

_I'm glad everyone liked the hyenas but I'm sure you guys have figured out that it wouldn't be happy forever._

* * *

 **Chapter 16**

* * *

"You promised we'd work after lunch. We haven't had lunch yet," Harley pointed out.

J realized what she was doing: she was trying to delay the inevitable. But he had agreed to work with her after lunch.

"Good to see your memory's still intact," he commented.

"Just because there are things I don't want to talk about doesn't mean I don't remember it all," Harley shot back. Bud and Lou were quick to notice the queen's behavior. They stood up quickly and made their way over to her, guarding her as if their lives depended on it. Tallie growled as the Joker knelt down in front of Harley.

"I have to remind you to do the simplest things. Take a shower, change clothes. Whether you believe or not, you're not all in your head. Now, why don't you come downstairs and we'll figure out what to do for lunch. I'm not even sure what we have."

Harley shook her head. She had been downstairs twice since she came home. Once, to get food with J was off locating Griggs. The second when J wanted her to confront Griggs. Somehow, she made it through that but wasn't at ready to be near him again.

"Come on. We both know you're the better cook between us," J coaxed.

"No. I can't," she answered shakily, remembering his warning about using her voice. She backed away further, almost as if she was telling the Joker there was no possible way to get her downstairs.

"Why? Why can't you go downstairs?"

"I...I can't face him," she mumbled. She turned away, feeling vulnerable. Even after all this time, Griggs still made her uneasy.

J quickly realized this was about Griggs. Griggs was "living" in their pantry, which was right beside the kitchen. He would be feet away from her. But he couldn't do anything. He was chained to the wall, half starved and dehydrated. There was no possible way for him to do anything.

"Harley," J began, inching closer to his girlfriend until he was able to put his hand on her back. To his surprise, she didn't flinch or try to move away. Good. Progress. "Look at me."

Slowly, Harley turned to face Mistah J, the hyenas watching every move. J's face fell slightly when he saw the idea of going down to the kitchen was reducing Harley to tears. That wasn't what he wanted. She grabbed his hand and squeezed tightly, reminding herself that he was here. It was okay.

"You are not in any kind of danger and if he even thought about touching you, I'd skin the bastard alive. No one is ever going to hurt you. I won't let them."

"You'll always protect me, right?"

"They'd have to kill me first. And you know that's not happening."

Harley smiled as she shook her head.

"I won't make come downstairs right now but that is something we will be working on. Understand?"

"Yes sir."

There was something about the way Harley said "yes sir" that made the Joker absolutely crazy. He wanted to take her right then and show just how loved she really was. He did love Harley; he just couldn't bring himself to say it.

J looked up at Bud and Lou, who were sitting on the couch. "You two better take care of her while I'm gone. You hear me?"

Bud sat up attentively and Lou let out a little laugh, acknowledging J. While these were Harley's pets, J could definitely get used to having them around. They already seemed to be protective of Harley. J was quite okay with extra security around his girl. He wanted her to feel safe; right now, he could tell she didn't.

Tallie also acknowledged the mission J had given Bud and Lou and curled up in the queen's lap when J left. She laid her head on Harley's stomach, almost as if she knew Harley was pregnant. When she affectionately rubbed against it, Harley knew that Tallie knew.

"It's scary," Harley quietly confessed. "But you'll help me be brave, right?"

Lou jumped off the couch and sat down next to Harley. He cocked his head to the side as he looked at her. While she had only had the hyenas for a few hours, Harley couldn't imagine herself without them. They made her feel like she was worth something again.

* * *

What to make Harley for lunch? J pursed his lips as he perused the fridge. It was mostly filled with leftover take out containers. Harley was barely eating right now and with a pregnancy, especially since Harley hadn't fully made up her mind about what to do with the baby, J needed to keep her on track. That and she had lost an unhealthy amount of weight while in Belle Reve but he wasn't going to bring that up.

He found some cheese in the fridge that wasn't covered in mold and a pack of bacon. One of Harley's favorite foods when she was sick was a grilled cheese sandwich. Having bacon inside was a bonus and whatever perks J could put on his side, he was willing to do.

This woman had him wrapped around her pinkie finger and he knew it. And he hated it sometimes. But not nearly as much as what happened to her. He would gladly take revenge against the entire world to make Harley better.

He fried up some diced bacon and layered it throughout the grilled cheese sandwiches. It wasn't the healthiest lunch in the world but it was going to be a nice change of pace from leftover Chinese food. He really should make it somewhat healthy, especially with the fate of her pregnancy unknown right now. J really wanted to get working on the emotional scarring that Harley was dealing with but the longer that pregnancy was on the table, the worse it was going to get until a decision was made. That, unfortunately, had to come first.

After slicing Harley's sandwich into miniature triangles, he tossed a couple of apples on her plate. It was something healthy until they could figure out a plan. As he made his way back to the office, he could hear Harley laughing. He smiled. He missed her laugh. It was the most beautiful sound to him and never got tired of it. It was so maniacal, so melodic, so...hypnotizing. At least he knew it wasn't gone.

"Since you insisted on having lunch," he announced, "I've brought you a treat: cheesy bacon triangles!"

Harley smiled, the biggest one yet. "I love cheesy bacon triangles! Gimme!"

As J handed Harley her lunch, he scooped up the hyenas and placed them in their pen. They were already a handful without being distracted with food. J quickly found out that they didn't like to be separated from their mom though. They each cried when he took them away, Tallie nearly biting him in the process. Well, at least Harley would always be protected.

"You need to eat those apples too. You need your strength. It's not just you I need to work with."

"What are you talking about? It's only us in here," Harley pointed out.

"You're pregnant, remember? When you took all those tests?"

Harley pushed her plate away, leaving the apples untouched. Tallie already reminded her of the imminent pregnancy; why did J have to remind her too? She pulled her knees to her chest and buried her head. Great. She was back to that blasted insecurity position. J briefly thought about going over and holding her to pull her back to reality but Harley really needed to learn to this on her own. If she wanted comfort afterwards, that was fine but J needed to see some fight in her.

"Ignoring this problem isn't going to make it go away. You know that Harley. By my calculations, you can't be more than seven weeks pregnant. I need to know what you want to do about this baby," he said.

Harley was silent for a long time. She didn't move, didn't make any kind of indication that she wanted J next to her. The hyenas were getting distressed seeing their mommy so unhappy. Bud and Lou were trying to dig their way out of the pen while Tallie sat in the corner and howled in displeasure.

"I told you I didn't want it...when I found out," she finally said, still holding the same position.

"Yes and you also wanted me to beat it out of you with a bat. You were hysterical, irrational, and emotional. Now, you've had some time to think this out and I need to know what you're thinking."

"What if..." Harley began. She turned to face J, wanting to read every possible emotion from the question she was going to ask. "What if I told you that I might actually want this baby?"

J was stoic. Honestly, he didn't think Harley would even contemplate keeping the baby. It would just a reminder of what she went through every time she looked at it. Hell, it would be a reminder for J every time he looked at it. He needed to approach this carefully. Clearly just asking the question was frightening for Harley.

"What's changed your mind?" he asked slowly. There was still a good ten feet between them.

Harley looked skeptical. "You're actually open to discussion? I honestly thought you'd tell me I'm a fucking idiot for even thinking about it."

"Well, with everything you've been through, I didn't think you wanted a baby, especially one conceived out of rape."

"But it's not the baby's fault. Why should I punish it? I mean, you know I've always wanted kids. Little Harleys and Jokers to call our own. And you know how I feel about hurting children. It may not be born yet, but it's still a child. It's...it's just not your child. It would be living in this house and...we don't even know whose it is."

"I have my suspicions," J muttered.

"I'm sure you do but I don't like to think about it. If I...if I knew who it belonged to, I'd never be able to find peace and I know you want that. You hate me like this. All miserable and emotional. Starting to wonder if I'm even a psychopath anymore."

Harley stood up and looked at her babies, reaching into the pen to scratch their backs. "I'm sure Tallie knows I'm pregnant. She had her head on my stomach the entire time while you were gone. Are we ready to be parents? I'm not the easiest person to deal with and neither are you and you still have to get through this whole mess in my head which I'm sure is going to be the death of me someday."

"Harley, it's a yes or no question. Do you want this baby?"

"Would you still love me?" she asked, fear shaking in her voice.

"Yes."

"Would...would you still want me?"

"Always."

"Because I think, in the most fucked up way, I do want this baby."

When J didn't yell at her for her decision, Harley relaxed a little. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and planted a small kiss on his lips, knowing he would like that. After all, it was the least she could do.

"I'll have Frost look for a doctor then and we'll get you on a proper diet and everything."

"Female," Harley muttered. She pulled from J, looking at him. He didn't seem happy but he also didn't appear upset at her decision. "Are you mad?"

The truth: J wasn't happy that Harley wanted to keep the baby. He was still pissed off that she was pregnant. But now he had to accept that some scumbag's kid was going to be raised in his residence. Those people who hurt Harley didn't deserve to have a half reproduction of themselves grace the earth. But if this is what Harley wanted, he was going to learn to deal with it. She'd been hurt enough.

"All that matters is you. Now, anything else before we get started?" J asked, refocusing Harley.

Harley shook her head. "I don't think so. I can always change my mind, right? Take a break if I need to?"

J nodded his head. "Whatever you need. Where would you like me?"

"Wherever."

"No, this is about making you comfortable. This is about you, not me."

Harley pulled free from the embrace, needing another moment to recompose herself. J was fine with that. He could tell she wasn't trying to get out of this. Harley let the hyenas out of the cage to roam. Soon, they were going to know every inch of this penthouse but since she was going to spend a lot of time of J's office, knowing every inch of this room would do fine for the time being.

"I guess on the couch. I...I like having you close. You make me feel safe," she finally answered. She picked up Tallie and held her close as Bud and Lou did a perimeter check. She sat down in the corner of the couch as J sat in the other, trying to give her a little space. If she did need him, he'd be only a second away.

"Where do we start?" Harley asked.

"Start at the beginning. When did everything start?"

* * *

 _I know this probably isn't easy but please trust me. I have to set something really big up and I can't tell you what. If it makes you feel any better, it has nothing to do with the baby._


	17. Chapter 17

_You know, Harley has an ace or two up her sleeve...Okay, she technically has two, but one you won't know about for quite a while._

 _Also, I'm gonna apologize for the amount of cursing in this chapter. Apparently when Joker and Harley went at it in my head, there was a lot of swearing._

* * *

 **Chapter 17**

* * *

Here it was: the moment of truth.

"The day after I finished Task Force X," she whispered, looking down at her feet. Tallie inched closer to Harley until her head was in the blonde's lap.

"Can you tell me what happened?" J prompted. He wasn't looking forward to this conversation but knew he had to deal with it. Just one of about a million things he needed to deal with right now. If he could focus on this session with Harley, he could keep his anger in check for just a little while longer. He could let all of it go when Harley went to the doctor. He already had plans on how to destroy half the penthouse running through his head. He wasn't just not happy with Harley's decision; he was fucking pissed that Harley was keeping the baby, more than he originally let on, but he didn't let it show. The only reason he hadn't let it show was that Harley was in the same room and scaring her with his outburst was going to shut her down and then she wouldn't talk.

Harley squeezed her knuckles tightly and eyes shut. Remembering wasn't the problem. Explaining was. Retelling. Reliving. It made her bruises ache; her cuts and scars burn as if they just happened.

"You've seen all the footage, haven't you?" she asked. What was the point in talking anyway?

"That's not the point," he answered shortly. "You have to tell me. I need to understand what's going on in your head."

No. That wasn't it. He didn't really know and Harley knew it. He hadn't been watching all those videos. He made Frost do it. He didn't know a damn thing except for what he had seen on her body!

"You haven't even seen it all, have you?! I know Frost is looking through it. I've heard you talking to him. Why do you need me to talk about it when you have the evidence right in front of you?"

He desperately did not want to get in a fight with her right now. He barely holding his temper back as it was. He wanted to choke the life out of Harley; that's how angry he was.

"There's a difference between watching the videos and hearing it from your point of view. Cameras only give me one angle," the Joker tried to explain.

"And that one angle just isn't enough for you, is it?" she snapped.

"Harley," he warned but he quickly realized it wouldn't be enough. This wasn't going to work. If Harley was going to get angry, J knew he would lose his temper. It also turned into a screaming match. With how angry he was, he knew there would be violence. It was just his nature. Maybe...maybe he should manipulate her. Try to make her see things from a different point of view.

He scooted closer to Harley and laid his hand on her thigh. She pulled in a tight breath before relaxing a little. J frowned. His touch was making her uneasy but that didn't make him remove his hand.

"These people...that piece of shit downstairs, hurt you," J started.

"I know that."

"They used you, Harley. They abused you. They violated your body. Your mind...it's in pieces because of what's happened. The voices came back because of what they did to you. Do you not realize that?"

It was true. The voices had gotten worse after she came back from Midway City. None of this started until after Midway. Because of Griggs, she hated her body. She hated sex. She didn't want intimacy. She couldn't really trust anyone.

"I'm broken," she whispered.

"They shattered you," he corrected. "This baby...this baby won't fix it. All this baby is going to do is remind you of every single thing Belle Reve put you through. You're going to remember every touch, every ounce of pain they inflicted on you. You might think this baby is going to give you some renewed purpose in life but it won't. The baby will hurt you in more ways than Belle Reve ever did. Is that what you really want?"

"I can't go through with an abortion."

So she still wanted the baby. That was not J's intention. He did not want this kid. He could already feel his blood boiling.

"You need more time. You're not ready to talk about this," he stated, grabbing their lunch plates to discard. It was a stupid excuse; sometimes they'd leave dishes in the same room for weeks at a time, but he didn't care. He didn't really want to be around her after saying she wanted the baby. It didn't make sense to him. He thought he could learn to deal with it but the more he thought about a baby, especially not his baby, the angrier he got. He never should have given Harley a choice. He should have just beat it out of her when she asked.

"Apparently you're aren't either," she whispered as she heard J smash the plates against the wall once he left the office.

* * *

J bolted down the stairs, skipping several steps at a time. He needed to find Frost. He needed to fix this problem Harley had. When he couldn't find his right hand man anywhere on the first floor, he grew angrier. He sat on top of the kitchen counter and began pulling the bullets in his gun, counting them, and putting them back in before firing one off. He knew he was going to have to go back to Harley and he needed to get his temper under control.

When Frost emerged from the pantry, the Joker continued his routine. He must have been giving Griggs he daily allowance of water. J didn't give him much but he did want Harley to kill him. If that meant keeping him alive for the time being, then so be it.

"Boss?"

"We still have a doctor on the payroll, right?" J asked, placing the last bullet inside. "The one that lives a few hours outside Gotham with the private practice?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Because Harley has decided to keep the damn kid. I need you to take her there. Tonight. Find a way to get rid of the baby. I don't care how much it costs; get rid of it."

"I thought you didn't want Miss Quinn out of your sight."

J clicked the hammer, holding it against Frost's forehead. "I'm a step away from killing Harley right now and you don't even have that much leniency with me. If I take her, she won't be coming home."

Frost nodded his head. He'd make all the arrangements. But why Harley opted to keep the baby, especially with the violence she endured, was beyond him. Some of those videos made him physically sick, especially if they contained the elusive man, Niko. Frost wasn't sure if it was possible, but this man may be worse than the Joker.

After taking another fifteen minutes to try to calm down and downing half of bottle of some kind of alcohol, J forced himself to go back upstairs. He needed to knock some sense into Harley about this baby. Harley wasn't rational; hadn't been since she came home. She never should have made the decision anyway.

* * *

"You are mad about it, aren't you?!" Harley shouted when J entered the room, knocking him to the floor with a swing of her bat. "Don't even deny it! I heard everything!"

J groaned in pain as he stood up and ripped the bat away from Harley, throwing it in the corner as far away from her as possible.

"Did you really fucking think I'd be okay with it?! Harley, I don't fucking want kids! And I especially don't want a kid in my house that has no fucking relation to me! So, yes! I'm fucking pissed," he screamed, tossing her to the ground. He was done trying to be nice to her.

"Then why didn't you just say so?!" she gasped, rubbing her neck.

"And let you be more damaged than you already are? You would just love that, wouldn't you?"

"You're damaged. I'm rotten. You want me to talk about what happened, well guess what? It's a two way street, you asshole!"

"You've been playing the victim card since I broke you out. You won't talk about what really happened! You barely let me touch you unless it's under your own damn terms! I have to walk on eggshells around you which is fucking bullshit! You knew what you were getting into when you..."

"When I what?

"Get out of my office," he ordered, hurling her toward the door. She landed against the frame.

"No! When what? You wanna talk? Let's fucking talk!" Harley demanded, picking herself up. If J wanted to get this aggressive, she could dish it out right back.

"And what the fuck would I talk about?! I'm not the one on trial here!"

"Neither am I! But you're treating me like I'm some fucking criminal!"

"You are a criminal! Wanted in at least twelve states! Excuse me for not checking the FBI's Most Wanted to see if we're on it! Harley, if you're serious about keeping this...thing, then you better go pack a bag and get far away from Gotham because I will kill you. I will kill you and your child."

"If it means that fucking much to you, I'll have her abort the baby. Tonight. That's what you want, isn't it?!"

"You won't survive on your own and you know it. You know this is the only option."

"What if it was yours?"

"It's not. We both know it's not."

"This wouldn't be my first abortion, you know. I know how they do it. I hate how they do it," she confessed. She still remembered it. She'd never forget that place and how exposed and vulnerable it made her feel.

"You've been pregnant before?" J roared, pinning Harley to the couch and using her wrists to keep her that way while he straddled her.

"You're hurting me," Harley cried out. He was holding her exactly where the burns were. While they had mostly healed, they were still sensitive.

"When?!"

"With the amount of times we screwed around in Arkham, it wasn't surprising when I got pregnant. But do you know how guilty I felt killing your babies? I was supposed to have twins. That's why I didn't want to through with another abortion but clearly it means something to you so you know what: you win. You fucking win. It wasn't like I was actually going to keep it. I would have only kept it if it was yours and only if you wanted me to. Now, let go!"

J relinquished his hold, running his fingers through his green hair as he sat up. Harley was pregnant before? When he was a patient in Arkham and she was his psychiatrist? Why didn't she ever say anything?

"I'll go. I think you need time to yourself," Harley stated.

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"I'm not done with you yet. You stay right there."

"I'm done having this conversation."

J shook his head as Harley attempted to leave. He pushed her against the wall and held her there firmly.

"I wasn't done with you! Now what did you mean you weren't actually going to keep it?" he snarled, his upper lip twitching.

He was fuming mad to the point where Harley could see his veins underneath his bleached skin. His teeth were clenched together and she could hear him growling from behind them. His nails dug sharply into her skin. He could honestly care less that he was hurting her right now.

"TELL ME!"

"I would have found a way to have a miscarriage. If nothing else, Frost could have dropped it off at a hospital after it was born so it didn't have to live here. Fuck, you could have killed it when it was born if you wanted! Did you really think I was going to put you through that?"

"So what was that earlier? A big joke? You don't tell the jokes around here. I'm the Joker. I'M THE JOKER!"

"I needed to know that you really cared and you weren't just playing your agenda. Now I can clearly see which one it is. You don't care what happened to me. So you know what, you can stop trying. Stop trying to fucking pretend that you give a shit about me because you don't! You've made that pretty fucking clear."

"Get out of my sight."

Harley didn't move, didn't struggle against his grip, which had loosened considerably over the last few seconds. She was frozen. J wasn't this mad when he found out about the rapes. This was worse. This was much, much worse. She had seen J at some pretty low points, but she had never seen him this angry before.

"GET OUT!" he screamed, stomping his foot down before stepping back, letting go of Harley. In his rage, he didn't notice that he stepped on Tallie's front paw, even though the cub cried out. Harley quickly beckoned for Bud and Lou to follow her lead as she went in to rescue Tallie.

J knelt down as she picked up the injured hyena and grasped Harley's chin tightly. There were going to bruises after he let go and he still didn't care. "You can sleep in the room down the hall from now on. I don't want you anywhere near me. You don't know how badly I want to kill you right now. Don't give me a reason to."

"Like you even need one," Harley muttered.

After breaking free from his hold but before Harley could make it out the door, J held a gun to the back of her head, making her stop dead in her tracks. If J was really going to kill her, he wouldn't be hesitating. He would have shot her already. Still, an enraged Joker with a gun in his hand was never a good thing.

"Believe me when I say I don't."

* * *

 _Did you guys really think I'd let her carry another man's child after everything I'm putting her through?_


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

* * *

Bud and Lou quickly followed Harley down the hall as she cradled Tallie in her arms. The cub wasn't crying out but Harley still wasn't happy that J stepped on her. He might have done it on accident, but that certainly didn't mean he wouldn't do something malicious down the road, especially if he was angry. J's temper was something not to trifle it. Harley should have realized that sooner.

"Is everybody okay?" she asked.

Tallie cowered in the corner as J threw something else against his office wall.

"Shh. He's just mad. You're a good girl, Tallie. Good girl," Harley tried to explain.

Tallie looked at Harley and then looked to her brothers. After a minute, Tallie curled up beside Bud. Lou was growling at the door, apparently not happy with the man's attitude toward mommy.

After getting the hyenas situated and reassuring them that everything was okay, even though it wasn't, Harley quietly ventured into the master bedroom to get a few things. It was apparent to her that J wasn't going to let her near him right now and she would probably be in that spare room for a few days. She might as well make herself as comfortable as she could. She grabbed a few pairs of clothes and a couple bathroom accessories she liked, including her scented soaps and lotions. Hopefully, this would all just blow over in a day or two. Surely J couldn't stay mad at her for long, right?

Once she retrieved the few personal items, Harley locked herself in the spare room. J was mad and who knew what he would do in his rage. Right now, it was best to stay out of sight.

* * *

"Miss Quinn, it's time to go," Frost ordered, knocking lightly on her door a few hours later.

Harley slipped on a light jacket and gave each hyena a small hug before she left the room. Defying anyone right now was going to have major consequences.

J was nowhere to be found. Whatever damage he had caused was being hidden behind closed doors. For now at least.

The three hour drive to the private practice was awkwardly quiet. Frost had never heard Harley be so quiet before. Harley was loud and boisterous, never shutting up.

"I need you to do some things while I'm in that office," Harley stated once Frost parked the car in the back lot.

Frost shook his head. "I'm under direct orders to not let you out of my sight. Boss said if it was absolutely necessary, you would be sedated for cooperation."

Harley cross her arms over her chest as Frost banged on the back door. Within a minute, a nurse quickly ushered them inside and into a private consult room.

 _Just like last time._

The office was brightly lit but was in a serious need a new paint job. Harley couldn't stand all the neutral colors. It immediately reminded her of the holding tank in Belle Reve. She briefly wondered if she would ever get over that place.

"So what exactly can we help you out with?" the nurse asked. She had fiery red hair that bounced every time she took a step.

Harley shook her head. She didn't want to admit why she was here. She knew there was nothing wrong with getting an abortion but the last time she did, they asked her questions about the father.

 _That's right: you don't know who the father is._

"Are you going to tell her or am I?" Frost questioned.

Harley didn't even bother to give him a verbal response, opting to give him the middle finger instead as she wrapped her arms around herself even tighter.

 _That was stupid. You know he's gonna report back to the Joker on your behavior. It'll be just the incentive he needs to kill you._

Frost sighed and ushered the nurse to the corner of the room. Harley was already upset and he did not want to sedate her unless there was no other option. He knew why Harley hated it so much; there were a few videos where Griggs had sedated her before raping her.

"Follow me. There will be a few things before Dr. Cinder proceeds with the process," the nurse said, being careful to avoid the word abortion.

Reluctantly, Harley followed the nurse to the examination room. Frost stayed behind her, ready to take action should Harley try anything J wouldn't allow.

"He'll be by in just a moment. Try to make yourselves comfortable."

"I specifically told J I wanted a female doctor," Harley snapped once the nurse closed the door.

"This is the doctor that's on the payroll," Frost stated very matter of factly.

Harley shook her head defiantly. "Take me to a female doctor. I do not want another male touching me."

Frost held his phone out. "Take it up with him. I was told to take you here."

Harley snatched the phone from Frost and quickly located the number she was after. J changed his number so often, she gave up trying to memorize it.

"What?!" he yelled upon answering. Several hours after his fight with Harley, the Joker was still in a foul mood.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" she screamed into the phone. "I have to see Dr. Cinder?"

"This is the doctor I have on call. He's not stupid enough to touch you. Frost will put a bullet in his head if he does. He is who you will be seeing. End of discussion."

"No, it's not. You know-"

"I don't care. You either let the doctor take care of what needs to be done or don't come home. I'm sure Belle Reve will be happy to welcome you back with open arms," he spat.

"Are you done being a jerk?"

Instead of answering her, J ended the phone call. He wasn't in the mood to talk to Harley anyway. He still wanted to strangle the daylights out of her.

"No, you're still a fucking asshole," she muttered.

Harley fought back tears as she sat down on the examination table, knowing this was really her only option. Even being alone with Frost set her on edge. J knew that. So why would he let a male doctor touch her in the most intimate of areas, especially after everything she had already been through? Did he really not care about her?

"You need to calm down," Frost instructed as they waited.

Harley shook her head and began pacing back and forth, trying to control her nerves. It was one thing to have J touch her; she trusted him.

 _Maybe_.

But to have this doctor touch her, probe inside her to remove the baby...the thought made her want to throw up. She knew they couldn't give her the pill. The pill didn't do the trick the first time and now that her body had had a chemical bath, she highly doubted the pill would do its intended job with her heightened immune system. She was going to need an aspiration abortion and it was going to be invasive.

"You need to take a deep breath and hold it before you exhale. I know you don't want to be sedated but the Boss did say if it was necessary, and you're starting to make it necessary. I don't want to make that call, not to you," Frost ordered her.

Harley looked up at him, her bottom lip trembling. "You know why, don't you? Why I hate the drugs?"

Frost nodded his head as the nurse came back in with Dr. Cinder. The nurse helped Harley lay down and prepared her for the ultrasound. This part wasn't so bad. While Harley didn't want anyone touching her, at least the nurse was gentle and didn't remind her of those awful times.

"If you at all get uncomfortable, let us know."

Harley thought briefly about speaking up that this whole experience was making her uneasy with each passing second, but that was only to get her shot up with a sedative. This was the lesser of two evils.

"Looks like you've hit your seventh week," the doctor stated as he proceeded with the ultrasound.

Harley let a tear slide down her cheek at the realization. It was Griggs's. He didn't let anybody touch her the first two weeks. The monster who made her life a living hell had impregnated her.

"But there's no heartbeat. I'm sorry to have to tell you that."

J killed it. Their fight this afternoon...when he threw her against the door frame.

"It doesn't matter," she muttered.

The nurse grabbed a paper gown from one of the drawers. "You'll want to change into this for the procedure. We'll be back in a few minutes once everything is prepared."

"Can you at least leave the room so I can change?" Harley requested once she was alone with Frost. Changing clothes in front of J wasn't a big deal. Changing in front of Frost...she didn't want that to be an option.

Frost shook his head. "You are not to be unaccompanied at any time."

"Then turn around," Harley growled out, knowing well a fight would get her nowhere except possibly sedated. But at least Frost had some sense of decency. He turned to face the wall while the blonde changed. She went quickly, not wanting to give Frost a chance to see her body. It was bad enough that Dr. Cinder was going to. The fewer people involved, the better.

Dr. Cinder realized Harley was slightly more comfortable with his nurse touching her than with him, so he allowed the nurse to position Harley when they re-entered the room. He wouldn't touch her until it was absolutely necessary. The nurse had Harley scoot all the way down to the edge of the table and helped get her feet into the stirrups. The procedure hadn't even technically started and Harley was already starting to lose it. She felt vulnerable. She felt exposed. Belle Reve was happening all over again.

"Calm down. They will sedate you if you don't," Frost quietly warned her.

Harley couldn't stop. Wouldn't stop. She didn't care if J wouldn't let her come home. She couldn't let another male touch her, especially not down there. Images of Griggs flashed through her head, making her even more hysterical. Maybe this was some sick dream and she was still in Belle Reve. She could hear the clink of the handcuffs, the alarm sounding to open her cage. She could feel the rough hands of Niko and Harrison.

As Dr. Cinder pulled the machine closer and pushed Harley's paper gown back enough to give him access, his hand brushed against Harley's leg, making her lose it completely. She shuffled back as far as she could to get away from Dr. Cinder. Frost was behind her in a second, trying to defuse the situation. They weren't leaving this clinic until this was done.

"Get off me!" she screamed. "GET OFF!"

 _But what would be the fun in that?_

"You need to calm down and let Dr. Cinder do what needs to be done!" Frost shouted at her.

Harley continued to thrash about as Frost tried to restrain her.

"Do it," he ordered.

Harley knew what he meant. She shook her head wildly, refusing to submit. She had submitted enough and look where it got her! She couldn't even make her own choices anymore.

"No! NO!"

After a few seconds, the nurse found a vein and quickly injected the sedative into Harley's system.

"Shh. It's going to be okay," she said as Harley started to drift into unconsciousness.

 _No it's not. It'll never be okay._

* * *

"-have everything you need, including his special request," Dr. Cinder stated. "Can we get you anything in the meantime?"

"Two bottles of water," Frost immediately answered.

Harley's eyes felt heavy and her entire body felt like dead weight but at least her hearing was intact. She wasn't sure how long she was out but at least she wouldn't have to deal with the procedure. Sounded like they got it done while she was under.

"I'll send the nurse in to check on her in a little bit."

Great! There was more still?! What else could they do to her that they hadn't done already? Harley groaned as she started to get feeling back in her body. Frost immediately noticed her rousing presence. He moved closer to the queen but still left some distance. He didn't want to scare her.

"Drink this," Frost ordered, handing her the bottle of water.

Harley waved him off. She didn't want anything from him, not after he betrayed her.

"You'll feel better if you stay hydrated," he stated, offering the bottle to her again. When she refused it, he sat it on the table next to her. He saw her shaking as she tried to curl up in a ball. He took off his suit jacket and covered her with it, hoping it would help. But all it did was provide a little warmth in the chilly room. Harley continued to shake.

"You didn't leave us much of a choice," he pointed out.

"Fuck off," she muttered. It was becoming more clear to her with each passing moment that she couldn't trust anyone. Frost knew how much she detested sedatives and he still let her be sedated. Hell, he assisted them in the process.

Fifteen minutes later, the nurse came back in with a packet of information. As Harley attempted to sit up while the nurse discussed something with Frost, she held her arm across her stomach under the jacket. She felt nauseous and dizzy. Before she could even grab the bottle of water Frost sat on the table next to her, she vomited all over his jacket.

"You deserve that," Harley explained, taking a sip of the water once she got her bearings back. For a moment, her stomach started to quell down. It wasn't twisting in knots like it had been seconds ago. It was brief though. Without any sort of warning like she had before, she threw up again.

"That'll pass," the nurse explained. "Let's get you dressed. I imagine you want out of this paper gown. They're not very comfortable."

Harley turned to Frost, knowing the task she was about to undertake would require assistance and she didn't want Frost to see any more of her body than he might have already seen. "Get out."

"You know-"

"The Joker can go fuck himself. Get out."

Knowing well that there was nowhere for Harley to run, he gave in to her request. Besides, he didn't want to listen to her complain all the way back to the penthouse. It was a long drive back to Gotham.

She took her time redressing herself with the nurse's assistance, still feeling a bit shaky from whatever sedative they forced on her. Despite not having been awake for the procedure, she still felt invaded. Not knowing exactly what happened while she was out didn't help either.

"You're going to be tired for the next few days," the nurse explained. "Dr. Cinder is giving a packet of instructions for your recovery to your companion."

"You smell like exotic flowers," Harley mused.

"I garden alot," the nurse laughed. "Do you want some help getting to the car or do you think you can walk?"

Before Harley could answer, she grasped her lower abdomen as cramps began to take over. This was normal, she reminded herself. Her uterus was shrinking back to its normal size.

 _Serves you right._

You deserve all the pain in the world and it won't even be enough to please Mistah J. He'll never be pleased with you.

"I think I can move now," Harley mumbled as she regained her balance and the cramps started to subside. "Slowly."

Using the nurse as a crutch, Harley took her time heading back to the car. Every step was painful. She knew she would be in pain for the next couple of days and she wasn't looking forward to it. But at least she would have her hyenas to keep her company. Her babies. After all, they were the closest things to kids Harley would ever get have.

* * *

 _I am so SO sorry about how long this took. I had some personal issues that forced me to shut down and they just kept happening and I felt that taking care of myself was more important than writing this._

 _Also, for any of those affected by the Manchester attacks, I am deeply sorry. These attacks are just horrible and nobody should be forced to endure them. If anyone needs an open ear, my inbox is always open._


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

The car ride back to Gotham was awkward to say the least. Harley was beyond angry. She wasn't sure if she should be more angry at Frost for having her sedated or at J for making her see Dr. Cinder. Either way, she was quickly figuring out that she had no freedom. She hadn't had any real freedom since before she was arrested and taken to Belle Reve. J was calling all the shots; he only made it appear as if she had freedom to further his own agenda.

The penthouse was in shreds when Harley and Frost returned. Either the Joker was so mad, he took all his anger out on their belongings, or an atomic bomb hit. Harley was positive it was the former. The chandelier was crashed in the middle of the coffee table, shards scattered all about. The couch was full of knife marks where the Joker had clearly gone a stabbing spree. HA was sprayed repeatedly up and down the walls along with some macabre drawings.

"Boss!" Frost called.

No answer.

Harley ran her fingers over the newly decorated walls, tracing each line of paint. This was all her fault. She caused this. She made J angry.

"It's all my fault. I..." Harley started but then stopped. Blaming herself wasn't going to get her anywhere.

She remembered J's warning about not going near him but she didn't want J to be angry with her. She didn't care that he had threatened her life. It was rare when he didn't threaten her life. Granted, it hadn't happened since she had been home, except for this afternoon, but it wasn't as if she wasn't used to it. Besides, she would rather get threats from him than Belle Reve or Griggs.

"Dr. Cinder said you would be exhausted both from the procedure and the sedative," Frost explained from the bottom step.

Harley desperately wished she had a gun, or even her bat right now. She wanted to beat Frost to a bloody pulp after he gave Dr. Cinder and the nurse the go ahead to sedate her.

"I think I know what's going on with my body a bit more than you do," Harley retorted, crossing her arms across her chest and plopping down onto the destroyed couch. "What's in the box?"

"What?"

"The box. The one Dr. Cinder gave you. You wouldn't let me touch it. What's in it?"

"You don't want to know."

Harley crossed her arms over her chest. She was tired of being left out of the loop. "I'm pretty sure if I'm asking about it, I want to know. Now, stop acting like that jerk upstairs and tell me what's in there!"

"Miss Quinn," Frost warned. He might have been overstepping his boundaries but J was already angry enough with Harley exploding. Frost did not need to add insult to injury.

"No! You don't get to treat me like he does! I'm tired of being treated like I don't have any sort of capacity to make a decision. It's bullshit! What's in the fucking box?!" Harley screamed.

"You really don't want to know," he reiterated. He knew what it was and while he knew the Joker was a sick man, the contents of the box and the plan J had for it were flat out repulsing.

"TELL ME!"

"Go tend to your new pets. We're not discussing this. It's none of your business to start with."

Harley wasn't going to take no for an answer. But before she could argue any further, J fired three warning shots downstairs, missing Harley by inches at the most. As she looked up at him, he pointed to the room down the hall, a scowl on his face the entire time. Harley's head fell; she didn't want to go to that room. She wanted to be with J. She wanted to talk to him. No, needed to talk to him.

She needed a plan. Walking in to their bedroom was already risky. If she had a purpose, maybe J would let her off. Maybe he would actually say two words to her.

"That's for him, isn't it? Whatever's in the box."

Frost nodded his head.

"Let me take it up to him. I...I won't look in it."

Frost relented at first. Besides, he didn't want to get into another fight with Harley. While he knew the Joker intentionally missed when he shot at them, he wasn't so sure he would be so gracious the second time.

"You have a death wish," he stated as he handed her the box. Harley could hear some liquid sloshing around but kept true to her word and didn't look inside.

She took her time heading upstairs, trying to gauge where J's anger was. There was no doubt he was angry, that much was obvious. The closer she got to the second floor, the more macabre art she noticed. It was more than just HAs and jokes. There were depictions of people's heads on pikes, disturbing smiley faces, and even the Joker's infamous grin with blood seeping from it. She wasn't sure if it was real blood or not on the smile, but knowing the Joker, it wouldn't surprise her.

The door to the master bedroom was cracked open and Harley peeked inside. The Joker was lying on his bed, staring into space. He didn't even acknowledge Harley when she walked in but he was furious that she was in here. He thought he had made it pretty damn clear that she wasn't welcome in their room right now. But instead of leaving, Harley sat the box down on the dresser and proceeded to sit down on the edge of the bed, waiting for him to say something. She wanted to hear his voice.

"J?"

He didn't respond. He didn't want to give Harley anything, except maybe a slap to the face for her little facade earlier. To start with, at least...

"Can we talk?"

J didn't say yes but he didn't say no either. Harley took that as 'I'll listen but I don't care what you have to say.' Still, it was something. Harley was going to take whatever she could get right now.

"I really wasn't going to have the baby. I needed to know. That's all," she tried to explain. "There wasn't even a heartbeat so you didn't have anything to worry about. I would have miscarried naturally. Honestly, I think you killed it with our fight earlier but I'm okay with that. Griggs doesn't deserve to have a child. I didn't wanna carry his crappy spawn anyway."

The Joker refused to acknowledge her as she gave her little speech. Instead, he looked straight ahead, sort of like he was staring into space.

"Daddy?"

Still nothing.

"Puddin?"

The silence was cold and deafening. This was worse than Belle Reve and Harley didn't think that was possible. It shouldn't have been possible. Belle Reve was a place of punishment. This was her home. Gotham was her playground. But with Joker giving her the cold shoulder, this may as well be Belle Reve.

"Say something!" she screamed.

She didn't care what kind of reaction she got from him; she just wanted him to do something besides ignore her. She raised her hand to strike him, hoping to elicit a response, even if it was an angry one. But before she could make contact with his skin, his hand reached out and grabbed her wrist, applying more and more pressure with each second. He grabbed his gun off the nightstand and aimed it at her, just to make the point clear he didn't want to see her right now.

"I'm not scared of it," she admitted. She didn't shake, didn't back down. She had long accepted that if she was going to be killed, it was going to be at the hands of the Joker. It made her love him even more, knowing the man she swore her life to was in control of her ultimate fate.

The Joker raised an eyebrow, stood up, and placed the gun between her eyes, continuing to grasp her wrist. Still, Harley didn't hesitate.

"Do it," she said.

J glared at her intensely, leaning his head to one side. He clicked the hammer and pushed the gun into Harley's forehead, making sure it would leave an messy reminder when he did shoot her.

"Do it!"

He continued to stare at her, baring his teeth as he started to breath heavier and growl in frustration. Before Harley could say another word, J threw the gun down and slammed her up against the wall, shattering a mirror in the process. Harley gasped for breath as J started to strangle her. Part of her wanted to fight back and another part of her just accepted that maybe it should be this way. Maybe she should be dead. If nothing else, it would end all the pain.

"If you wanted me dead, you wouldn't have hesitated," she pointed out.

J grabbed her arm and dragged her down the hall to her new room. He didn't once acknowledge her, didn't say a word to her, despite Harley's efforts. All he wanted was to get this problem out of the way and have some peace and quiet while he figured out what to do next.

"You can't do this to me!" Harley shouted but it did nothing to deter the Joker. "Let go of me! J!"

When he reached her room, he threw the door open, and was met with three pairs of eyes. He ignored the hyenas. Unless they somehow pulled Harley out of this slump, he didn't care. He had tried moving the world to make Harley feel better and she threw it back in his face. Once she was standing in front of him, he yanked on her hair to grab her attention and pointed to the bed, leaving his finger there until she sat down on it.

"Happy?" she snapped, crossing her arms across her chest. Bud and Lou quickly came to her side, ready to strike if J did something they didn't like. They really were Harley's babies.

J didn't bother answering her. He slammed the door shut and Harley heard a click she swore she heard before. Her adrenaline kicked in as she ran to the door. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening.

"No! Don't you dare! Let me out! LET ME OUT!" she screamed, struggling to open the door. She wasn't have a problem with the doorknob, it was turning smoothly. Something was keeping her inside. The click...it was a lock. This wasn't just a room; it was a jail cell.

 _Uh-oh...somebody's in trouble!_

"Please!" she cried out. "Don't lock me in here, Puddin! Don't do this to me! Daddy!"

 _You're in big trouble, little girl. Bad girl. Bad, bad girl._

"I'm a good girl!" she sobbed through the door, desperate to get J to come back to her. She didn't care what he would do; she just wanted him. She needed him. "I promise!"

 _No you're not._

"Yes I am," she whispered. "Please, J? Mistah J? I'll do whatever you want but don't leave me in here! I don't wanna be locked in here!"

 _It's just like Belle Reve all over again. Locked in a cage. Locked in a room with nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide._

"Unlock the door!" she shouted, slamming her fist against it again. She pulled her knuckles back to find them bleeding and she didn't even care. "I'll stay inside just don't lock me in!"

 _Why? Face it: he's done with you. He wants nothing to do with you._

"That's not true. Puddin loves me. He's just angry."

 _It's beyond that. He's gonna murder you!_

 _He's gonna murder you. Slice you and dice you. Maybe he'll feed your body parts to Griggs. Wouldn't that be funny? Making him eat the mother of his now dead fetus?_

Tallie came over and tried to rub against Harley to make her stop crying. Harley acknowledged her and scratched her ears but couldn't stop crying. It wasn't supposed to go down like this. She just wanted that reassurance that J loved her despite everything she was put through and she really thought the best way was to test him. That's all it was: a test. J had tested her plenty of times but the one time she really needed an answer, it blew up in her face.

"Open the door!"

 _If your Puddin locked you in, he clearly doesn't want to let you out. He doesn't even want to give you the opportunity. He doesn't want to give you any more choices._

"No," Harley slowly realized. "He's not doing this to punish me. He's trying to protect me because he's angry."

 _Keep telling yourself that._

"It's true! He doesn't want to hurt me because...he...you're right. He is punishing me."

 _Told you so._

She wasn't Daddy's Lil Monster. She was Daddy's Lil Problem.

 _But you don't have to worry, my baby girl. Queenie's here. Queenie will take good care of the broken little bunny._

Harley shook her head. "No!"

 _Why not?_

Harley slammed her head against the wall. "Get out of my head!"

 _Shh...I'll get you all taken care of. Make all the other voices go away and the only one you'll have to hear is mine. I'll protect you. I'll help you forget. You want to forget, don't you?_

What she would give to forget about all the atrocities of Belle Reve. She wanted to go back to being the crazy harlequin the Joker loved. She wanted to cause mayhem and destruction but since Griggs had circulated some of her assaults online, she was afraid that nobody would take her seriously. If she couldn't defend herself, what could she possibly do to them?

"Just leave me alone! I don't want you."

 _I tried to leave you alone. But look what happened...all because you didn't let me take over. I can help you, bunny bear. Let Queenie take care of her precious bunny._

"It's not real. You're not real."

 _Are you sure I'm not real? You're a silly little bunny bear, you know that?_

For a brief second, Harley wasn't even sure if what she was saying was true or not. But then she remembered J grabbing her face and yelling those words at her, to remind her. "You're not real!"

 _I AM REAL!_

Harley covered her ears with her hands, hoping to drown out Queenie's voice, as she crashed onto the bed. She whimpered. The voices had never yelled at her like this before. They jumbled together and talked over each other, but the voices didn't escalate like Queenie just had. Harley wasn't sure what was going to happen. She knew Queenie could take over if she really wanted to. She had taken over once and Harley still didn't know what all happened in that episode. She was sure J did but he refused to tell her everything, stating that there are some things she was better off not knowing.

 _Shh. It's okay. Queenie's sorry._

Harley sniffled. Tallie stood at the edge of the bed on her hind legs, begging to be closer to her mommy. Harley reached out and pulled her onto the bed, snuggling her. Of the three hyenas, Tallie was definitely the most affectionate. Of course, just by her size, Harley could easily tell she was the youngest of the bunch.

"You're gonna take good care of me, ain't ya?" she asked Tallie. The cub looked up and her and started panting, almost giving off a smile as her tongue hung loose from her mouth. Bud let out a small laugh while Lou rested his head on the end of the bed.

 _Too bad you can't get that kind of reaction from your Puddin._

"Shut up!"

The hyenas looked around the room, trying to figure out who Harley was talking to.

 _Stop it. You're scaring them. You don't want to scare your babies now, do you?_

No, she didn't. These hyenas were the only friends she had. She didn't want to drive them away with her insanity. While it probably wasn't obvious to J, these hyenas were holding Harley together. Even though they were going to grow up into vicious killing machines, right now they were sweet, loving, and protective. It was exactly what Harley needed. She knew as they got older, their need to protect her would only get stronger.

 _That's better. Now get some sleep you tired little bunny. Queenie's gonna take care of everything and she'll have you back to your crazy, homicidal self in no time._

"Okay," Harley quietly surrendered, wrapping her arms around her knees as she leaned her head against the wall, her eyes drooping. Bud and Lou jumped on the bed and curled up beside her, acting like a large blanket on top of the way she was already draped in. She alternated petting each one as more tears rolled down her red, puffy cheeks.

Harley Quinn had finally broken.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

* * *

Harley, or rather Queenie, woke up bright and early the next morning. Bud and Lou were curled up by her feet and Tallie was sleeping against her chest. Queenie wasn't sure how she felt about having hyenas for pets but even she had to admit these creatures were pretty adorable. She gently pushed them away and proceeded to freshen up in the bathroom. She might be locked in this room but that was still no excuse to look unkempt.

There were marks on her neck from where J grabbed Harley. From the looks of it, they were going to bruise. Right now, they were still bright red. Queenie sighed softly. Harley brought this onto herself, just like every mark Griggs and his friends left on her. If she just did what people wanted, maybe life wouldn't be so bad. After all, she got herself into this situation. The least she could do was suffer for it. If Harley was really smart, she would have let Queenie take over a long time ago. Queenie knew she would have kept her little bunny safe.

Tallie scratched at the bathroom door, bringing Queenie back to focus. Besides, no need to dwell on things she couldn't change. When she opened the door, Tallie cocked her head to side and gave a lopsided smile. Queenie might have been immune to a number of things, but seeing Tallie's little face, even she couldn't deny that wasn't cute.

"I can see why Harley likes you. You're sweet," she commented, scratching the cub behind her ears. Even Bud and Lou got in on the attention, not wanting to be left out. As far as they knew, this was still Harley. This was mommy.

"I bet you guys want some breakfast, don't ya?" Queenie asked as she heard her stomach growl. The hyenas had to be hungry. They were growing babies after all.

After searching through the room, going through every drawer and shelf she could locate, Queenie quickly learned there was nothing in the room for the hyenas to eat, let alone herself. She pouted. She needed to get J in here before everyone starved to death. Harley's dead corpse was not going to help anyone.

"Let's at least get you guys some water. Can't have you dehydrated now, can we?"

She found an empty container under the sink that most likely had a weapon on it. J was notorious for not letting something stay empty unless he was setting it up for a joke. He probably removed it to make sure Harley didn't hurt him or herself while she was locked in here. Smart but so not helpful right now. She had to find a way to get J in here.

She pushed her thoughts aside and filled up the rather large container full of water to keep the babies hydrated. She wasn't sure how long they could manage being cooped in this room with her but at least she could try to keep them healthy. After all, she didn't want anything to happen to Harley's babies.

"At least you won't be drinking out the toilet," she mused out loud, watching the hyenas try to trip over each other to get a drink even though there was plenty of room if they just spaced each other out.

The image made Queenie giggle as she tried to imagine three hyenas standing up to dunk their head in the toilet, just to satisfy their thirst. Maybe she should; if nothing else, it would at least be entertaining. There was literally nothing in the room to do except sit on the bed and cuddle with the hyenas. It was basically a nicely disguised prison cell. The only thing missing was a set of bars.

"You guys are just the cutest!" she squealed as they smiled back at her, drool dripping from their mouths.

Seconds later, they were all racing to the bed, for lack of something better to do. Tallie had some trouble jumping up but Queenie didn't want to be left out of all the fun. She picked her up and gave her a big kiss on the nose.

"At least I don't have to beg for your attention. You just wanna be loved, don't ya?"

Bud and Lou each gave her a kiss on the cheek, covering Queenie with slobber. Tallie tackled Bud until she had him pinned on his back. The more time she spent with these hyenas, the more they grew on her.

"Now if only we could figure out how to get your Daddy in here. I bet you guys want to see him too, huh?"

Queenie strummed her fingers against her cheek. Hmm...she could try to destroy the room but that wasn't a guarantee that J would come in. No, she needed to do something something annoying, something that would make him just mad enough to make him actually speak to her.

Sing.

It had been a long time since she let her voice ring out. Oh, she was going to enjoy this. She had the perfect song in mind, one that would most certainly drive the Joker insane even more than he already was.

" _I'm a barbie girl...in a barbie world! Life in plastic...it's fantastic_!" Queenie sang at the top of her lungs.

Within seconds, she could hear J barging down to her room. Perfect. This was exactly what she wanted. She could hear him fidgeting him the lock as she held out the last note obnoxiously. She only stopped once the door handle started to turn.

"What the fuck, Harley?!" J shouted at her.

"I'm bored. What else am I supposed to do? You locked me in her, remember?" Queenie asked innocently, leaning back on the pile of pillows and squished together blankets against the wall.

J stepped closer to her and looked at her strangely. Something was off but he couldn't put his finger on it. Queenie held her ground, acting just a little scared the way Harley might of after their fight last night.

"You will stay in here with your little pets and you will stay quiet until I figure out what to do with you. Got it?!"

Queenie nodded her head, pretending to go along with what J wanted. What J didn't know was that he was falling into her trap. But she would let him win, for the moment being at least.

When J left, Queenie counted to fifty before moving on to phase two of her plan. Time to up the ante.

" _You can brush my hair! Undress me anywhere! Imagination...life is your creation!_ "

"What part of shut your fucking mouth do you not get?!" he roared, throwing the door back open. Queenie figured he probably got all the way to his office and sat down before she threw her curveball at him.

Queenie squealed in delight. "But what's the fun in that, JJ?"

"Shit," J muttered, now realizing what was wrong. This wasn't Harley in front of him. This was his worst nightmare.

Queenie smiled and let her head dance from side to side as she jumped on the bed, unable to contain her energy, continuing to sing her song. She won and she knew it.

 _"I'm a blonde bimbo girl, in a fantasy world! Dress me up! Make it tight! I'm your dolly!"_

"Queenie," he bluntly responded.

Queenie stopped jumping on the bed and laid across it upside down, letting her head hang over the edge. She laughed; this was all a game to her right now.

"You still remember me!" she exclaimed gleefully. "And I was afraid you had forgotten who I was."

"What are you doing here?" J asked.

"I don't know. Have you missed me? I missed you...a lot! Like…tons! I've even missed our chats, JJ."

"I wish I could say the same. Where's Harley?"

Queenie pouted, realizing the attention wasn't on her as she had hoped it would be. "I made her go away. You've been so mean to her. I mean, this bruise on her neck is going to take forever to heal up. But..."

"But what?"

"You could make it up to me," she suggested seductively, rolling over onto her stomach and propping her chin up with her hands. "I'll be sure to pass any message along."

J hated dealing with Queenie. Queenie wasn't nearly as violent as Harley or himself but she knew how to get under people's skin and cut them down with words better than anyone else. Suffice to say, she was a dangerous opponent.

"Why don't you let Harley talk for herself?"

Queenie rested her finger on her chin, almost as if she was contemplating J's request.

"I don't think that's necessary," she announced, pouncing onto J before he could even register what was going on.

"Queenie," he warned but it did nothing to deter the woman. Getting aggressive with her, while tempting, was not going to help him get Harley back.

 _"You're my doll, rock n roll, feel the glamour in pink,"_ she sang aloud, straddling him. She knew he hadn't been touched in a long time and she was going to take full advantage of that. She was going to twist him exactly how she wanted. She would be out of this room before lunchtime and Harley Quinn was never going to make an appearance again!

 _"Kiss me here! Touch me there! Hanky panky!"_

He missed this. He missed how Harley's fingers felt against his scarred face, the way her lips felt on his, how her nails dug into his flesh. This was what he wanted with Harley the very first night after Belle Reve. But despite having Harley's body on him, her flesh on his, he knew this wasn't really her. Queenie was nothing more than an imposter inhabiting his harlequin's body. She was another personality and it wasn't the one that made the clown prince bend over backwards for, not that he would ever admit that.

Queenie took his hands in her own and held them to her chest, teasing J just enough to show him what he had been missing.

 _"You can touch! You can play! If you say I'm always yours!"_ she sang melodically in his ears, nibbling on them as she finished.

While J enjoyed another woman touching him, it just wasn't the same as Harley's touches. He needed to make Queenie stop. If this was truly Harley, it would have been different but it wasn't. He knew, deep in his mind, that Harley wasn't ready to reciprocate any kind of the physical affection he wanted. It sucked, putting Harley first like this. He was still angry at her but he didn't want to lose her. Not when he was finally starting to come to term with things.

As Queenie continued on with her seduction, J decided to turn the tables on her. She needed to know she wasn't in charge. He pushed down on Queenie just hard enough until she was on the floor. J tried to give off the impression that he was ready to return Queenie's favors and from the way she was smiling, she was more than happy to receive.

"I don't care where you have me, as long as I'm playing with you," she whispered sensually, reaching up to caress his face even more.

Those words coming from Queenie's mouth, that sounded like Harley both in tone and syntax, was almost too much for the Joker to deal with. Would Harley ever say those words to him again? Those exact words? He pushed himself off Queenie, a plan formulating in his head as to how to get control of the situation.

"Where ya going, JJ?" she pouted, sticking her bottom lip out for more effect.

If Queenie thought she had control of this situation, she was about to have her whole world flipped upside down.

"I've got to go get a little something for you," he teased. "But you've got to close your eyes and no peeking."

"I like surprises!"

J grinned. He highly doubted Queenie was going to like this surprise. "Eyes closed."

Queenie was barely able to contain her excitement as J retreated back to his office. He quickly found the pink keys he kept taped to the underside of his desk. After Harley broke into his office and nearly shot him, he took extra security measures. He rekeyed the bottom filing cabinet drawer and the lockbox he kept inside it. The lockbox contained her gun and a few anti-psychotic meds in the event Harley ever got completely out of control. He kept the bullets separate. But hiding behind the lockbox was the one item J could use to his advantage: a straitjacket. This would give him the control he needed. Keeping the straitjacket tucked tightly under his arms, he slowly trekked back to Queenie. If this didn't work, he didn't have a backup plan. He had to take control of this situation and it had to be now.

"Your eyes still closed?" he asked when he reentered Queenie's domain.

"Yep yep!"

J crept toward Queenie, making sure to keep any noise from slipping out from the buckles as he inched closer.

"Hold your arms out," he instructed.

"Is it another hyena?" she guessed, still keeping her eyes clenched shut as she held her arms straight ahead. She loved playing with JJ. "Because that would be _awesome_!"

Lining the holes up just right, the Joker thrusted the straitjacket onto Queenie. He was able to reach the buckles in the back, but only managed to get one tightened before Queenie started to slip out of his grasp.

"You really think this is going to bring your Harley back?" Queenie laughed hysterically.

Did J really think a straitjacket was going to bring her down? He was sadly mistaken! Queenie throttled in every direction, hoping to catch J off guard but the man didn't let go of her completely. He wasn't going to let Queenie win. Queenie tried to throw a punch at him, which only resulted in J grabbing her arm and twisting it just enough to restrain it to the backside. Once he finished, he pulled her other arm just as tight, just to make sure she couldn't pull another move like that again. As he sat her up to face him, he tightened the remaining straps and again once more, ensuring that there was no way for Queenie to get out.

"You bring her back."

"Or what? You gonna kill me, Mistah J?"

"I can't kill you without killing Harley. You know that. You know every trick in the blasted book. But you don't understand what Harley is dealing with. Harley was raped. You being here isn't helping her. She's got enough to deal with without adding you to the mix."

"Yes. You're right. She was raped over and over again. Tortured mercilessly. You might have created a monster and know the ins and outs of being completely and certifiably insane but you don't know what it's like for her. I mean, how the hell could you know?! The only person you've ever fucked is Harley. You don't know how she feels! They held her down! They forced themselves inside her! Every time she closes her eyes, she thinks it's real and she can't help it!"

"She was violated," J growled. "I know that."

"You can say those words all you want but you will never understand the torment that lives inside her. She's trying to build her reality back. You did that to her. When that helicopter went down, that's when the break started. The assaults only aggravated it. Made it worse."

"Griggs did this to her. He's the reason you're here," J corrected. "And you're not the only voice in her head. They've been in her head, tearing her to shreds since she got moved to Belle Reve."

"Harley is in tiny little pieces and it's all your fault! You can try to make it up to her but deep down, while you didn't actually rape her, you know you did this to her. Not taking her out of Midway City, not instructing her on multiple ways to defend herself, not teaching her how to swim! You did this! She's not coming back. I won't let you hurt her again. You're stuck with me, JJ, and there's nothing you can do about it!"

J was losing his patience, quickly. He didn't need Queenie interfering in his and Harley's lives and he certainly didn't need her lecturing him. Queenie was nothing more than a nuisance in his opinion. But right now, she had control of Harley and J couldn't let that happen. Harley barely had any control as it was because of her assaults. J wasn't going to let Queenie destroy what little progress he had with her.

"You bring her back," J ordered. "You bring her back right now!"

Queenie flashed an evil grin back at him. "No."

J brought his hand up to strike Queenie, to knock sense into the imposter or maybe even into Harley. Anything to bring his Harley back out. He got Queenie to go away once but it was by sheer accident. He still didn't know what he had done.

"Do it! Hurt me like you hurt my innocent little bunny! DO IT!" she screamed.

"Bring her back," J threatened. If there was any way to hurt Queenie without hurting Harley, he would have done it tenfold. But Harley had been hurt enough and he was not going to leave any marks on her like Griggs and his idiotic accomplices had.

"You don't deserve her. After everything she's been through, you still treat her like shit."

Maybe Queenie was right. Maybe J didn't deserve Harley after the way he treated her today. He yelled at her and physically harmed her and just flat out ignored her.

"You're nothing more than a monster and Harley deserves a hell of a lot better than that," Queenie added.

No. Harley was his. He would not be going through all this if she wasn't. If he truly didn't want her, he wouldn't have made her go through an abortion. He wouldn't have locked her in a different room so she wouldn't be subject to his rage. Hell, he never would have been nearly as gentle with her if he didn't want her.

"I don't care what you think. Harley is my property, not yours," he sneered.

"You wish! Not like it matters. You're not getting her back. I won't let her come back."

The thought of losing Harley forever, the Joker didn't even want to think about it. He didn't really tell Harley enough how much he truly needed her. No one understood his madness like she did. She embraced it. She embraced him. She was his other half that he didn't even know he needed.

Not until she was gone.

Not until he thought he would never see her again.

* * *

I know, it's been a while and I'm really sorry. I had a lot going on in my life that had to come first and Queenie is not the easiest character to manage. I can't promise I'll be better with updates but I will finish this story (unless Queenie or the Joker or Harley get their hands on me because I will be screwed if they do)!


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

* * *

The Joker was almost positive that if he had to listen to Queenie sing one more song, he might just shoot her. But leaving Queenie alone wasn't an option. Not after she wiggled herself free from the straitjacket and tried to force herself onto J. If she hadn't tried to then kill him after he rejected her advances, he might have just locked her in the room and left her there.

But Queenie was proving to be a problem more and more with each passing hour. Despite now being in a straitjacket, handcuffed, and chained to the wall, J knew he couldn't leave her alone. If he wanted to get Harley out of her head, he needed to pull her out himself.

"You do know that this accomplishes absolutely nothing, right?" Queenie asked, fidgeting with her jacket. "Can you at least, I don't know, remove the chains or something? I can't feel myself breathing."

"Are you going to let Harley come back out?" J asked. Queenie shook her head, confirming what J already figured. "Thought not."

Queenie pursed her lips. She needed another tactic. She needed something that would not only seem reasonable for her but also appeal to the Joker without pissing him off.

"Can I have something to eat? I mean, you can choose not to feed me but that would basically be handing a death sentence to Harley and I don't think you want that, do you?"

No, he definitely didn't want that. But he didn't exactly want Queenie to think she was winning this little battle. He wanted her to give up, to let Harley come back out. Wait…he had those anti-psychotic drugs in his office. Maybe if he slipped one of those into part of her meal, he might be able to get Harley out. It was worth a try. At this point, he really didn't have anything to lose.

"Fine," he growled, rolling his head to knead the kink out of his neck from when he fell asleep against the wall earlier. Thankfully, it had only been for a few minutes and Queenie wasn't stupid enough to try something while he was out. Hopefully, since he was somewhat complying to her request, she would sit there on the bed and not try anything.

"I'll be a good girl. Promise," she quipped, seeing the frustration grow on J's face. She even smiled and cocked her head to the side. She made no move to try to fight against her restraints, much to J's relief.

Still, J knew he couldn't trust her. Didn't want to trust her. He padlocked the door on his way out, just as extra security measure. Within a few minutes, he had grabbed the myriad of medication from his office and proceeded down to the kitchen, ready to put his plan into action.

After pulling the ham, turkey, asiago cheese, lettuce, and mayonnaise from the fridge, J began to assemble the sandwich, leaving it open until he could figure out what meds to give Queenie to make her go away.

Easier said than done. He couldn't remember what half these drugs did anymore. One was a sedative that Frost had picked up as a backup. One helped control the voices. One of them supposedly made you calmer. The more he looked at these meds, the angrier he got. He didn't know where to go, what to do next.

All he really knew was that he wanted Harley back.

"What are these?!" J screamed, throwing them down in front of Frost who was nursing a cup of coffee and going over some plans.

Frost picked up a few of the prescriptions and looked over them. Setting them back down, he turned to J, who was so angry, his chest was rising up and down with each breath as he continued on his task for making that little demon food.

"These are anti-psychotic meds for when Harley gets out of control."

"I know that part. I need whatever's going to fix Harley because that's not Harley upstairs," J stated, crushing some sleeping pills to hide in the mayonnaise. He figured Queenie would catch on if he just placed the pills in her sandwich, so he smashing them seemed like the best idea. As long as Queenie got some medication in her system, J didn't care how it was done. Hopefully he'd be able to pull Harley out subconsciously if Queenie was resting.

"Did the voices take over?" Frost asked. He tried to stay out of their business but if J was having him look up drugs, it would be a little useful to know what he needed to find.

"Queenie," J growled, sticking a knife into the counter. Despite not being around Queenie, she was still getting under his skin. If he ever managed to get Harley back, he silently vowed to never complain about her again. "Queenie's back. Not the voice. Her fucking personality is back and she's taken over. I need to get rid of it. I don't care what kind of cocktail you have to put Harley on to get rid of Queenie, just do it before I kill both of them! FIX IT!"

Frost knew very little about Queenie, except for the fact that she seemed to be a split personality. He never pegged Harley for having multiple personalities before, but considering how much torture she went through, he wasn't all that surprised her alter ego had come out. He just didn't vocalize his opinions. He glanced over each of the prescriptions, they were old but at least they hadn't dissolved to dust yet. They should still do the trick.

"Fix it," J ordered on his way out, softer this time.

* * *

"Out," J ordered, snapping his fingers and pointing to the hallway. The hyenas, not understanding that they were sitting next to Queenie and not Harley, hesitated. Protecting mommy was more important.

"It's okay. Go on," Queenie urged them. "Mommy will be fine."

Tallie, unable to contain her curiosity, walked forward first. She wanted to explore and see the whole penthouse. Besides, she wasn't all that fond of J anyway. Bud and Lou continue to hesitate. Harley, or Queenie in this instance, came first, then Tallie. After Queenie gave each of the boys a few head rubs with her chin, they too left the room.

"They're sweet. Harley will like them," Queenie mentioned as J slammed the door shut. "I'm still not gonna let her come out though."

"You're not their mommy," J pointed out, tossing the sandwich down in front of Queenie who was still sitting on the bed.

"They don't know any different. I look and smell like Mommy. That's all they know. And if Harley _somehow_ figures out how to break out, they'll at least have a relationship with her. You're welcome."

J didn't bother to respond. He just wanted Queenie out of his life again. How was he supposed to fix Harley if he couldn't actually talk to her?

"So um…how do you propose I eat this sandwich? And before you say use my hands, let me remind you that you handcuffed them behind me. I guess that means you'll really have to feed me, JJ. Or we could let Harley starve. I'm not gonna force you to feed me."

"You would just love that, wouldn't you Queenie?"

Queenie nodded her head as she giggled. "I mean, it's completely your call but I think we both know what you're gonna do. You'd do anything to protect my little bunny bear, wouldn't you?"

It was bad enough having to deal with Queenie but having to hand-feed her just added insult to injury. But since Harley had in fact lost a good bit of weight from being in prison, denying her alter ego food wasn't going to help her, especially after the procedure he insisted Harley have the day before. Defeatedly, he picked up the sandwich and held it up for Queenie to take a bite.

But as Queenie bit into the sandwich for a third time, something didn't taste right. She spit the bite back out, quickly noticing the half a white pill sticking out in the mayonnaise that was sprayed across the Joker's face. It should have been funny, but both parties were angry. J at Queenie for spitting food at him; Queenie at J for his actions against her.

"SERIOUSLY?! Drugging me isn't going to be your little babydoll back!" she shouted at him. "I told you: you're not getting her back!"

J tried to hold himself back. But when Queenie bared her teeth to him, he wasn't going to stand for it. He refused to let Queenie think she was calling the shots. He lunged at her and held her down firmly, keeping her shoulders flat against the mattress. Queenie giggled at his actions. This is what she wanted: his full attention.

"So fucking help me, Queenie, if you don't bring Harley—"

"You're stuck with me! Get used to it! Besides, it's better this way."

"For you?" J barked back.

Queenie shook her head. "For Harley. She's safe. Isn't that what you want for her: safety?"

J scowled. Yes, he wanted safety for Harley but not at the expense of losing her.

"Look, we're gonna have to come to some sort of agreement if I'm gonna be here. What do you say, JJ? Truce-y?"

"I don't want you here!" he screamed at her.

"Fine," she grumbled. "Be a sour puss. What happened to us, JJ? We used to have so much fun together! Can't we go back to the good ole days?"

There were no good days when it came to Queenie, not for J. There were no good days without Harley. There hadn't really been a good day since she had been back in his possession. But any day with Harley was certainly better than a day without her, even under these circumstances. At least now he knew that she wasn't being hurt or exploited. He had control of her again. Well, once he got rid of Queenie, he would.

"You're no fun anymore," she mumbled, drifting off into a slumber as the sleeping pills starting to take over.

J didn't move for about fifteen minutes, wanting to make sure the sleeping pills had truly done their jobs. It didn't matter if it was Queenie or even Harley; J put enough sleeping pills in that sandwich to knock himself out for a while. Besides, Harley was too impatient to fake sleeping and Queenie just wanted to annoy the hell out of him and get out of this makeshift prison. Either way, J got his way. He inched closer to her, further confirming that the blonde in front of him was asleep.

Even asleep, Harley's body was intoxicating for him. He wanted to touch her, show her that not all touches could be as traumatizing as Belle Reve was. He didn't know exactly how to tell Harley that even after all she endure, he still wanted her. Still needed her. She was still the most beautiful creature in the world, after himself of course.

"I know you're in there. Now go do Daddy a favor and tell that fucking nightmare that goes by Queenie that you're in charge. Show Daddy how rotten you really are," he ordered her softly, tracing the letters of her tattoo along her jawline. Her skin was just as soft as he remembered.

He grabbed one of the pillows off the bed and nestled it between the wall and himself, in a sad attempt to try to make himself comfortable. He wasn't going to leave her. If Harley did in fact come back, he wanted to be the first thing she saw. If Queenie for some absurd reason was still here, he wanted her to know that she hadn't won. She would never win.

* * *

The blonde was thrashing around, desperate to get the restricting contraption off her, rousing J from his nap. He didn't even acknowledge her until all her moving around caused her to fall off the bed.

"Stop it!" J yelled at her.

But the blonde wouldn't. She didn't want to be in a straitjacket. She didn't want to be reminded of Belle Reve. She didn't even want to be in this room.

J grabbed her and held her eye level with him, silently warning her to stop before he took things into his hands. The blonde stared back, tears threatening to break from her eyes as she shook her head.

"Let me out," she whispered.

J shook his head back at her.

"Why am I in a straitjacket then?" she asked. "What did I do wrong, Puddin?"

"Because you need to be," J reminded her, refusing to go after all the infractions Queenie had accumulated. He didn't even register that the blonde had called him Puddin.

The blonde clearly didn't understand though. If she needed to be in a straitjacket, then why didn't J just put her in one the moment she got home. "What did I do? Whatever it is, I didn't mean it, Puddin! I swear!"

"That's beside…what did you call me?" he asked. He wasn't sure if actually heard his nickname or if he was imagining it from a lack of sleep.

"Puddin. You're… you're still my Puddin, ain't ya?"

The Joker smiled as relief rushed through him, seeing and hearing Harley again. His Harley. J still didn't know tons about Queenie, but he did know that she would only call him JJ, never Daddy and certainly not Puddin. This was his Harley in front of him. He had no doubt about that.

"Yeah, Pumpkin. Your Puddin's right here."

"You called me Pumpkin."

"Well, you are, ain't ya?" he joked back, rubbing her thighs lightly. While he wouldn't admit it, Queenie had stirred up some of his primal instincts that he just couldn't ignore. He needed that fix that only Harley could give. And he knew this was Harley in front of him as he wrapped his arms around her waist. She didn't smell like her typical bubblegum perfume but she still made his heart race in a way he couldn't explain. He hated it; he didn't like feeling emotion that could be perceived as weak. But Harley…she was his Queen.

And a King was nothing without his Queen.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

* * *

"Sit still," J ordered, fiddling with the handcuffs. He had gone a few measures further than usual when he placed them on Queenie, making sure she couldn't wiggle her way out of them. Now, he was sort of regretting that decision. The chains weren't so bad; the handcuff and straitjacket, those were another story.

But Harley was impatient. She wanted to be able to feel her limbs and stretch out again. She didn't like being restrained like this. It brought back awful memories. Griggs's voice echoed in her ear. As did Niko's, Harrison's, and Murray's.

"How much longer?" Harley whined. "These things hurt!"

"Well, if you stopped fidgeting, it wouldn't be all that painful!" J reprimanded her.

"If you hadn't made them so damn tight, we wouldn't be having this problem!"

Frustrated, J grabbed her arms and pulled her so close, Harley could feel his breath against her ear.

"Do you want me to take them off or not?" he growled.

Harley let out a deep breath and nodded her head, trying to make her body relax the best she could under the restraints.

"Then behave! As long as you behave, I will have no reason to restrain you like this," J explained. The only other reason to restrain Harley was sex but that was so far off the table that the Joker didn't dare to bring it up.

But behaving meant being compliant and Harley didn't like that. Being compliant just got her hurt in Belle Reve. Even though she knew all too well to behave in the Joker's presence, she still couldn't shake the prison from her mind. Deep down, she wondered if she would ever truly be free of that place.

Probably not.

"Are you still angry with me?" she asked, unable to bare the silence anymore. "About the whole baby thing?"

"What do you think?" he snapped back, throwing the handcuffs to the floor. One down, one to go. Hopefully the straitjacket wouldn't be nearly as difficult.

Harley lowered in head in shame. She knew what she did was wrong; she didn't need the Joker reminding her of it every second he got.

"I could say I'm sorry but we both know that word doesn't mean anything to you."

"Why did you concoct the baby scenario? You had to realize that I wasn't going to take it well. You heard what happened when you told me you were raped. Where in your fucked up mind did you think I would be okay with you keeping that baby?!"

"You said it was okay!"

"Because every little thing I did set you off so I tried to find the most pacifying solution so you didn't have another breakdown! I couldn't handle your breakdowns anymore!"

"You couldn't handle them?! How do you think I felt about having them! It's not like I wanted them to happen!"

"You're a drama queen, Harley," he tried to justify. "Always have been. Always will be."

"You're a bigger one than I am!"

Unable to control his anger at the blonde, J pinned her down on her back and towered over her.

"It's stupid," she muttered.

The Joker didn't have much patience to begin with as he grabbed her chin and pulled her forward. "Try me."

Harley shook her head and tried to break free of J's grip. She didn't want to talk about why she lied to him. He didn't loosen his grip at all. He met Harley's eyes and she could tell that he was demanding answers, even without him saying it.

"I needed to know that you still loved me," she whispered, hanging her head low. "After everything. I told you it was stupid."

The Joker didn't say anything to her response. He didn't want Harley to know just how mad he had gone without her by his side. Instead, he continued to focus on removing her straitjacket. Undoing the other handcuff was simple. Two buckles on the jacket down, one to go. He'd have it off her in a minute. Two at the most.

"Why did you put me in a straitjacket?" Harley asked as J fiddled with the last buckle.

"Because you weren't actually here."

"What do you mean?"

J sighed and pulled Harley onto his chest, needing to feel her against him. "Do you remember the last time the voices took over and we sort of discovered you had another personality in that brain of yours?"

"I remember Queenie. She makes me think things will be better if I let her be in control. I wanna be in control though."

"You have a bunch of some really fucked up shit going on in your head. I get that. I just spent the better part of today with it. Why didn't you tell me it was this bad?"

"I've always had the voices. Ever since the bath. You know that."

"Were they this bad when I got you out of Belle Reve?"

Harley hated admitting weakness, even if it was to the Joker. She was supposed to be just as strong and emotionless at him but all this business about Belle Reve broke her. She didn't want him to know that it was worse than it actually was.

"No," she whispered.

"Harley," he growled, choking her softly to drive his point home. "You know better than to lie to Daddy and you will never do it again. Do you understand me?"

Harley quickly nodded her head. At least the Joker hadn't come right out and slapped her for it.

"They weren't nearly this bad but they were still pretty bad. Still are."

J figured as much. Queenie would have never come out if Harley had any control left in her tiny body. One of the things he loved about that woman, not that he would ever say it, was how Harley was able to endure so much. But he still didn't like seeing her broken, not like this. Not unless he did it himself.

"Fix yourself up. You look horrid," J softly ordered, heading to the door.

"Can I come out? I don't wanna be locked in here."

"No. Maybe next time you'll think twice before you lie to my face. Be happy you're not chained."

"I don't want her to come back. I know Queenie took over."

"You knew she was here?"

"I knew she took over but I don't know what really happened. She seems to get stronger when it's just me. She doesn't surface as much when you're around. I tend to have more control when I know you're around. I mean, there's still voices but she's not as scary. I think you scare her."

J highly doubted that. If Queenie was really scared of him, she would have given up very shortly into their confrontation.

"Please?" she asked.

J stopped in the doorway and sighed. He was still angry at her for lying about the baby. But leaving her alone meant Queenie might come back out and he didn't want to lose Harley again. Finally, he came to an ultimatum.

"If you promise to be a good girl, you can come out as long as you stay with me. But that means going wherever I go, even if you don't like it," he said. "I'll be in the kitchen."

Harley's face fell when J said he'd be in the kitchen. Why couldn't he say their bedroom or even his office? Why the kitchen? Why did it even have to be downstairs? Griggs was downstairs and she didn't want to be near that piece of trash, especially since he got her pregnant and sold her off like a piece of meat. She wanted nothing to do with him. Frankly, she wanted J to kill him just so she wouldn't have to see Griggs's face again.

Fucking scum bag didn't deserve another day on this earth.

Still, Harley knew better than to stay and be alone with her thoughts. She might have Queenie under control right now, but who knew how long that would last? It was either the kitchen or this room. Griggs or Queenie.

Kitchen. Leaving Queenie to potentially take over again just couldn't happen. Besides, if she absolutely had to be near Griggs, at least she would have the Joker with her. The Joker would cut off Griggs's head before he could even look at Harley if he had to.

Pulling together what little control and strength she did have, she turned the door handle. To her relief he didn't lock it.

"So you do care..." she muttered, pushing the door open and venturing outside. She was sure the Joker still had her on a tight leash, not that she could blame him if Queenie had been here.

* * *

By the time Harley had made it down to the kitchen, the Joker had nearly downed half a bottle of whiskey. Drinking and violence were the only ways he really knew how to make sense of Harley's hell.

"Took you long enough. Take these."

He pushed a glass of water and two pills at her. Harley took them without hesitating. J wouldn't give her something that would hurt her, especially after his behavior upstairs.

"Next time I tell you where I'll be, I expect you there promptly. You're on very thin ice with me. Now show me your mouth."

"Seriously?! I'm not gonna hide medication from you."

"Open."

"I took it! I swear!"

"Don't make this harder than it needs to be," J warned her. "I don't have much patience for you as it is."

Reluctantly, Harley opened her mouth and stuck her tongue out, showing J she had in fact taken the medication he laid out. The whole procedure reminded her of prison but at least she had J next to her. He continued to remain that constant reminder of where she was. He was that constant reminder that Harley was safe.

"Will you at least tell me what you made me take?" she asked. She took another sip of her water but remained looking at J. If she wanted to get back on his good side, she needed to show him that she did trust him.

"The same stuff you had to take last time to make the voices disappear after they took over."

"But we didn't have to deal with Queenie last time."

"Yeah, we did; you just don't remember. Look, I've got to start somewhere with you. If Queenie took over once, she can do it again and I won't allow that. Harley, this isn't the first time she took over and I highly doubt it'll be the last time. The sooner we can get her to go away, the better it's gonna be for you. You have enough demons in your head without adding her to the mix."

"But you know how to keep the demons calm and quiet. The only demon I like listening to is you."

"And until I know I'm the only demon causing mayhem in your head, you will take these," he stated, pushing a multitude of different bottles toward his harlequin.

"But that's thirteen different pills a day!" Harley shouted. "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"Do you want to go back upstairs?"

Harley didn't know how to fight that. She didn't want to go back upstairs. She didn't want to be separated from the Joker. If this is what it took to stay in his good graces, if they even existed, then so be it.

"Until I know Queenie's gone for good, you're taking these. No discussion."

Harley huffed because knew she didn't have a choice. With the Joker, it was his way. Not his way or the highway… _his_ way.

"How long have we been dealing with Queenie?" Harley dared to ask. She'd been lying if she said she wasn't afraid of the answer she would hear but she needed to know. She was already putting J through hell for shit that wasn't her fault. Queenie might be one of the few things she could control.

"A little over a day," J answered as he leaned against the counter.

Harley shook her head. "No, how long since she's first appeared?"

J had to think back to when Queenie made her first appearance. Before Belle Reve. Before he started to make deals with half the underworld of Gotham.

"A few weeks after your chemical bath. She was here for a few hours and I thought you were messing with me until I realized you didn't remember what happened. She only really comes out when things get really bad for you. You have to tell me when they're getting bad because I don't like to deal with Queenie."

"You know, if people saw you acting this way toward me, all sweet and loving and caring, they might not think you're scary anymore."

He decreased the space between them. Looks like Harley needed a little reminder of how things worked around here.

"When people hurt my property, I need to make it mine again. That's all I'm doing. You belong to me. Nobody else. Me. Mine."

"Really? Yours?"

"And it seems like you might need a little reminder of that yourself..." he added, pushing her against the wall and holding her hands over her head. "Do I need to teach you a lesson?"

* * *

 _ **I know, I was gone a really, REALLY long time and I'm sorry. I had a personal tragedy and I had to take a lot of time for myself. I've only recently been able to reopen this document and work on it. Good news is that I still know where I'm headed with it. I may make some alterations but I do have an endpoint in mind for this.**_


End file.
